Help me make a cosmere bar joke

[Fatebreaker he/him]

So a one-armed Herdazian and his cousin walk into a bar and order some drinks. They drink for a while when a pompous Alethi challenges him to a drinking contest. The first one to finish their Horneater Lager is the winner.

The one-armed Herdazian agrees and they both order the drinks. The contest begins and the Alethi fall behind. Overcome at the sight of his cousin winning, the two armed cousin shouts "Hi-five!"

The One armed Herdazian drops his lager and promptly loses the contest.

Edited November 15, 2014 by Fatebreaker

[Observer]

A midnight essence walks into a bar. Unfortunately, his identification was considered inaccurate due to daylight savings time.

[Kobold King he/him]

Hoid walks into a bar.*

 

 

 

* For the punchline to this and every other Hoid joke, please wait for Dragonsteel to be released.

[Twenty@20 he/him]

Hoid walks into a bar.*

..and the bar got burned down.

Why? Turns out that wasn't Hoid at all. Only a Dragon (insert proper Dragonsteel reference here) who was Lightweaving as Hoid.

Edited November 11, 2014 by Twenty@20

[Observer]

Bavadin walks into a bar. He can't get a drink though, because nobody can know anything at all about him.

Edited November 11, 2014 by Observer

[Twenty@20 he/him]

Not a bar joke but close enough

Why did Vasher join Apple?

Because he heard it was heavily Invested.

What did Nightblood say to Vasher on first day at Apple?

Go and Destroy EVIL!! Seriously guys, what else did you expect.

Edited November 11, 2014 by Twenty@20

[Twenty@20 he/him]

One more. This is for the Syl-Nightblood shippers.

What would the movie "The Girl Next Door" be called if it featured Syl and Nightblood?

The Girl Next Sword. :lol:

[18th Shard he/him]

A Hemalurgist walked into a bar. He picked it up and realized that is where his missing spike went.

[Observer]

Vin picked up a bar. She turned to mist before she could get the other one though.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Nale walks into a bar. 

The bartender asks him, "What'll ya have?"

Nake looks down the bar at a pair of underage drinkers and replies, 

"Justice."

Edited November 13, 2014 by Fatebreaker

[Fatebreaker he/him]

A Horneater walks into a bar and sits down. 

The bartender says to him, "You know, we've got a lager named after you."

The Horneater looks at him and says, "You have a lager named Numuhukumakiaki'aialunamor?"

[Titan Arum]

A one-armed Herdazian lopes into a bar and orders 116 cups of wine. The bartender looks skeptically at him, to which he replies "hey, gancho, I'm just buying the first round for my cousins!"

Adolin and a group of his lighteyed officer friends decided to walk to a new wine bar they'd learned about called Bar Urithiru. Unfortunately, they got lost on their way and never found it.

 

Stick walks into a bar and orders a drink. Stick pays with an emerald broam; as the bartender hands him change in the form of smaller marks and chips, he grunts "change", to which Stick angrily replies "I AM A STICK!!!!!"

 

EDIT: Adding jokes to this reply as I think of them instead of creating new replies.

Edited November 13, 2014 by Titan Arum

[Observer]

A one armed Herdazian loses a drinking contest. I hope you all found this wildly implausible event humorous.

Edited November 13, 2014 by Observer

[Pathfinder]

a feruchemist walks into a bar. He angrily rubs the bump on his head and regrets storing sight while walking. 

[BreathTaker he/him]

A Steel Inquisitor walks into a bar... It was made of wood.

[Twenty@20 he/him]

Pattern and a Seon went into a bar.

Seon:You are going live in three, two, one.

Pattern: (facing the Seon)This is Pattern of the Daily Cosmere reporting live from the Luthadel Bar..

Edited November 14, 2014 by Twenty@20

[Renegade he/him]

A Copper Ferring walks into a bar.

 

After noticing the large bump on his head, he then proceeds to walk into the bar again.

[Quiver he/him]

Tien walks into a bar.

 

He walks out of the bar because they don't sell drinks on the rocks.

Oh, and because he's underage and dark eyes. I'm sure Roshar  has strict drinking policies.

Edited November 19, 2014 by Quiver

[Delightful]

Tien walks into a bar.

 

He walks out of the bar because they don't sell drinks on the rocks.

Oh, and because he's underage and dark eyes. I'm sure Roshar  has strict drinking policies.

Szeth is gratified by the respect this bar has for his Stone Shamanism, and immediately orders two drinks.

[Vision he/him]

Vin walks into a bar and orders and Allomantic Cocktail. She tosses the bartender a bag of coins, saying “Thanks for the refuel.” The bartender nods and replies “Thanks for the ammo.” 

[Paragrin she/her]

A Herdazian walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "What'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three mugs of Horneater lager, gancho." So the bartender brings him three mugs and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more. The bartender says, "I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low, I'll bring you a fresh cold one." The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Shinovar and one in the Peaks. We made a vow to each other that every Endweek night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Horneaater lagers too, and we're drinking together." The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died." The man said, "Oh, my brothers are fine----I just quit drinking."