Trans Hangout Thread

[Aeoryi she/her]

9 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

it's okay i shouldn't be whining and throwing a pity part or whatever you kids used to call it or still do haha..heh.

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*half-hearted/depressed uwu*

sorry i got no money

 

you deserve it more than I do

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

you deserve it more than I do

..deserve what?

[Aeoryi she/her]

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

..deserve what?

hrt

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, Aeoryi said:

hrt

i think we both deserve it pretty much equally..

(ignoring factors like drag and friction if you know what i mean)

meaning not being pedantic about things we all deserve it..

 

'sides i can still get it...

in a bit...

 

they need me to say what I'm thinking when even i don't know what I'm thinking 

[Aeoryi she/her]

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

i think we both deserve it pretty much equally..

(ignoring factors like drag and friction if you know what i mean)

meaning not being pedantic about things we all deserve it..

 

'sides i can still get it...

in a bit...

 

they need me to say what I'm thinking when even i don't know what I'm thinking 

just be upfront with them

be authentic

 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

it's hard.

sometimes i hold myself back to "not embarras myself" or so i don't sound like a storming idiot or so i don't sound weird or don't sound like I'm not trans or don't sound like my evidence is inconsequential...

self-fulfilling prophecy...

 

@Aeoryi serious question... how do I know if I'm not trans?

 

edit 

https://www.17thshard.com/blogs/entry/1520-20260405-shifting-slate/#findComment-2096

 

(me, talking to Verdance)

Quote

because as you said about overthinking ans consciously altering actions... that's the darn problem with me

I can't cremin' do anything without knowing i am and choosing to do it because i think that's who i am, want to be, should be, should do, want to do, etc. etc. etc.

that's the ehole issue I've been struggling with and i hate it so much

i can't say anything 

I can't say I do/feel/think something. Say, something that I KNOW confirms/supports me being trans because I KNOW it does and I KNOW I'd be doing it and what rhe heck ado if I'm not so does that mean I'm not trans??????????????

how the heck to i ado'ng not conform

if that means not being trans I'm not sure i want to "be myself" because i like being trans.

i THINK

i tell myself so

what the ado...

@Aeoryi pls help

Edited April 14 by Usseewa

[Aeoryi she/her]

13 hours ago, Usseewa said:

it's hard.

sometimes i hold myself back to "not embarras myself" or so i don't sound like a storming idiot or so i don't sound weird or don't sound like I'm not trans or don't sound like my evidence is inconsequential...

self-fulfilling prophecy...

 

@Aeoryi serious question... how do I know if I'm not trans?

 

edit 

https://www.17thshard.com/blogs/entry/1520-20260405-shifting-slate/#findComment-2096

 

(me, talking to Verdance)

@Aeoryi pls help

Imo strong repulsion 

But like why did you try to get HRT if you're not trans or something kind you see

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

8 hours ago, Aeoryi said:

Imo strong repulsion 

But like why did you try to get HRT if you're not trans or something kind you see

how do i know I'm not just internalizing (or whatever the word is) being trans and like making myself believe it..?

idk what to say/do/think because like again today i literally literally felt like a girl and i was like sitting at my school and looking blankly ahead sort of but imagining myself in that moment and seeing myself as a girl but also just looking forward out of my eyes, i felt like i was.. looking from the perspective of a girl? idk if that makes sense.

plus i was wearing a pretty cute outfit :3

 

but still even with thar I'm not entirely sure

and now i don't know if i should just forget/move past these doubts at this point?

I've had this many times before.. like when I gotta start an essay sometimes i stall and complain to myself or others and in my head i make it this impossible making me wanna curl up and cry/die thing.. and then eventually I begin to see that i can actually do it.. and then after that it takes a little bit to.. transition from the state of mind and, like, accept that i can stop crying about it and just do it. but in that transition phase i *want* to keep "crying" about it, and it takes a little effort to make the switch but then it's uphill from there.

sometimes i wish i knew words/terms for everything so people (including myself) would more easily know what I'm going through or whatever.

like...... but..

how do i know i wasn't just influenced by the internet to be trans? (not blaming anyone here, just myself. Plus Reddit... i browse reddit.... anyway shut up lily.)

so uhh.. yeah how do i know.

because sure, "cis people wouldn't spend months being trans or obsessing over it or whatever the heck it is that I'm doing"

but what if I'm somehow the exception?

what if my adhd/anxiety/depression/something else makes the situation different for me?

I've obsessed over things before that i obviously don't have, but those were less believable and less logical that being trans. Even if some of my early thoughts were literally "i can't believe i actually might be trans, i never really thought that was possible for me"... idk.. also being trans isn't a "negative" or "bad" thing, per se, unlike some other things I obsessed over. Being trans (or LGBTQ+) is actually, imo, a "good" thing. Like.. I think I secretly wanted to be so for a while, even if I didn't know it? Lots of people around me are, and they're all just.. so cool. So.. maybe I just wanted to be cool? "I wish I was special..." (song reference). And does that mean I'm not trans? Also, going back to the "good" thing, since I see being trans as "good," I could've just allowed myself to more seriously consider/obsess over, and actually delude myself into thinking I'm trans...?

...why do i keep writing such long messages lately?

yeah idk what else to say for now..

but the overall point is how can i just say I'm trans and be confident in it.. when LITERALLY the thing that sparked it all was:

 

and if I'm being honest, i think i even skimmed it cuz i was too scared to read it fully or something for some reason.

i guess it feels like my experience/process wasn't authentic or natural, since like I was aware.. it's like like there was a lead-up... was there?

I think I started trying to present more feminine online in the months leading up to it (when I *was* online, that is..)

I've always... for some reason been interested in how girls.. type, online. And how it was different from how... males type. I wanted to type like a girl for some reason...

but like for some reason I associate(d) stuff like UwU, OwO, :3, and other "cutesy" emoticon-type-stuff with femininity, and so I used them tehe..

I allowed myself to use them. At least a little.

I've probably said this several times now... but once I was in a chat with some people and someone asked "wait, <my username>, are you a woman?"

And I... kinda wanted to say yes, but of course my dumb brain just said "I've neither confirmed nor denied blah blah" etc...

same happened a while before that. I was chatting with this person and said I was a girl, and even like tried it for a few minutes or something, like I typed like I was and "tried to sell it," but then like they asked "really?" or something and then I... yeah.. stopped.

I just wish I had said "yes" (for both) and been a woman online, then had that as pretty strong "proof" to myself and others (including just how it felt) whenever I realized/questioned if I was trans.

is it weird that I'm pretty sure I've gotten gender envy when I've seen people using female characters in video games?

I just wish I'd *allowed* myself the so many things I denied myself...

sooner..

[Aeoryi she/her]

7 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

how do i know I'm not just internalizing (or whatever the word is) being trans and like making myself believe it..?

that's, in definition, what a lot of us "transgenders" are doing you do know 

we have to make ourselves believe it whether we like it or not because at the end of the day no one else is going to do it for you. Some people get it easier than others, some people take longer. 

8 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

idk what to say/do/think because like again today i literally literally felt like a girl and i was like sitting at my school and looking blankly ahead sort of but imagining myself in that moment and seeing myself as a girl but also just looking forward out of my eyes, i felt like i was.. looking from the perspective of a girl? idk if that makes sense.

plus i was wearing a pretty cute outfit :3

awesome!

8 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

but still even with that I'm not entirely sure

and now i don't know if i should just forget/move past these doubts at this point?

Doubts are good to have occasionally- it's the mark of wisdom, after all. But when they start to control your life they start to be a problem.

10 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

how do i know i wasn't just influenced by the internet to be trans? (not blaming anyone here, just myself. Plus Reddit... i browse reddit.... anyway shut up lily.)

you were influenced by the internet to be trans. There you go. Are you happier now? 

Because the point is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if someone found out that they were trans because they always engaged in stereotypically feminine things, or whether they discovered it through looking at types sexual material - like, it might sound pathetic to say "oh yeah I discovered my gender on a fansite for a unpopular fiction author" but like at the same time does it really matter? 

I bet you a lot of the "actual" trans people discovered their gender identity through means that are absurd or non-conventional to you.

13 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

what if my adhd/anxiety/depression/something else makes the situation different for me?

I've obsessed over things before that i obviously don't have, but those were less believable and less logical that being trans. Even if some of my early thoughts were literally "i can't believe i actually might be trans, i never really thought that was possible for me"... idk.. also being trans isn't a "negative" or "bad" thing, per se, unlike some other things I obsessed over. Being trans (or LGBTQ+) is actually, imo, a "good" thing. Like.. I think I secretly wanted to be so for a while, even if I didn't know it? Lots of people around me are, and they're all just.. so cool. So.. maybe I just wanted to be cool? "I wish I was special..." (song reference). And does that mean I'm not trans? Also, going back to the "good" thing, since I see being trans as "good," I could've just allowed myself to more seriously consider/obsess over, and actually delude myself into thinking I'm trans...?

ok being real with you: every argument of "I'm not in the right frame of mind that I should be in for these kinds of decisions" ("I didn't discover it the way I should've", "what if I'm just doing it to be cool and this isn't me" or "what if it's some kind of placebo?") fails when you consider what you're standard frame of mind is- this argument works when arguing with an intoxicated person's judgement ability, but not with a normal human. Because when you make these decisions, it's not like you're under a hypnotic spell or intense duress that forces you to think one way. This is the impact of social programming- we've been trained and raised in a way where we ever consider a thought that could be wrong we immediately dismiss it as "not us"- this is unhealthy and also just not a sturdy argument. 

17 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

but the overall point is how can i just say I'm trans and be confident in it.. when LITERALLY the thing that sparked it all

At some point you'll just come to terms with that it's who you are. It takes time though.

17 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

what if I'm somehow the exception?

as that one person who was technically "that exception" before like it doesn't really apply to something defined as a desire to be something else because faking something probably means that you are it. 

18 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

guess it feels like my experience/process wasn't authentic or natural, since like I was aware.. it's like like there was a lead-up... was there?

I think I started trying to present more feminine online in the months leading up to it (when I *was* online, that is..)

I've always... for some reason been interested in how girls.. type, online. And how it was different from how... males type. I wanted to type like a girl for some reason...

Well yes the longer you are trans the more you'll either realize this or reappropriate your backstory to fit that narrative. It's normal. As for whether it makes you more or less legitimate, it doesn't matter.

19 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

I've probably said this several times now... but once I was in a chat with some people and someone asked "wait, <my username>, are you a woman?"

And I... kinda wanted to say yes, but of course my dumb brain just said "I've neither confirmed nor denied blah blah" etc..

this is like that one time...

Spoiler

21 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

same happened a while before that. I was chatting with this person and said I was a girl, and even like tried it for a few minutes or something, like I typed like I was and "tried to sell it," but then like they asked "really?" or something and then I... yeah.. stopped.

Well yeah it's normal to feel alien in spaces that shouldn't seem like they belong to you. for example when I consider myself to have gone full-time with being female-presenting online I originally avoided engaging in any sort of comments about my gender and also felt incredibly uncomfortable in situations where the fact that I was "pretending" (at the time) was preventing me from actually feeling like I was telling the truth to these people. 

The truth is, if you're trying to be, like, in intense stealth you're going to end up in situations like that. That's why it can sometimes help to be visibly trans, because you won't attract that kind of situation to yourself. 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

12 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

that's, in definition, what a lot of us "transgenders" are doing you do know

but i feel like I'm just telling myself I'm a supposed to be a girl and listening to that but obviously i still doubt myself and idk.

13 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Doubts are good to have occasionally- it's the mark of wisdom, after all. But when they start to control your life they start to be a problem.

my brain is too confused to know what i think at the moment... but i feel like I've doubted a lot...?

15 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

you were influenced by the internet to be trans. There you go. Are you happier now? 

Because the point is that it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if someone found out that they were trans because they always engaged in stereotypically feminine things, or whether they discovered it through looking at types sexual material - like, it might sound pathetic to say "oh yeah I discovered my gender on a fansite for a unpopular fiction author" but like at the same time does it really matter? 

I bet you a lot of the "actual" trans people discovered their gender identity through means that are absurd or non-conventional to you.

but.. for me I just basically saw the word "trans" and was like "ooh! new thing to obsess over!"

at least whateevr that's how i see it maybe kinda..?

i wish I'd discovered it through something like that.

i mean.... I won't get into details but...uhhh.. yeh nvmmmmmm

i barely even know how or why i discovered anything me trans

i wish a lot i could go back and see exactly what i was thinking at certain moments.

20 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

ok being real with you: every argument of "I'm not in the right frame of mind that I should be in for these kinds of decisions" ("I didn't discover it the way I should've", "what if I'm just doing it to be cool and this isn't me" or "what if it's some kind of placebo?") fails when you consider what you're standard frame of mind is- this argument works when arguing with an intoxicated person's judgement ability, but not with a normal human. Because when you make these decisions, it's not like you're under a hypnotic spell or intense duress that forces you to think one way. This is the impact of social programming- we've been trained and raised in a way where we ever consider a thought that could be wrong we immediately dismiss it as "not us"- this is unhealthy and also just not a sturdy argument. 

but uh.. depression?

does that count as being intoxicated?

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO DAMN HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

like ugh I can't stormin understand ANYTHING

21 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

At some point you'll just come to terms with that it's who you are. It takes time though.

like 6 months ...?

cough hrt cough

btw to answer your question from your last post i forgot to... i probably wanted hrt cuz i thought i should

i say "probably" because i don't actually know why i wanted it, or maybe i do and don't want to admit it to myself.

23 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

as that one person who was technically "that exception" before like it doesn't really apply to something defined as a desire to be something else because faking something probably means that you are it. 

if faking being trans means i probably am trans... then what about... being worried I'm faking it..?

idk sis...

24 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Well yes the longer you are trans the more you'll either realize this or reappropriate your backstory to fit that narrative. It's normal. As for whether it makes you more or less legitimate, it doesn't matter.

ughh now i just feel stupid again

do all these stupid "sign" and thoughts or experiences in my dumb past even mean anything or am i just manipulating or altering then to fit the narrative?

this is part of what's holding me back with the hrt doctor people.. because i don't wanna sound like a stormin idiot..

26 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

Well yeah it's normal to feel alien in spaces that shouldn't seem like they belong to you. for example when I consider myself to have gone full-time with being female-presenting online I originally avoided engaging in any sort of comments about my gender and also felt incredibly uncomfortable in situations where the fact that I was "pretending" (at the time) was preventing me from actually feeling like I was telling the truth to these people. 

The truth is, if you're trying to be, like, in intense stealth you're going to end up in situations like that. That's why it can sometimes help to be visibly trans, because you won't attract that kind of situation to yourself. 

well.. i guess i was female-presenting without realizing it a lot. i mean i kinda did realize but not in a "oh that means I'm trans" way..?

idk idk

i feel like i just keep inventing parts of my past as "evidence" and crap.

[Verdance he/him]

I don’t really associate that kind of typing with being feminine- not exactly the pinnacle of masculinity myself but i wouldnt say i see :3’ing is anything less than androgynous

Then again, take it with a grain of salt

——

Im not sure what you find is the problem with just continuing to affirm yourself as feminine. 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, Verdance said:

I don’t really associate that kind of typing with being feminine- not exactly the pinnacle of masculinity myself but i wouldnt say i see :3’ing is anything less than androgynous

Then again, take it with a grain of salt

——

Im not sure what you find is the problem with just continuing to affirm yourself as feminine. 

well at the very least it's cute, which is what I've been and what i was aiming for. imo.

*eats a spoon of salt just so it—*

—————

the problem is how do i know if it's actually affirming? cuz if im not a girl then it's not affirming. if i am, then great and i can continue. but if I'm not I'm just continuing the delulu..

[Verdance he/him]

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

well at the very least it's cute, which is what I've been and what i was aiming for. imo.

*eats a spoon of salt just so it—*

—————

the problem is how do i know if it's actually affirming? cuz if im not a girl then it's not affirming. if i am, then great and i can continue. but if I'm not I'm just continuing the delulu..

okay, ive spent the last like five years of my life adapting my worldview to the perspective that identity on a deeper level that behavior is subjective to the individual and this is confusing me

if you say you are a girl

does that not make you a girl 

is that not enough

you have already convinced me, why are you psyching yourself out? Delusional would be what i did, where i said i was trans because i thought i couldn’t have friends- but your worth is not subject to your identity, but your actions. 

so i ask once again: who do you want to be?

[Aeoryi she/her]

1 minute ago, Usseewa said:

but i feel like I'm just telling myself I'm a supposed to be a girl and listening to that but obviously i still doubt myself and idk

First of all, why do you have a GD level as your PFP banner. That level is made by (essentially) corporate slot and is kinda a joke. 

Okay

Yeah telling yourself is going to help but you actually need to start believing in yourself being right instead of being contrary to that if that makes sense

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

my brain is too confused to know what i think at the moment... but i feel like I've doubted a lot...?

everyone does- I can tell you I've probably doubted more, if that helps.

3 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

but.. for me I just basically saw the word "trans" and was like "ooh! new thing to obsess over!"

okay but like you see I have the same issue. I knew it was possibly an issue anyways but then you also have to play to your strengths and accept that it could be the case and just wait and see if that's the case. I have ADHD too, you know. I worried about this too. 

But the fact of the matter is you just have to push past it, accept it may happen and then be surprised when it dies (because it won't)

5 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

at least whateevr that's how i see it maybe kinda..?

i wish I'd discovered it through something like that.

i mean.... I won't get into details but...uhhh.. yeh nvmmmmmm

i barely even know how or why i discovered anything me trans

i wish a lot i could go back and see exactly what i was thinking at certain moments.

meh just don't worry about trying to bring your entire past into line with being trans-y that's a waste of time. You can instead bring your current you into that

5 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

but uh.. depression?

does that count as being intoxicated?

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO DAMN HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

like ugh I can't stormin understand ANYTHING

if this metric were to be considered we would be saying that anyone with depression would be unable to make proper decisions for themselves, and I think we can both agree that saying that is a disservice to others who have depression as well. 

As I said, it's a flimsy argument to make.

7 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

like 6 months ...?

cough hrt cough

btw to answer your question from your last post i forgot to... i probably wanted hrt cuz i thought i should

i say "probably" because i don't actually know why i wanted it, or maybe i do and don't want to admit it to myself.

Some get it faster. Others take longer. It doesn't matter which camp you fall under. Or what insurance says for that matter.

You would only spend the time trying to get hrt if you wanted it, lol

9 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

faking being trans means i probably am trans... then what about... being worried I'm faking it..

normal. Too bad. You're not faking it.

11 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

ughh now i just feel stupid again

do all these stupid "sign" and thoughts or experiences in my dumb past even mean anything or am i just manipulating or altering then to fit the narrative?

this is part of what's holding me back with the hrt doctor people.. because i don't wanna sound like a stormin idiot

well yeah they might tell you otherwise but let's be honest manipulating the narrative matters very little when the truth doesn't change

12 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

well.. i guess i was female-presenting without realizing it a lot. i mean i kinda did realize but not in a "oh that means I'm trans" way..?

idk idk

i feel like i just keep inventing parts of my past as "evidence" and crap.

well yeah that happened to me as well... In fact for me it was not because I was trans (because I HATED trans people at the time) ok in fact I told myself explicitly that it was normal to present female online and that I wasn't trans but actually just enby etc

Don't worry too much about that kind of stuff. We all naturally do it, you see, and whether you do it or not has little bearing on you as a person.

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

16 minutes ago, Verdance said:

okay, ive spent the last like five years of my life adapting my worldview to the perspective that identity on a deeper level that behavior is subjective to the individual and this is confusing me

if you say you are a girl

does that not make you a girl 

is that not enough

you have already convinced me, why are you psyching yourself out? Delusional would be what i did, where i said i was trans because i thought i couldn’t have friends- but your worth is not subject to your identity, but your actions. 

so i ask once again: who do you want to be?

i don't know who i want to be at this point. i. fact i don't think i ever did, because i always made myself think i wanted to be someone i actually really did not... and am only finally realizing that, kinda? maybe

i don't even know if that's true or if I'm just saying it like an cuz it makes sense

like the piece of organic predictive text i am.

 

how do i know who i want to be?

13 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

First of all, why do you have a GD level as your PFP banner. That level is made by (essentially) corporate slot and is kinda a joke. 

Okay

Yeah telling yourself is going to help but you actually need to start believing in yourself being right instead of being contrary to that if that makes sense

everyone does- I can tell you I've probably doubted more, if that helps.

okay but like you see I have the same issue. I knew it was possibly an issue anyways but then you also have to play to your strengths and accept that it could be the case and just wait and see if that's the case. I have ADHD too, you know. I worried about this too. 

But the fact of the matter is you just have to push past it, accept it may happen and then be surprised when it dies (because it won't)

meh just don't worry about trying to bring your entire past into line with being trans-y that's a waste of time. You can instead bring your current you into that

if this metric were to be considered we would be saying that anyone with depression would be unable to make proper decisions for themselves, and I think we can both agree that saying that is a disservice to others who have depression as well. 

As I said, it's a flimsy argument to make.

Some get it faster. Others take longer. It doesn't matter which camp you fall under. Or what insurance says for that matter.

You would only spend the time trying to get hrt if you wanted it, lol

normal. Too bad. You're not faking it.

well yeah they might tell you otherwise but let's be honest manipulating the narrative matters very little when the truth doesn't change

well yeah that happened to me as well... In fact for me it was not because I was trans (because I HATED trans people at the time) ok in fact I told myself explicitly that it was normal to present female online and that I wasn't trans but actually just enby etc

Don't worry too much about that kind of stuff. We all naturally do it, you see, and whether you do it or not has little bearing on you as a person.

oh... sorry i didn't realize.

i just thought it looked cool.

sorry i don't feel like responding to everything again it's a little tiring or something maybe, just rn it is.

i don't know what the heck my problem is

ughhhhh i hate this all

if i just accept that I'm a girl without holding myself back with these stupid meaningless doubts, then ... I just hope I'm not wrong. then what do i do? get hrt? everyone says you don't need hrt to be trans, you don't need it to transition, so should I *not* get it? should i just wait longer?

ugh stupid lily dumb brain now I'm just going back to what I've done my whole life and relying on others to tell me what to do.

so but if i decide to get hrt (to try again, more like), then will it even matter.. will it even change anything... and plus I'd need to talk to them which ugh i need to like explain my dysphoria or whatever to them and why i want it and

I'm really scared that... what if i don't actually want hrt and the only reason I've been pursuing it is because i feel like i should/have to?

i don't want that to be true but what if it is? why can't i come up with a real reason besides "uhhh idk, breasts?"

(i actually usually say the mental changes... then breasts but it feels weird to say it cuz then they'll think I'm weird.)

i don't storming know what i want

or maybe i do

but don't realize

what the heck is wrong with me

 

sorry for not responding to everything and ending up posting a bit long anyway.. sigh

[Aeoryi she/her]

10 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

i don't know who i want to be at this point. i. fact i don't think i ever did, because i always made myself think i wanted to be someone i actually really did not... and am only finally realizing that, kinda? maybe

i don't even know if that's true or if I'm just saying it like an cuz it makes sense

like the piece of organic predictive text i am.

 

how do i know who i want to be?

oh... sorry i didn't realize.

i just thought it looked cool.

sorry i don't feel like responding to everything again it's a little tiring or something maybe, just rn it is.

i don't know what the heck my problem is

ughhhhh i hate this all

if i just accept that I'm a girl without holding myself back with these stupid meaningless doubts, then ... I just hope I'm not wrong. then what do i do? get hrt? everyone says you don't need hrt to be trans, you don't need it to transition, so should I *not* get it? should i just wait longer?

ugh stupid lily dumb brain now I'm just going back to what I've done my whole life and relying on others to tell me what to do.

so but if i decide to get hrt (to try again, more like), then will it even matter.. will it even change anything... and plus I'd need to talk to them which ugh i need to like explain my dysphoria or whatever to them and why i want it and

I'm really scared that... what if i don't actually want hrt and the only reason I've been pursuing it is because i feel like i should/have to?

i don't want that to be true but what if it is? why can't i come up with a real reason besides "uhhh idk, breasts?"

(i actually usually say the mental changes... then breasts but it feels weird to say it cuz then they'll think I'm weird.)

i don't storming know what i want

or maybe i do

but don't realize

what the heck is wrong with me

 

sorry for not responding to everything and ending up posting a bit long anyway.. sigh

Wait pause

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

Wait pause

what?

did i say something?

*metaphorically bites nails*

[Aeoryi she/her]

3 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

what?

did i say something?

*metaphorically bites nails*

 

Spoiler

 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

 

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is that about me :3?

sorry i feel you.. sometimes it's hard to find the "perfect advice"..

 

add me on disco my user is

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[Aeoryi she/her]

22 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

is that about me :3?

sorry i feel you.. sometimes it's hard to find the "perfect advice"..

 

add me on disco my user is

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Yep! 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

Yep! 

 uwu

that's neat

 

[Aeoryi she/her]

2 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

 uwu

that's neat

 

wow I can't believe it worked

but yeah she has a good point if you're cis (even pretending to be trans) you'd never even attempt to get hrt

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

3 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

wow I can't believe it worked

but yeah she has a good point if you're cis (even pretending to be trans) you'd never even attempt to get hrt

what worked

that can't be exceptionless, tho?

[Aeoryi she/her]

17 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

what worked

that can't be exceptionless, tho?

It is exceptionless basically. If you were cis you wouldn't be trying to take feminizing hormone therapy, end of story

[Aeoryi she/her]

@Usseewa another piece of advice for you

Quote

labels should serve people. people should not serve labels. the reason you “don’t need hrt to be trans” is because there is no correct way to be trans. just do what you wanna and don’t worry so much about what to call it or if you’re doing it right or whatever

and “uhhh, idk, breasts?” is totally a real reason

the reason to do hrt is if you want the effects it’s gonna have on your body

I was always confused by the emphasis people put on the “born this way” part of queerness, be that sexuality or gender

like, why does that even matter?

(this is likely in part because I’m bi and have difficulty imagining what it would be like to be, well, monosexual, and _not_ have a choice as to the gender of one’s partner without sacrificing attraction)

but, like, even if sexuality were a choice, WHY DOES THAT MATTER?

people make lots of choices

so let them choose already

you don’t need permission

(for clarity, “you” does not refer to any specific person here, “you” just means anyone)

ditto gender

like, if you wanna girl, girl! if you wanna boy, boy! if you wanna mix it up or opt-out entirely, do that! why’s it gotta be so hard?

(I know why it IS hard, but, y’know, it shouldn’t be)