Mental health club!

[Through the Living Hope]

57 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Antisemitism Rant

  Reveal hidden contents

I was going to a store, and to get there I had to go through a public transit path in a college campus.

As I was walking, a black female 20 something year old said out loud, « Oh. Un Juif ! » (“Oh. A Jew!”)

I was so tempted to respond, « Oh. Une femme noire ! » (“Oh. A black woman!”)

Instead (somehow corralling my anger), I just went up to her and said, « J’ai compris ce que tu as dit… » (“I understood what you said…”).

I hate these people. Arrrrrgghhh

 

 

[MirkerLurker she/her]

On 4/11/2025 at 10:25 PM, Through The Living Glass said:

Yessir

*puts weapons away*

When and where?

I can be the getaway driver!! And also lookout/extra backup. I like to stand in the background letting people do what they need to themselves, but I'm there in the shadows ready in case it doesn't go well.
Also, I have a car 

 

On 4/11/2025 at 11:51 PM, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

Sports…always have drama unfortunately. Like I swear sports people actually have more drama than theater

I've gotta say, as far as atmosphere/drama level in sports goes, all of my experiences with HEMA groups have been fantastic. My group is incredibly welcoming, dedicated to it being a safe space for everyone, makes sure everyone communicates about comfort level, etc. And the interactions I've had with other groups in the area have also been great.

Martial arts is also usually pretty good, though there's a much wider range of them, so it's not as much a guarantee; but the general mentality that goes with most martial arts lends itself to not standing for petty drama.

 

On 4/11/2025 at 3:33 PM, Mag said:

why do I have to be tired all the time (T--T)

I agreed to hang out with my friends for a few hours after school and I'm trying really hard not to dread it. I love them to absolute bits but doing anything at someone else's house (especially right after school) is so exhausting for me. I'm trying really hard to be a better friend and to show up for them more often because I felt like I was slacking a lot on that .... but it's so hard when the school day has already sapped my energy.

I'm lucky my last class is a work day--I'm tempted not to actually study but just try and do something relaxing in an attempt to recharge. I wish I could lay down somewhere or something and close my eyes.

A little after the fact, but a thought for next time, or in general. Are these friends the kind of relationship where you could go over after school like you said you would and say "hey, I'm really wiped after school, can I nap on your couch/floor?" And if it's not that kind of relationship at the moment, are you close enough with them that you could try?
I had a couple of friends who I could do that with. And honestly, the way the vibe changes in a friend group when the group realizes, as a whole, that being friends doesn't mean "always up for social" or "always upbeat" or "always energetic" is amazing. I could agree to hang out with them, then be empty or wiped out, go over anyway and just go "yeah, I need to disappear under a blanket for a while" and they'd go "sure, do you want hugs first? Do you want to talk about it, or just be left alone for a bit?"
And I could chill for a bit, and hear them in another room hanging out, and sometimes I'd drag a blanket into the room with them and make occasional comments even though I wasn't really paying attention; sometimes I'd just nap; sometimes I'd rest for a bit and then go join in fully, because I was feeling better. Sometimes one of them would say "I'm not really in the mood for talking, you guys go ahead, I'm just gonna chill for a bit" and we'd give hugs and let them be, and we had space but we weren't alone.
And it's really scary to be the one to try and start that. It's vulnerable. But it can really deepen a friendship and give you all a much more stable supportive group.
(Also, sometimes you really actually need alone, and that's fine too - not saying that's not ok. But that a friendship can really benefit from being able to be together without performing for each other.)

 

On 4/13/2025 at 2:25 AM, Bird Furious said:

Mmmmm

I hate me-I hate me so much

 when did I get this way

 why cant I just be the person I have been

 why cant I just

 why

 why

 I was doing so well

 and now I’m snapping all over the place and being absolutely awful

 I chewed out my brother for having fun and doing exactly what he sold be doing at his play just because I was sitting in the car for twenty minutes worrying that he was on the wrong side or I was supposed to go in I should have just taken shoes

i lashed out because I felt humiliated and stupid and it wasn’t fair to him

 I’m probably gonna cry. Which is fine. I’ve already done worse tonight.

twsh

  Hide contents

I reopened a scar of maybe a year+

I don’t know why

It just felt right, so

I kajieurhwing hate myself 

Why did I become such an awful person? When? How do I make it stop? I wish I’d just die tonight. I really do

I don't know if there is proper psychology research behind what I'm about to say, so take it with some salt.

I got through some of that by reframing it.
I looked so much as what I was at the time, all the things I hated about me. Why can't I just be like I was. Why am I so awful. Why did I fail. Why can't I be better.
First off, it's not "just". It's not easy. 
Secondly, I started looking at "who do I want to be" instead. Instead of "I am these terrible things," "why can't I just be better," and "I used to be this better thing," I started asking myself "if i could be anything, have any trait i wanted, what would I want to be like? If i didn't have any of this baggage, if I could just be different, what would I want myself to be like? Who do I actually want to be?"
And it's not like that makes it easy to change. But it's looking forward instead of back. The past will always be the past, and we'll never be there again. It's closed. But the future is always open.
I would look at the traits I wanted (usually the ones I saw in other people, in characters; I couldn't see any in myself that I wanted, but I could see things in other people that I'd go "I wish i could be like that"), and I would go "Ok. What would someone with that trait do next? I screwed up x and y, I messed up here; what would person with that trait do in this scenario?" and then I'd go try that. Because yeah, I hate myself; but also, this isn't who I used to be, and it isn't who I want to be; and so storm it, I'm not going to be this thing I hate. I'm not going to let it win. And any step that I take in that direction is a victory. The most important step a man can take isn't the first one. It's the next. Always the next step.

*hug*

 

On 4/13/2025 at 9:09 AM, #1 Taln Fan said:

Crying is not only fine, but good for you, so don't hesitate to do it.

Making mistakes doesn't make you an awful person in the slightest. If it did, then everyone would be awful. Yes it can feel like it in the moment, but those mistakes don't define you in the slightest.
 

Slight Psychology nerd rant
+ sh

  Hide contents

I actually was learning about this phenomenon yesterday, why habits can be hard to change, or it's hard to move on from a struggle or mindset. There's a theory in Psychology called Self-Verification Theory, which basically says that unconsciously, we'd rather be consistent with our unconscious identity than change, even if that change is for the better. So if we self harm for a while, a part of our brain still identifies as "someone who self harms". And as you progress and go longer without doing that, your unconscious brain gets uncomfortable with being so far from its perceived identity, which leads to a relapse. 
It's frustrating because a lot of that doesn't happen consciously, so it's hard to control. But just remember that your past doesn't define you, whether that past was yesterday or 5 years ago. 

And applied more generally, this theory is why depression can be so hard to get out of. We unconsciously and often consciously self-identify as depressed. And because we do that, it's harder to get out of it because it becomes ingrained in our unconscious identity. 

 

First off, thank you, I don't need to add "crying is good and you should go ahead and do it" and "the mistakes and emotions you feel don't define you", because you already said it.

Secondly, OH MY GOSH IT HAS A NAME!!
YES!
I identified this in myself (without knowing its name) when I finally started working myself through my depression. (If I'd gone to a proper counselor maybe they would've named it for me, but I didn't, so.) I noted pretty early on that I both wanted to change, because I hated who I was and where I was, but also didn't want to change. Because change is unknown, and scary. At least who I am now, I know what to expect; at least the problems I have now, I know what I can and can't do about them; at least I know who I am, even if that's not someone I like. Familiar is comforting, even if dark and pain is what I'm familiar with.
And when i did start changing, I struggled with identity; who am I now? If I'm not part of this group, what am I part of?
I've been doing better with depression the past two years or so than I have for the previous...8 or so. And one of the emotions I still have to work through on a semi-regular basis is a feeling of alienation, alone-ness, and...un-anchored-ness?...because I no longer "belong" to groups like...well, like this one. (which is not true, but that's the emotion)
Joining this group was a big step for me, in embracing that I have changed, and that I can still belong. I'm working to hold both who I was, and who I am now, and integrate them. 
I still every now and then have this wistful longing to self-harm; not from any of the old reasons to do so, but because I want to belong, or because i want the comfort of familiarity. And I shake my finger at my brain and go Nope!" and go do something else instead, like a workout or go outside or do dishes or something active that gets me moving on.

But anyway. It has a name!!

 

On 4/13/2025 at 4:59 PM, Hawks said:

Dya ever feel alien? Because I do slot of times. Especially surrounding death or grief. Sure I'll cry when a character died in a movie show or book. But the second it happens in real life i just.... don't. Don't do anything. Feel anything. The reason this is on my mind is because recently in a city near me, a group of nine kids almost died in a bad car crash. Someone talked abt it in church. And people were crying it was sad bc someone's nephew was in the crash. But all I could do was sit there... the same thing happened a few years ago when my grandpa died. Everyone in my family was hurting and crying and I wasn't. I didn't feel any different then normal. No remorse. Or pain. Just alienated bc I'm not having a normal reaction. I just went about my life as usual. One of my aunts died a few months ago. And while my mom and sister cried, I didn't feel any different. 

Idk... just wanted to tell someone. Maybe some of yall can relate?

Yeah! I spent...a lot of my life believing that deep down I was actually a sociopath of some kind. Because of that kind of thing. And it's not like I never experience grief - there are times when i do! I get moved by a movie or book, I feel empathy and compassion and morals, I sob my eyes out over fictional death...but then someone close to me dies, and I just...don't feel unusual. It's not even a numbness or emptiness - I know what those feel like. I don't feel numb, I feel fine. Completely normal, except for the awkward feeling of seeing everybody around me grieving while I'm not. And I would wonder, if my husband died, if my mom died, would I even care? Would I feel anything? It's so bloody awkward, having everyone give you condolences and I'm sorry-s and offer to be there if you need to talk, and you're thinking "Uh, I'm totally fine...but I feel like if I say that, you're all going to think I'm some kind of monster, and then I'll be even more alienated."
But then I realized, I do react emotionally to death; but I only react emotionally to the moment of death itself. I cried as I held my cat when she died; I cried as my guinea pig died in my arms. And then ten minutes later I was fine. Back to normal. She's already dead, so why would I keep crying? So I don't think I'm actually a murderous sociopath who might someday snap and go on a killing spree. Just someone who reacts to things differently. (Which, I did learn I'm mildly autistic, and not having the "proper" emotional reactions to things is one of the trademarks of that.)

 

On 4/13/2025 at 6:21 PM, Hawks said:

Ok im here again. I wasnt able to sat everything bc it was during church so I'm back. 

So this morning I wake up and go to tell my mom some concerns.  This is how it went.

H (me): hey mom last night I was crazy restless and I felt super ho-

Mom: how much water did you drink

H: I dunno

M: exactly drink water.

After I'm like.wow that's... literally not the first time I've been turned down for a health concern I had. And this time I couldn't even finish my sentence. So I go back. "Mom let me finish what I was saying. I was waay more restless then usual and I felt like me inside was hot." 

She huffs and eventually searches up side effects of my meds. Restlessness was one. She still turns down my overheating issue and says I need water. Eventually after grumbling she does and it's likely from stress or anxiety. 

Then I go

 Hmmm wait this sounds familiar. 

Anytime I have a health concern, I get called dramatic and pushed aside. The effects of one of these situations led me to having a permanently injured knees. Then there is also when I complained abt depression and they said dramatic then I got diagnosed with depression.

*hug*

 

On 4/13/2025 at 6:35 PM, Through The Living Glass said:

the thing is I have no idea if she was being nice or manipulative

I really hope it was the former but some of the stuff she said makes it and everything she's done up to this point makes it seem like the latter and I just don't know

so now i'm in my room crying with my door locked and writing all this and idk anymore

I think i'm just bitter

*hugs back*

*squeezes*

*hug*
It sounds like you have some reasons to feel bitter. Good to acknowledge it and know it's there. Don't let the bitterness drive how you react to things, but go ahead and cry it out. 
*big hug*

 

On 4/13/2025 at 7:54 PM, Dabi said:

It’s weird

This empty hollow feeling

I’ve had it a lot of my life

I don’t know why it hurts so much now

Maybe it’s cause I feel useless? Like I can’t help those I’m supposed to, like I’m just stuck hanging on the edge of a cliff, unable to pull myself up. I did so well for so long. Then I just sank. I stand and stare out my window wondering how things would be different if I had done what I intended years ago. I’m happy but not, I’m sad but not. I just feel like nothing. A hollow empty shell that plans scenario on scenario about every situation and every conversation, and still manages to do it wrong every single time. I’m so tired. I miss sleeping. I miss living normally. I miss being that invincible little kid that couldn’t help but make everyone smile because he had so much light to give. Then I gave it all. And my light feels like it’s went out. So I wear my masks, real and fake, and I put on a face to the world that tells them I’m okay. I’m not. I’m exhausted. I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m constantly fluctuating, but I don’t know how to understand it so instead, I don’t, and I push them all away

 

11 hours ago, Mag said:

LOLLL no that's real

I'm really glad that my city has a free bus system, I can't imagine my parents driving me to my college classes lolll

. . . . and maybe I would go to the books store 

ahem
LIBRARY!!!

 

1 hour ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Everything...

But wait... a bot would never say its a bot cause that would incriminate itself... unless a bot knows that and would say that to make us think its not a bot... except we know that... so maybe the bot says its a bot knowing we know that a bot would know that we know that a bot saying its a bot would incriminate itself and thus clearing itself of suspicion... 

yess logic loop! It knows that we suspect so it says what it wouldn't say because if it says that then we won't suspect except that it knows that we know that it might know that so we still suspect, but it knows we might still suspect so it won't say...
I love that kind of logic loop.
Also, I take forever to play strategy games because I get myself into loops like that. I'm usually pretty good at them if my opponent doesn't mind reading a book in between turns 

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

2 hours ago, Hawks said:

I am a bot xD and I'm in your walls hehehehahahhahahahahah jk

Im under @Dabi's bed tee hee

. . . wait 

wait no

come live under my bed it's much more comfortable i'm sure

and then I can hug you as much as I want

1 hour ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Antisemitism Rant

  Hide contents

I was going to a store, and to get there I had to go through a public transit path in a college campus.

As I was walking, a black female 20 something year old said out loud, « Oh. Un Juif ! » (“Oh. A Jew!”)

I was so tempted to respond, « Oh. Une femme noire ! » (“Oh. A black woman!”)

Instead (somehow corralling my anger), I just went up to her and said, « J’ai compris ce que tu as dit… » (“I understood what you said…”).

I hate these people. Arrrrrgghhh

 

*squeeze*

*sigh*

people -__-

Just now, MirkerLurker said:

I can be the getaway driver!! And also lookout/extra backup. I like to stand in the background letting people do what they need to themselves, but I'm there in the shadows ready in case it doesn't go well.
Also, I have a car 

 

I've gotta say, as far as atmosphere/drama level in sports goes, all of my experiences with HEMA groups have been fantastic. My group is incredibly welcoming, dedicated to it being a safe space for everyone, makes sure everyone communicates about comfort level, etc. And the interactions I've had with other groups in the area have also been great.

Martial arts is also usually pretty good, though there's a much wider range of them, so it's not as much a guarantee; but the general mentality that goes with most martial arts lends itself to not standing for petty drama.

 

A little after the fact, but a thought for next time, or in general. Are these friends the kind of relationship where you could go over after school like you said you would and say "hey, I'm really wiped after school, can I nap on your couch/floor?" And if it's not that kind of relationship at the moment, are you close enough with them that you could try?
I had a couple of friends who I could do that with. And honestly, the way the vibe changes in a friend group when the group realizes, as a whole, that being friends doesn't mean "always up for social" or "always upbeat" or "always energetic" is amazing. I could agree to hang out with them, then be empty or wiped out, go over anyway and just go "yeah, I need to disappear under a blanket for a while" and they'd go "sure, do you want hugs first? Do you want to talk about it, or just be left alone for a bit?"
And I could chill for a bit, and hear them in another room hanging out, and sometimes I'd drag a blanket into the room with them and make occasional comments even though I wasn't really paying attention; sometimes I'd just nap; sometimes I'd rest for a bit and then go join in fully, because I was feeling better. Sometimes one of them would say "I'm not really in the mood for talking, you guys go ahead, I'm just gonna chill for a bit" and we'd give hugs and let them be, and we had space but we weren't alone.
And it's really scary to be the one to try and start that. It's vulnerable. But it can really deepen a friendship and give you all a much more stable supportive group.
(Also, sometimes you really actually need alone, and that's fine too - not saying that's not ok. But that a friendship can really benefit from being able to be together without performing for each other.)

 

I don't know if there is proper psychology research behind what I'm about to say, so take it with some salt.

I got through some of that by reframing it.
I looked so much as what I was at the time, all the things I hated about me. Why can't I just be like I was. Why am I so awful. Why did I fail. Why can't I be better.
First off, it's not "just". It's not easy. 
Secondly, I started looking at "who do I want to be" instead. Instead of "I am these terrible things," "why can't I just be better," and "I used to be this better thing," I started asking myself "if i could be anything, have any trait i wanted, what would I want to be like? If i didn't have any of this baggage, if I could just be different, what would I want myself to be like? Who do I actually want to be?"
And it's not like that makes it easy to change. But it's looking forward instead of back. The past will always be the past, and we'll never be there again. It's closed. But the future is always open.
I would look at the traits I wanted (usually the ones I saw in other people, in characters; I couldn't see any in myself that I wanted, but I could see things in other people that I'd go "I wish i could be like that"), and I would go "Ok. What would someone with that trait do next? I screwed up x and y, I messed up here; what would person with that trait do in this scenario?" and then I'd go try that. Because yeah, I hate myself; but also, this isn't who I used to be, and it isn't who I want to be; and so storm it, I'm not going to be this thing I hate. I'm not going to let it win. And any step that I take in that direction is a victory. The most important step a man can take isn't the first one. It's the next. Always the next step.

*hug*

 

First off, thank you, I don't need to add "crying is good and you should go ahead and do it" and "the mistakes and emotions you feel don't define you", because you already said it.

Secondly, OH MY GOSH IT HAS A NAME!!
YES!
I identified this in myself (without knowing its name) when I finally started working myself through my depression. (If I'd gone to a proper counselor maybe they would've named it for me, but I didn't, so.) I noted pretty early on that I both wanted to change, because I hated who I was and where I was, but also didn't want to change. Because change is unknown, and scary. At least who I am now, I know what to expect; at least the problems I have now, I know what I can and can't do about them; at least I know who I am, even if that's not someone I like. Familiar is comforting, even if dark and pain is what I'm familiar with.
And when i did start changing, I struggled with identity; who am I now? If I'm not part of this group, what am I part of?
I've been doing better with depression the past two years or so than I have for the previous...8 or so. And one of the emotions I still have to work through on a semi-regular basis is a feeling of alienation, alone-ness, and...un-anchored-ness?...because I no longer "belong" to groups like...well, like this one. (which is not true, but that's the emotion)
Joining this group was a big step for me, in embracing that I have changed, and that I can still belong. I'm working to hold both who I was, and who I am now, and integrate them. 
I still every now and then have this wistful longing to self-harm; not from any of the old reasons to do so, but because I want to belong, or because i want the comfort of familiarity. And I shake my finger at my brain and go Nope!" and go do something else instead, like a workout or go outside or do dishes or something active that gets me moving on.

But anyway. It has a name!!

 

Yeah! I spent...a lot of my life believing that deep down I was actually a sociopath of some kind. Because of that kind of thing. And it's not like I never experience grief - there are times when i do! I get moved by a movie or book, I feel empathy and compassion and morals, I sob my eyes out over fictional death...but then someone close to me dies, and I just...don't feel unusual. It's not even a numbness or emptiness - I know what those feel like. I don't feel numb, I feel fine. Completely normal, except for the awkward feeling of seeing everybody around me grieving while I'm not. And I would wonder, if my husband died, if my mom died, would I even care? Would I feel anything? It's so bloody awkward, having everyone give you condolences and I'm sorry-s and offer to be there if you need to talk, and you're thinking "Uh, I'm totally fine...but I feel like if I say that, you're all going to think I'm some kind of monster, and then I'll be even more alienated."
But then I realized, I do react emotionally to death; but I only react emotionally to the moment of death itself. I cried as I held my cat when she died; I cried as my guinea pig died in my arms. And then ten minutes later I was fine. Back to normal. She's already dead, so why would I keep crying? So I don't think I'm actually a murderous sociopath who might someday snap and go on a killing spree. Just someone who reacts to things differently. (Which, I did learn I'm mildly autistic, and not having the "proper" emotional reactions to things is one of the trademarks of that.)

 

*hug*

 

*hug*
It sounds like you have some reasons to feel bitter. Good to acknowledge it and know it's there. Don't let the bitterness drive how you react to things, but go ahead and cry it out. 
*big hug*

 

 

ahem
LIBRARY!!!

 

yess logic loop! It knows that we suspect so it says what it wouldn't say because if it says that then we won't suspect except that it knows that we know that it might know that so we still suspect, but it knows we might still suspect so it won't say...
I love that kind of logic loop.
Also, I take forever to play strategy games because I get myself into loops like that. I'm usually pretty good at them if my opponent doesn't mind reading a book in between turns 

*squeeze*

thanks

How are you doing, Mother?

[MirkerLurker she/her]

2 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

*squeeze*

thanks

How are you doing, Mother?

I'm doing decent. But hugs are always nice. They make sad less sad and happy more happy. *squeeze*
I like coming on here and reading y'all's posts. It reminds me to do my brain laundry too. I'm doing decent, but that's cuz I'm being diligent about doing my brain laundry. Everybody else too - remember to do laundry regularly! Or the laundry frog will visit you and jump on your head.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

Just now, MirkerLurker said:

I'm doing decent. But hugs are always nice. They make sad less sad and happy more happy. *squeeze*
I like coming on here and reading y'all's posts. It reminds me to do my brain laundry too. I'm doing decent, but that's cuz I'm being diligent about doing my brain laundry. Everybody else too - remember to do laundry regularly! Or the laundry frog will visit you and jump on your head.

hehehe

fwog

uhhhh what do you mean by "brain laundry"

 

Edited April 15, 2025 by Through The Living Glass

[MirkerLurker she/her]

Brain laundry! Gotta sort out your thoughts into "lights" and "darks" and then treat them accordingly!

(I think it's from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's an "organizing your thoughts" technique, to learn to recognize which thoughts are helpful and which aren't, and which are truthful and which aren't, that kind of thing.
But also, it's a funny image and a cute frog!)

Edited April 15, 2025 by MirkerLurker

[Keke They/he]

On 4/13/2025 at 7:09 AM, #1 Taln Fan said:

Crying is not only fine, but good for you, so don't hesitate to do it.

Making mistakes doesn't make you an awful person in the slightest. If it did, then everyone would be awful. Yes it can feel like it in the moment, but those mistakes don't define you in the slightest.

 

 

Slight Psychology nerd rant
+ sh

  Reveal hidden contents

I actually was learning about this phenomenon yesterday, why habits can be hard to change, or it's hard to move on from a struggle or mindset. There's a theory in Psychology called Self-Verification Theory, which basically says that unconsciously, we'd rather be consistent with our unconscious identity than change, even if that change is for the better. So if we self harm for a while, a part of our brain still identifies as "someone who self harms". And as you progress and go longer without doing that, your unconscious brain gets uncomfortable with being so far from its perceived identity, which leads to a relapse. 
It's frustrating because a lot of that doesn't happen consciously, so it's hard to control. But just remember that your past doesn't define you, whether that past was yesterday or 5 years ago. 

And applied more generally, this theory is why depression can be so hard to get out of. We unconsciously and often consciously self-identify as depressed. And because we do that, it's harder to get out of it because it becomes ingrained in our unconscious identity. 

 

Ooooh fascinating 

 

5 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Yeah! I spent...a lot of my life believing that deep down I was actually a sociopath of some kind. Because of that kind of thing. And it's not like I never experience grief - there are times when i do! I get moved by a movie or book, I feel empathy and compassion and morals, I sob my eyes out over fictional death...but then someone close to me dies, and I just...don't feel unusual. It's not even a numbness or emptiness - I know what those feel like. I don't feel numb, I feel fine. Completely normal, except for the awkward feeling of seeing everybody around me grieving while I'm not. And I would wonder, if my husband died, if my mom died, would I even care? Would I feel anything

Yeysyeysyeysyeysy it's like I'm not affected. And I am by fictional characers somehow? And I ask myself that all the time. (Minus the husband part obv)

 

6 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

It's so bloody awkward, having everyone give you condolences and I'm sorry-s and offer to be there if you need to talk, and you're thinking "Uh, I'm totally fine...but I feel like if I say that, you're all going to think I'm some kind of monster, and then I'll be even more alienated."

Yesssssssss omggggg im glad im not alone in this

 

7 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

But then I realized, I do react emotionally to death; but I only react emotionally to the moment of death itself. I cried as I held my cat when she died; I cried as my guinea pig died in my arms. And then ten minutes later I was fine. Back to normal. She's already dead, so why would I keep crying?

Uh there's where we separate. Bc I'll be like. Oh he died. Wel... nothing I can do about it now.

Maybe it's because of my strange view on the concept of death. I don't see how you *mourn* a death. . I learned this from a friend actually. When her dad died. Instead of having a funeral. They had a celebration. Not of his death but of the life he lived. Don't be sad their gone remember the times you had. Cherish the memories and dont stain them with tears. It's ok to be side but I see it more as a time to remember the happy. 

Does that make sense at all?

11 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Which, I did learn I'm mildly autistic, and not having the "proper" emotional reactions to things is one of the trademarks of that.)

Oooh there's my answer. 

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

8 hours ago, Hawks said:

Hey yall i just found out. I dont exist. Hehehahaheahhah !!!!

Now you have the ultimate stealth attack: untraceable!

In all seriousness though, *hugs*

2 hours ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

I heard about that. You can come to Canada. We're chill with 2SLGBTQIA+

(BTW, If you're wondering, the 2S stands for Two-Spirited. It is bisexual, but for the First Nations. They've had it for hundreds of years. The Anishinaabe who live in my region of Canada call it Niizh manidoowag (ᓂᐄᐊᣞ ᒪᓂᑐᐆᐗᐊᐠ). This means two-spirited beings. They often had spiritual responsibilities, such as healing, naming ceremonies, and storytelling. They could marry people of any gender.)

How long will Canada actually take us? I mean I feel like at some point Canada (or anyone really) would be like “sorry but no don’t bring your utter crazy culture here”

Nothing against Canada, just they’re so close I feel like that’s where everyone’ll go

2 hours ago, Hoid Slayer said:

Everything...

But wait... a bot would never say its a bot cause that would incriminate itself... unless a bot knows that and would say that to make us think its not a bot... except we know that... so maybe the bot says its a bot knowing we know that a bot would know that we know that a bot saying its a bot would incriminate itself and thus clearing itself of suspicion... 

What you do not smell is called iocane powder. (Please tell me you got that; apparently I can’t take that for granted anymore)

1 hour ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Antisemitism Rant

  Hide contents

I was going to a store, and to get there I had to go through a public transit path in a college campus.

As I was walking, a black female 20 something year old said out loud, « Oh. Un Juif ! » (“Oh. A Jew!”)

I was so tempted to respond, « Oh. Une femme noire ! » (“Oh. A black woman!”)

Instead (somehow corralling my anger), I just went up to her and said, « J’ai compris ce que tu as dit… » (“I understood what you said…”).

I hate these people. Arrrrrgghhh

 

Jeez

*hugs(

I would not have been so nice, hats off to you for restraint

8 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

I've gotta say, as far as atmosphere/drama level in sports goes, all of my experiences with HEMA groups have been fantastic. My group is incredibly welcoming, dedicated to it being a safe space for everyone, makes sure everyone communicates about comfort level, etc. And the interactions I've had with other groups in the area have also been great.

Martial arts is also usually pretty good, though there's a much wider range of them, so it's not as much a guarantee; but the general mentality that goes with most martial arts lends itself to not standing for petty drama. 

That’s true, though I’d say martial artists have their own drama…in that we have a tendency to really aggressively (but in fun) trash talk each other and randomly spar (before the sensei yells at us to stop (or to stop cuddling. Long story)), so there’s still an element of drama, but in the fun sense

4 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

I'm doing decent. But hugs are always nice. They make sad less sad and happy more happy. *squeeze*
I like coming on here and reading y'all's posts. It reminds me to do my brain laundry too. I'm doing decent, but that's cuz I'm being diligent about doing my brain laundry. Everybody else too - remember to do laundry regularly! Or the laundry frog will visit you and jump on your head.

*hugs*

Oh man…my brain laundry is about as clean as that of a typical 14-year-old boy…  

[Keke They/he]

13 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

. . wait 

wait no

come live under my bed it's much more comfortable i'm sure

and then I can hug you as much as I want

Aaah. @Dabi I'm moving to your gfs bed for now bc its suplosedly more comfortable. Thanks for the stay and all the yummy candy i stole. 

*spawns under @Through The Living Glass bed*

7 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

I'm doing decent. But hugs are always nice. They make sad less sad and happy more happy. *squeeze*
I like coming on here and reading y'all's posts. It reminds me to do my brain laundry too. I'm doing decent, but that's cuz I'm being diligent about doing my brain laundry. Everybody else too - remember to do laundry regularly! Or the laundry frog will visit you and jump on your head.

 

4 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Brain laundry! Gotta sort out your thoughts into "lights" and "darks" and then treat them accordingly!

 BRAIN LAUNDERY! I DO THIS BY PACING AND LISRENJNG TO DEPRESSING/NOSTOGIC/THOUGHT,MEMEORY INDUCING MUSIC!!!!

Edited April 15, 2025 by Hawks

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

6 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Brain laundry! Gotta sort out your thoughts into "lights" and "darks" and then treat them accordingly!

(I think it's from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's an "organizing your thoughts" technique, to learn to recognize which thoughts are helpful and which aren't, and which are truthful and which aren't, that kind of thing.
But also, it's a funny image and a cute frog!)

ohhhhh

Cool 

3 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Aaah. @Dabi I'm moving to your gfs bed for now bc its suplosedly more comfortable. Thanks for the stay and all the yummy candy i stole. 

*spawns under @Through The Living Glass bed*

 

 BRAIN LAUNDERY! I DO THIS BY PACING AND LISRENJNG TO DEPRESSING/NOSTOGIC/THOUGHT,MEMEORY INDUCING MUSIC!!!!

YAY!!

*cuddles*

uhhhhhh watch out for the wolf spiders. They like to lay eggs under there . . .

Edited April 15, 2025 by Through The Living Glass

[Keke They/he]

Just now, Through The Living Glass said:

ohhhhh

Cool 

YAY!!

*cuddles*

uhhhhhh watch out for the wolf spiders. They like to lay eggs under there . . .

AW HELL NAW *teleports you and me to @Dabi's bed* safe from the little nine legged demons.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

Just now, Hawks said:

AW HELL NAW *teleports you and me to @Dabi's bed* safe from the little nine legged demons.

. . .

NINE??

NO NO THEY'RE NICE

They have their spaces, and I have mine.

. . .

mostly because I can't reach their spaces SO IF THEY INTRUDE IN MY SPACE THEY'RE DEAD

Anyway you don't have to worry about them 

[Keke They/he]

Just now, Through The Living Glass said:

. . .

NINE??

NO NO THEY'RE NICE

They have their spaces, and I have mine.

. . .

mostly because I can't reach their spaces SO IF THEY INTRUDE IN MY SPACE THEY'RE DEAD

Anyway you don't have to worry about them 

I have arachnophobia!! And I will screeeaaaam anytime I see a spider of any size. So we will stay here with @Dabi also you two can spend time together while I eat candy under the bed.

[MirkerLurker she/her]

1 minute ago, Hawks said:

Uh there's where we separate. Bc I'll be like. Oh he died. Wel... nothing I can do about it now.

Maybe it's because of my strange view on the concept of death. I don't see how you *mourn* a death. . I learned this from a friend actually. When her dad died. Instead of having a funeral. They had a celebration. Not of his death but of the life he lived. Don't be sad their gone remember the times you had. Cherish the memories and dont stain them with tears. It's ok to be side but I see it more as a time to remember the happy. 

Does that make sense at all?

Oooh there's my answer. 

Yep, we don't line up identically, but there's a large overlap. And it's the "while they're dying" part - the part where I feel like should be able to do something, but can't.

Yeah, I like the idea of death celebrations! Drat, I forget which culture typically handled deaths that way...there's precedent, I'm just too lazy to go look it up right now lol

Totally makes sense. 

3 minutes ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

That’s true, though I’d say martial artists have their own drama…in that we have a tendency to really aggressively (but in fun) trash talk each other and randomly spar (before the sensei yells at us to stop (or to stop cuddling. Long story)), so there’s still an element of drama, but in the fun sense

*hugs*

Oh man…my brain laundry is about as clean as that of a typical 14-year-old boy…  

Oh, that's true. I wasn't thinking of that as "drama" in the same way, because it's a good kind. It's a community building kind, not a community destroying kind.
Also. Yes. Fun trash talk, random sparring, and random aggressive cuddling are some of the best parts of martial arts.  ...Along with all the other parts. Like the being able to defend yourself, and exercise, and knowing all the ways to gruesomely break the human body, and...

 

1 minute ago, Through The Living Glass said:

ohhhhh

Cool 

YAY!!

*cuddles*

uhhhhhh watch out for the wolf spiders. They like to lay eggs under there . . .

Wolf spiders! I'll take the wolf spiders for you!
Oh you have a truce...fiiiine you can keep your spiders.
The only rule I have for my spiders is that they may not drop down on my head. Other than that, we cool. They got their space, I got mine. And I will dump flies and ants onto their webs if I smack any.

[Keke They/he]

1 minute ago, MirkerLurker said:

Yep, we don't line up identically, but there's a large overlap. And it's the "while they're dying" part - the part where I feel like should be able to do something, but can't.

Yeah, I like the idea of death celebrations! Drat, I forget which culture typically handled deaths that way...there's precedent, I'm just too lazy to go look it up right now lol

Totally makes sense. 

Oh, that's true. I wasn't thinking of that as "drama" in the same way, because it's a good kind. It's a community building kind, not a community destroying kind.
Also. Yes. Fun trash talk, random sparring, and random aggressive cuddling are some of the best parts of martial arts.  ...Along with all the other parts. Like the being able to defend yourself, and exercise, and knowing all the ways to gruesomely break the human body, and...

 

Wolf spiders! I'll take the wolf spiders for you!
Oh you have a truce...fiiiine you can keep your spiders.
The only rule I have for my spiders is that they may not drop down on my head. Other than that, we cool. They got their space, I got mine. And I will dump flies and ants onto their webs if I smack any.

Yay!

 

*fear* you... spiders...

[Shatter He/Him]

I have a spider that I named John in my room. He pays rent by eating the mosquitoes in my room in the summer.

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

12 minutes ago, Hawks said:

I have arachnophobia!! And I will screeeaaaam anytime I see a spider of any size. So we will stay here with @Dabi also you two can spend time together while I eat candy under the bed.

. . . unfortunate

10 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Yep, we don't line up identically, but there's a large overlap. And it's the "while they're dying" part - the part where I feel like should be able to do something, but can't.

Yeah, I like the idea of death celebrations! Drat, I forget which culture typically handled deaths that way...there's precedent, I'm just too lazy to go look it up right now lol

Totally makes sense. 

Oh, that's true. I wasn't thinking of that as "drama" in the same way, because it's a good kind. It's a community building kind, not a community destroying kind.
Also. Yes. Fun trash talk, random sparring, and random aggressive cuddling are some of the best parts of martial arts.  ...Along with all the other parts. Like the being able to defend yourself, and exercise, and knowing all the ways to gruesomely break the human body, and...

 

Wolf spiders! I'll take the wolf spiders for you!
Oh you have a truce...fiiiine you can keep your spiders.
The only rule I have for my spiders is that they may not drop down on my head. Other than that, we cool. They got their space, I got mine. And I will dump flies and ants onto their webs if I smack any.

hehehe yeah we have a truce as long as they stay out of my sight they can live and I won't call pest control 'CUS THERE'S A LOT GOODNESS-

1 minute ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

I have a spider that I named John in my room. He pays rent by eating the mosquitoes in my room in the summer.

YEAH SEE HAWKS?? THEY'RE NOT ALL BAD :D:D

hehe

 

blech

they make the grossest wet-crunch noise when I squish them they're like an inch-and-a-half to two inches :PP

[Keke They/he]

2 minutes ago, Through The Living Glass said:

. . . unfortunate

hehehe yeah we have a truce as long as they stay out of my sight they can live and I won't call pest control 'CUS THERE'S A LOT GOODNESS-

YEAH SEE HAWKS?? THEY'RE NOT ALL BAD :D:D

hehe

 

blech

they make the grossest wet-crunch noise when I squish them they're like an inch-and-a-half to two inches :PP

Yeah until they crawl into your ears and bite your brain. Or they crawl in your mouth and lay eggs and then you have a spider infestations and you wake up one day barfing spiders and you need to go to the hospital due to many spider bites and an infection in your lungs. .........

I have a horrible imagination. 

This is why I don't even look at pictures of insects

[MirkerLurker she/her]

7 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Yay!

 

*fear* you... spiders...

Dontcha love how we can be like "oh look, death" and be completely unphased, but then a phobia comes along and we're like ALDSKJFSLDFI NOOO
For me it's needles.
Not gore or blood or slicing - dissections are fascinating, I have a strong stomach - but needles? nope. I'm out. Skeeves me out to no end. I would've loved to go into a medical field, except...needles are everywhere in all of those.

2 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

I have a spider that I named John in my room. He pays rent by eating the mosquitoes in my room in the summer.

That's amazing.
I had a jumping spider living in my mailbox last summer. He occasionally came out to say hello. I called him Lucas. He eventually moved on to a new home, and I was sad.

21 minutes ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

What you do not smell is called iocane powder. (Please tell me you got that; apparently I can’t take that for granted anymore)

 

Oh man…my brain laundry is about as clean as that of a typical 14-year-old boy…  

Wait I missed responding to these!

Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!

And hey now. I said lights and darks. I said nothing about sketchy or dirty innuendo type thoughts. Those are an entirely separate category, and if I have to start sorting those I suddenly have a LOT more work to do...
Oh my gosh tho. I was talking to Skye earlier, and I made a comment about how my brain knows lots of things and fancy words but refuses to actually remember them in conversation when I want to use them - except innuendos. That's the only thing my brain can come up with in realtime.
And then later on in the conversation, I said something with a double meaning, realized it, tried to clarify, made it worse, said something else and made it even more sketchy, and just about died laughing, because I had just proven my earlier point completely by accident.
Seriously. My sense of humor is that of a 16-yr-old boy. I spend so much time saying nothing, because the only things that jump to mind are NOT appropriate for general conversation 

[Keke They/he]

Just now, MirkerLurker said:

My sense of humor is that of a 16-yr-old boy. I spend so much time saying nothing, because the only things that jump to mind are NOT appropriate for general conversation 

....

@Dabi remember last night? On the what do you meme

1 minute ago, MirkerLurker said:

Dontcha love how we can be like "oh look, death" and be completely unphased, but then a phobia comes along and we're like ALDSKJFSLDFI NOOO
For me it's needles.
Not gore or blood or slicing - dissections are fascinating, I have a strong stomach - but needles? nope. I'm out. Skeeves me out to no end. I would've loved to go into a medical field, except...needles

Yess. I will stare a knife kn the eyes then the second someone other then me lifts it i hightail out of there

[Shatter He/Him]

On 4/13/2025 at 2:25 AM, Bird Furious said:

Mmmmm

I hate me-I hate me so much

 when did I get this way

 why cant I just be the person I have been

 why cant I just

 why

 why

 I was doing so well

 and now I’m snapping all over the place and being absolutely awful

 I chewed out my brother for having fun and doing exactly what he sold be doing at his play just because I was sitting in the car for twenty minutes worrying that he was on the wrong side or I was supposed to go in I should have just taken shoes

i lashed out because I felt humiliated and stupid and it wasn’t fair to him

 I’m probably gonna cry. Which is fine. I’ve already done worse tonight.

twsh

  Reveal hidden contents

I reopened a scar of maybe a year+

I don’t know why

It just felt right, so

I kajieurhwing hate myself 

Why did I become such an awful person? When? How do I make it stop? I wish I’d just die tonight. I really do

Haly... You aren't a horrible person. I have days when I'm like, “Don't come near me, or I WILL yell at you. Don't touch me or you WILL get slapped. Stay away.” I'm sorry I wasn't on the Shard to give you hugs at the time, but here you go

*hugs*

On 4/13/2025 at 4:59 PM, Hawks said:

Dya ever feel alien? Because I do slot of times. Especially surrounding death or grief. Sure I'll cry when a character died in a movie show or book. But the second it happens in real life i just.... don't. Don't do anything. Feel anything. The reason this is on my mind is because recently in a city near me, a group of nine kids almost died in a bad car crash. Someone talked abt it in church. And people were crying it was sad bc someone's nephew was in the crash. But all I could do was sit there... the same thing happened a few years ago when my grandpa died. Everyone in my family was hurting and crying and I wasn't. I didn't feel any different then normal. No remorse. Or pain. Just alienated bc I'm not having a normal reaction. I just went about my life as usual. One of my aunts died a few months ago. And while my mom and sister cried, I didn't feel any different. 

Idk... just wanted to tell someone. Maybe some of yall can relate?

On 4/13/2025 at 6:35 PM, Hoid Slayer said:

*hugs*

I can relate. Sorta. When my grandma died, I felt the same. I cried more over my dog than her.

My mom tells me I need to think about other people. She thinks I just live my life only thinking about myself, never caring about others. That’s not true. I just don’t… feel the same as them.

Right now, I’m on break, and my family travelled to Peru to visit family and our friends from our old school. And my sister, who’s the same age as me, immediately rushes to meet up with all her close friends that she’s kept in touch with and spends the whole time with them. Meanwhile me… I don’t really want to see my old friends. We were kinda close, I guess. But I just… don’t  feel like I have to see them. Like as soon as we moved away, I cut ties with them. Cause I never felt that close to them in the first place.

In times like these, it’s easy to feel like an alien. Because what seems effortless to everyone else is a chore to us. A façade we can never let down.

*hugs*

If I told my parents I feel depressed, or really any of the stuff I say on this thread, they would just freak out and try to get me to open up to them instead of realizing I’m hiding stuff from them for a reason. And then my mom would get mad cause I’m rejecting her help, and it would be turned on me.

*hugs too*

I can relate. When my previous cat, Rosalea died, I couldn't cry. I couldn't feel. I rarely show emotion. I hurt, yet I seem normal. It hurts so bad but it just...

A picture of her the day before she died:

Quote

 

On 4/13/2025 at 6:29 PM, Through The Living Glass said:

my mom gave me a hug today

it was weird

idk why she suddenly cares about my feelings

maybe it was 'cus I was openly crying

maybe it was 'cus I was openly crying about something having to do with college

she told me it's perfectly fine if I don't want to leave for college and that I can always just stay here

because of course she doesn't want me to leave-

i'm not even allowed outside

why does everything she does feel so manipulative

I just want a hug without the talking

I just want a mother who lets me get a job or lets my get my licence instead of telling me no

I just want a normal mom

I want to get out of here but i'm so unprepared

idk what to do

haha mine does the same thing

well did

I don't try to tell her about it anymore

*hugs*

yeah it's garbage

I'm sorry

On 4/13/2025 at 6:35 PM, Through The Living Glass said:

the thing is I have no idea if she was being nice or manipulative

I really hope it was the former but some of the stuff she said makes it and everything she's done up to this point makes it seem like the latter and I just don't know

so now i'm in my room crying with my door locked and writing all this and idk anymore

I think i'm just bitter

*hugs back*

*squeezes*

My mother just doesn't understand me. She loves me and gives me hugs but they feel meaningless.

Here's a hug that's full of love

*hugs*

36 minutes ago, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

What you do not smell is called iocane powder. (Please tell me you got that; apparently I can’t take that for granted anymore)

5 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!

"INCONCIEVABLE!"

also

Edited April 15, 2025 by The Shattered Cosmere

[Keke They/he]

2 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

can relate. When my previous cat, Rosalea died, I couldn't cry. I couldn't feel. I rarely show emotion. I hurt, yet I seem normal. It hurts so bad but it just...

A picture of her the day before she died:

She's adorable 

 

2 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

INCONCIEVABLE!"

also

HAHEHSHAHHWORPDIXBSKWPWO *dies of laughter*

[Through The Living Glass She/They]

15 minutes ago, Hawks said:

Yeah until they crawl into your ears and bite your brain. Or they crawl in your mouth and lay eggs and then you have a spider infestations and you wake up one day barfing spiders and you need to go to the hospital due to many spider bites and an infection in your lungs. .........

I have a horrible imagination. 

This is why I don't even look at pictures of insects

huh

Well no- 

well okay 

*hug*

10 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Dontcha love how we can be like "oh look, death" and be completely unphased, but then a phobia comes along and we're like ALDSKJFSLDFI NOOO
For me it's needles.
Not gore or blood or slicing - dissections are fascinating, I have a strong stomach - but needles? nope. I'm out. Skeeves me out to no end. I would've loved to go into a medical field, except...needles are everywhere in all of those.

That's amazing.
I had a jumping spider living in my mailbox last summer. He occasionally came out to say hello. I called him Lucas. He eventually moved on to a new home, and I was sad.

Wait I missed responding to these!

Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!

And hey now. I said lights and darks. I said nothing about sketchy or dirty innuendo type thoughts. Those are an entirely separate category, and if I have to start sorting those I suddenly have a LOT more work to do...
Oh my gosh tho. I was talking to Skye earlier, and I made a comment about how my brain knows lots of things and fancy words but refuses to actually remember them in conversation when I want to use them - except innuendos. That's the only thing my brain can come up with in realtime.
And then later on in the conversation, I said something with a double meaning, realized it, tried to clarify, made it worse, said something else and made it even more sketchy, and just about died laughing, because I had just proven my earlier point completely by accident.
Seriously. My sense of humor is that of a 16-yr-old boy. I spend so much time saying nothing, because the only things that jump to mind are NOT appropriate for general conversation 

 

4 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

Haly... You aren't a horrible person. I have days when I'm like, “Don't come near me, or I WILL yell at you. Don't touch me or you WILL get slapped. Stay away.” I'm sorry I wasn't on the Shard to give you hugs at the time, but here you go

*hugs*

I can relate. When my previous cat, Rosalea died, I couldn't cry. I couldn't feel. I rarely show emotion. I hurt, yet I seem normal. It hurts so bad but it just...

A picture of her the day before she died:

 

My mother just doesn't understand me. She loves me and gives me hugs but they feel meaningless.

Here's a hug that's full of love

*hugs*

"INCONCIEVABLE!"

also

*squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezes*

*so many many squeeze*

*all the squeezes*

[Kansas Stormcursed he/him]

10 minutes ago, MirkerLurker said:

Dontcha love how we can be like "oh look, death" and be completely unphased, but then a phobia comes along and we're like ALDSKJFSLDFI NOOO
For me it's needles.
Not gore or blood or slicing - dissections are fascinating, I have a strong stomach - but needles? nope. I'm out. Skeeves me out to no end. I would've loved to go into a medical field, except...needles are everywhere in all of those.

That's amazing.
I had a jumping spider living in my mailbox last summer. He occasionally came out to say hello. I called him Lucas. He eventually moved on to a new home, and I was sad.

Wait I missed responding to these!

Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!

And hey now. I said lights and darks. I said nothing about sketchy or dirty innuendo type thoughts. Those are an entirely separate category, and if I have to start sorting those I suddenly have a LOT more work to do...
Oh my gosh tho. I was talking to Skye earlier, and I made a comment about how my brain knows lots of things and fancy words but refuses to actually remember them in conversation when I want to use them - except innuendos. That's the only thing my brain can come up with in realtime.
And then later on in the conversation, I said something with a double meaning, realized it, tried to clarify, made it worse, said something else and made it even more sketchy, and just about died laughing, because I had just proven my earlier point completely by accident.
Seriously. My sense of humor is that of a 16-yr-old boy. I spend so much time saying nothing, because the only things that jump to mind are NOT appropriate for general conversation 

I’ve done that so many times, and I’ve accidentally (I swear it was accidentally!) corrupted friends to my level to the point where they catch things I said that I didn’t even realize.

5 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

"INCONCIEVABLE!"

also

That’s awesome

[MirkerLurker she/her]

6 minutes ago, The Shattered Cosmere said:

"INCONCIEVABLE!"

also

I love that meme 

(Sorry for double post, but I can't get the new quote to appear in the edit?? sorries)

Just now, Kaladin Stormcursed said:

I’ve done that so many times, and I’ve accidentally (I swear it was accidentally!) corrupted friends to my level to the point where they catch things I said that I didn’t even realize.

oh man. Yes. I feel slightly bad about my corrupting influence.
But only slightly bad, because it's also hilarious when you and your friends know each other well enough that you don't even have to say anything out loud, you just hear someone say something, give each other "the look" and then burst out laughing.