10/28/24-ginger_reckoning-"a song for silence" 3213 words, V, L

[ginger_reckoning]

Hey all! Thanks again for reading. I don't think I'll be posting for most of november, so this might be the last one for a little while. Main tags for this one is a main character who is in a lot of pain. 

Anyway, thank again, and happy nanowrimo for those who celebrate!

 

[Mandamon he/him]

I thought this section had some better character moments for A. It's starting to become a lot more her story now, where I was unsure before between her, silence, and L. I'm still a little unsure on what silence's status is. I thought L destroyed all the rest?

Notes while reading:

pg 4: So A has met the exes before then?

pg 6: 2 pages on who's going to get the door might be too much.

pg 9: There's a lot going on here with people and places we haven't seen. Why are they sending L back to hell?

pg 10: I got a little confused in here and had to look back on why they actually invited L. I thought she destroyed all the other bodies of silence before now? Are there more out there?

[Appol PhD they/he]

Good luck in Nanowrimo!

Overall: It’s good to see A taking some initiative here, and I think what I need is a greater sense of stakes/urgency. We don’t know that S is going to be a threat anytime soon (it can be years in between S striking cities right?), we don’t really know what the stakes are if L refuses the invitation, and honestly even the two days the messenger gives them is a lot of time for them to waffle so the discussions don’t feel particularly urgent either. I enjoy the tone and wit here, but I have a bit less patience for it distracting from the plot when it’s not being used for the strong and meaningful worldbuilding/social commentary of the cities.

As I go:

Pg 1-2. This does a good job at showing consequences for A’s actions, and hinting at the emotional consequences of L deciding not to destroy S, but it feels like what we’re missing is the hook for the next plot beat.

Pg 3-4. L’s exes are entertaining enough but it doesn’t feel like their interactions with A are pushing the plot along.

Pg 8. It’s good to get the hint for the next plot beat yet, but it doesn’t feel like a full hook. There aren’t a lot of immediate stakes, and iirc neither L nor A have a personal connection to this city.

Pg 9-10. The bickering is entertaining but again it doesn’t feel like it’s moving the story along. I like the atmosphere of this crowded, loud debate but seeing it all in action makes the pacing feel slow

Pg 14. I feel like there’s something important here about A finding meaning with the struggle when the real solution isn’t a struggle at all—L just has to decide to destroy S. Curious to see if the story will build on that.

[ginger_reckoning]

On 10/29/2024 at 10:37 AM, Mandamon said:

pg 10: I got a little confused in here and had to look back on why they actually invited L. I thought she destroyed all the other bodies of silence before now? Are there more out there?

On 10/29/2024 at 1:38 PM, Ace of Hearts said:

We don’t know that S is going to be a threat anytime soon (it can be years in between S striking cities right?), we don’t really know what the stakes are if L refuses the invitation, and honestly even the two days the messenger gives them is a lot of time for them to waffle so the discussions don’t feel particularly urgent either.

I think this lack of stakes is definitely slowing things down here. I think I also need to make it more clear that she didn't actually succeed in her goal of destroying them all, she just destroyed their connective tissue, making them all into individuals. I think if I can establish S as a bigger threat through this section it will make it move along better and make the decisions of the characters make more sense. 

On 10/29/2024 at 1:38 PM, Ace of Hearts said:

Pg 14. I feel like there’s something important here about A finding meaning with the struggle when the real solution isn’t a struggle at all—L just has to decide to destroy S. Curious to see if the story will build on that.

Haha, let's just say that things don't go well for L when A finds out

Thanks for the critiques, and see you on the other side of NaNoWriMo!

[Silk she/her]

P3 I lol’ed at the comment about “her second favourite atom.” It does indicate there’s a bit more of a scientific bent to the world than we’ve seen so far though.

My mind is starting to wander a bit as they argue about who should answer the door. I don’t quite get the dread they all seem to have about it… or why, if they don’t want to answer the door so badly, they don’t just decide to ignore it and let the person at the door leave a pamphlet or whatever.

P7 I guess it’s not a super confidential letter, since the messenger so cheerfully agreed to summarize what it said?

Overall: I’m enjoying some of the character stuff here, but like the others I’m also uncertain about where the story goes next. We’re being told S is still a threat, but L still has S prisoner? Is she just choosing not to do anything about that? Is she going to tell A this? Etc. How real is this threat about sending L back to hell, and how does it tie into what has so far been the main story about defeating/destroying S?

[ginger_reckoning]

On 12/5/2024 at 2:25 PM, Silk said:

We’re being told S is still a threat, but L still has S prisoner? Is she just choosing not to do anything about that?

I think that's one of the main recurring things people have brought up so far that I need to make more clear. Basically, most of the S's got away, including the dragon, so they are still out there. But yeah, it's pretty confusing. Thanks for the critiques!