Trans Hangout Thread

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

3 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

no not really

dissociation isn't really me... I don't frame it as that ..

how do you mean?

I'm just feeling like depressed but weird

--

also i just realized that I actually made a game where the player is basically female hehe. It's pixels tho so harder to tell but yah... hehe.

This was a while ago

I also played a ... pirated maybe ... version of Celeste for like a few minutes prolly.

Edited March 21 by Through The Living Girl

[Aeoryi she/her]

8 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

how do you mean?

I'm just feeling like depressed but weird

--

also i just realized that I actually made a game where the player is basically female hehe. It's pixels tho so harder to tell but yah... hehe.

This was a while ago

I also played a ... pirated maybe ... version of Celeste for like a few minutes prolly.

I don't do dissociation even if I do ...

also I've loved Celeste since I was 13

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Just now, Aeoryi said:

I don't do dissociation even if I do ...

also I've loved Celeste since I was 13

I don't think I knew about Celeste until a year or so ago.. and even then I never played many videgames

oh crap I just remembered I actually made another platformer with a female player. Though for that one I had a very good excuse, cuz I was just following a tutorial and used the same sprite. Doesn't mean it wasn't nice, it was, I think.

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

I don't do dissociation even if I do ...

also I've loved Celeste since I was 13

Also I'm still not even entirely sure if/how/whatever I do dissociation

[Verdance he/him]

32 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

same lol....

then sometimes the shard just makes me sick so i go down rabbit holes on the internet

but like .. yeah. Makes me feel Breathless and Hollow. Haha..

I've also always been a bland loser..

I remember a while ago i kinda had like the mindset that i was basically a robot (tho not literally?) but like robotic and emotionless and monotone and yeah... I mean i kinda was.. but i still felt emotions like strong anger or upsetness/frustration, but sometimes things just don't faze me. In fact in the past year or few I've "taught myself" to just ignore and be numb to most insults and whatnot.. like I just ignore it or don't react. Some may say it's a good thing. I'm now thinking maybe not-so-much.

I don't even think I've really felt grief. When my family was grieving, I was kinda forcing myself to cry I think and I just didn't feel that sad by it. Maybe like "oh," like a little shock or like something mildly surprising was said to me instead of something that should be very sad. Yeah...

Anyway I'll stop there since I gotta do other stuff

Lately, a tough pill to swallow, but ill try to compose…

hmmm yeah for me i chalk that up to adhd that’s basically my entire existence. i know for other people depression is like living under a cloud but for me its like i live in a planet with no atmosphere. Except occasionally i feel angry or hopeless when im not distracting myself. So yeah i just try and ignore it

idk, I couldn’t care less if people said mean things about me, if they do then they aren’t worth enough as a person in my eyes to value their opinion. its when someone earns my respect that their opinion can hurt me

Never had anything to truly feel grief about, maybe sometimes i have been to the point where i feel like im grieving myself, like my life is over, but then i just get over it. I can’t be sad for very long and i hate that about myself because i want to be truly sad sometimes its good for me

hmmm

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

Languid on the couch

CW/TW maybe? Could be (mis?)construed as suicide or SH or something, idk.

Spoiler

Spoiler

Yeah. Speaking of no atmosphere I've tried holding my breath sometimes and it's nice. Like just relaxing and holding your breath/not breathing. Or doing the deadman's float (basically when swimming, lying facedown in the water with arms and legs spread out and you just float there). I loved it. Oh, and going under the water and relaxing. Yeah. That's the only thing I liked about swimming. Otherwise I hated it.

Also CW/TW for possible interpretation as drowning

As for just depression, I've almost always felt like my depression was different than other people's, but yah idk. I've pretty much been depressed nonstop for years (probably true), so yeah...

Yeah true. And then sometimes I actually do hurt but just keep it held inside and suffer on the inside but who cares.

Yeah... I've had a few things, but they seemed minor to me, even though they really weren't. Or, they seemed distant? Right now I'm kinda grieving myself because of the life I didn't have and all those years wasted. Like I'm thinking I could've at least tried to get some happiness from presenting as female online. Also... I don't know if I've said this here but a few years back or so I thought I was gonna die. The specifics maybe aren't relevant, but basically when people were excited for stuff or talking about things in the future, I thought to myself "yeah... I won't be around then" and never really told anyone that actually. It kinda went away after maybe a few weeks idk, but yeah it kinda sucked. Also speaking of excitement... I'm not often excited for things, and sometimes that makes me guilty especially when it's something like spending time with someone.

 

Edit: I also kinda... just do what I'm told. Like don't make many choices for myself or have much of an opinion, I guess. At least in the past.

Edited March 21 by Through The Living Girl

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

I think I'm feeling dysphoria but idk what's wrong, besides the last few days I just haven't felt like myself I guess. Or not the new self.

Spoiler

I've also.. kinda been somewhat neglecting self-care.

Like I...don't feel... girly like I did before. I feel more depressed kinda or dull and different and for some reason... feel like a guy... but I don't like that..

 

Like idk even wearing new clothes doesn't bring me joy and I feel both helpless like I want to scream but not enough motivation, strength, or something else to do so.

 

It's kinda hard to describe everything aside from that I feel different.

 

Edit: and like when I write stuff (including this) it doesn't feel like me. It feels maybe like there's a layer between me and it.

 

@Hmmm lies

 

I was also trying out new meds that I'm stopping today so we'll see? I felt better last night/late evening so that's good.

Edited March 23 by Through The Living Girl

[Aeoryi she/her]

37 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

I think I'm feeling dysphoria but idk what's wrong, besides the last few days I just haven't felt like myself I guess. Or not the new self.

  Reveal hidden contents

I've also.. kinda been somewhat neglecting self-care.

Like I...don't feel... girly like I did before. I feel more depressed kinda or dull and different and for some reason... feel like a guy... but I don't like that..

 

Like idk even wearing new clothes doesn't bring me joy and I feel both helpless like I want to scream but not enough motivation, strength, or something else to do so.

 

It's kinda hard to describe everything aside from that I feel different.

 

Edit: and like when I write stuff (including this) it doesn't feel like me. It feels maybe like there's a layer between me and it.

It's ok I feel similar sometimes

[Verdance he/him]

46 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

I think I'm feeling dysphoria but idk what's wrong, besides the last few days I just haven't felt like myself I guess. Or not the new self.

  Reveal hidden contents

I've also.. kinda been somewhat neglecting self-care.

Like I...don't feel... girly like I did before. I feel more depressed kinda or dull and different and for some reason... feel like a guy... but I don't like that..

 

Like idk even wearing new clothes doesn't bring me joy and I feel both helpless like I want to scream but not enough motivation, strength, or something else to do so.

 

It's kinda hard to describe everything aside from that I feel different.

 

Edit: and like when I write stuff (including this) it doesn't feel like me. It feels maybe like there's a layer between me and it.

If it’s any consolation, I don’t see anything in you that indicates you have ever been anything but a girl.

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

9 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

If it’s any consolation, I don’t see anything in you that indicates you have ever been anything but a girl.

Thanks...

I just feel sick and hungry and thirsty and tired and mentally-incapable of anything and depressed but can't do anything

[Aeoryi she/her]

6 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

Thanks...

I just feel sick and hungry and thirsty and tired and mentally-incapable of anything and depressed but can't do anything

make sure to take care of yourself first okay?

[Verdance he/him]

6 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

Thanks...

I just feel sick and hungry and thirsty and tired and mentally-incapable of anything and depressed but can't do anything

… rest, eat, drink, sleep. Idk.

I exhausted all my writing energy for a while so ive been looking into other creative outlets like Minecraft or music and that kind of reenergized me. 

Idk, if you’re stuck, dont give up, just find something different to do. 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

1 minute ago, Aeoryi said:

make sure to take care of yourself first okay?

first? before what?

I'll probably eat soon ig. ive been hungry for hours but ignoring/forgetting it cuz it's dull and i was occupied

2 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

… rest, eat, drink, sleep. Idk.

I exhausted all my writing energy for a while so ive been looking into other creative outlets like Minecraft or music and that kind of reenergized me. 

Idk, if you’re stuck, dont give up, just find something different to do. 

mentally unable includes thinking and talking more than basics

 

I'll.. try making an effort to take better care of myself 

[Aeoryi she/her]

10 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

first? before what?

I'll probably eat soon ig. ive been hungry for hours but ignoring/forgetting it cuz it's dull and i was occupied

mentally unable includes thinking and talking more than basics

 

I'll.. try making an effort to take better care of myself 

before anything else

something something Maslow's Hierarchy of needs says you need basic survival stuff before anything else

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

12 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

before anything else

something something Maslow's Hierarchy of needs says you need basic survival stuff before anything else

yeah i guess

i haven't been following that at all..

[Aeoryi she/her]

2 minutes ago, Through The Living Girl said:

yeah i guess

i haven't been following that at all..

you should you should

Also

HRT appointment tomorrow I keep on having dreams about it

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

59 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

you should you should

Also

HRT appointment tomorrow I keep on having dreams about it

i want hrt...

I don't like my face i keep just shutting my mouth and biting my tongue or grinding my teeth or something because i keep having a stupid dull face when i shouldn't and i can't help it

[Hmmm lies she/her]

15 hours ago, Through The Living Girl said:

I think I'm feeling dysphoria but idk what's wrong, besides the last few days I just haven't felt like myself I guess. Or not the new self.

  Reveal hidden contents

I've also.. kinda been somewhat neglecting self-care.

Like I...don't feel... girly like I did before. I feel more depressed kinda or dull and different and for some reason... feel like a guy... but I don't like that..

 

Like idk even wearing new clothes doesn't bring me joy and I feel both helpless like I want to scream but not enough motivation, strength, or something else to do so.

 

It's kinda hard to describe everything aside from that I feel different.

 

Edit: and like when I write stuff (including this) it doesn't feel like me. It feels maybe like there's a layer between me and it.

 

@Hmmm lies

 

I was also trying out new meds that I'm stopping today so we'll see? I felt better last night/late evening so that's good.

I've felt like that before, it was more or less just random bouts of dysphoria. It wasn't that intense, but still like I had similar symptoms (not enjoying new clothes and stuff). I'm uh, not really sure what to do about that, I just kinda waited until that stopped. 

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

20 minutes ago, Hmmm lies said:

I've felt like that before, it was more or less just random bouts of dysphoria. It wasn't that intense, but still like I had similar symptoms (not enjoying new clothes and stuff). I'm uh, not really sure what to do about that, I just kinda waited until that stopped. 

Yeah lol...

I think it's stopped. Maybe.

 

now I'm just writing Everything Everything into a document for "proof I'm trans" so I can get HRT lol.

I just needa be able to verbalize stuff for them to give me it

 

Spoiler

omg wait i think that's me

Edited March 23 by Through The Living Girl

[Ink and Embers Any pronouns]

My social dysphoria has been getting worse and now I wince everytime someone says my deadname (I think it might be worse now I'm actually out to 5 people IRL). Yay.

19 hours ago, Aeoryi said:

you should you should

Also

HRT appointment tomorrow I keep on having dreams about it

Oooo good luck!!!!! *hugs*

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

but what if I'm not trans

how do i know i am

do i actually have dysphoria?

why do i keep doubting

...

[Aeoryi she/her]

17 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

but what if I'm not trans

how do i know i am

do i actually have dysphoria?

why do i keep doubting

...

yeah what if you aren't, then what

[Verdance he/him]

43 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

but what if I'm not trans

how do i know i am

do i actually have dysphoria?

why do i keep doubting

...

Hey, are you okay?

[Usseewa ✾ She♡Her ✾]

30 minutes ago, Aeoryi said:

yeah what if you aren't, then what

then I'll've wasted

then I'll be a fool

then I won't actually need hrt

5 minutes ago, Through The Living Grass said:

Hey, are you okay?

im fine i guess. just trying to spend less time on the shard.

i mean rn i think im feeling dysphoria but overall im not dying or very depressed or anything.

[Verdance he/him]

1 minute ago, Usseewa said:

then I'll've wasted

then I'll be a fool

then I won't actually need hrt

im fine i guess. just trying to spend less time on the shard.

i mean rn i think im feeling dysphoria but overall im not dying or very depressed or anything.

I think it’s up to you. You wouldn’t be a fool, you would have just done what was best for yourself at the time. It’s up to you, though I personally see you as a girl and hope you’re okay with yourself that way. 
(i should spend less time on the shard as well)

[Aeoryi she/her]

10 minutes ago, Usseewa said:

then I'll've wasted

then I'll be a fool

then I won't actually need hrt

im fine i guess. just trying to spend less time on the shard.

i mean rn i think im feeling dysphoria but overall im not dying or very depressed or anything.

The label transgender does not define who you are, but rather you fit the definition; you are independent of the label transgender and should thus treat it as such