10/21/24-ginger_reckoning-a song for silence-sub 6- l,v,g- 4346 words

[ginger_reckoning]

Hey all! Tags this time for violence, language, (I think sexual references too?) and gore, including a potentially disturbing description of someone with no bones

 

nothing super specific for this one. Just wonder how the characters come across and if it feels like the plot is slowing down too much. 

Thank you all again so much!

[Appol PhD they/he]

Excited to dig in!

Overall: I was engaged through most of this, and I continue to like L’s narration and her interactions with other characters. I continue to want a bit more about L’s motivations in all of this, and on a plot level my biggest hangup is that it’s not clear to me how the story is carrying its momentum forward. We know that A’s curse is worse now and is more deeply rooted in her than previously thought, but I’m not sure how that affects her goals and plans, along with L’s. As a result, the pacing feels a bit slow, though I think it might be a clarity issue rather than the events happening too slowly.

As I go:

Pg 1-2. I like the characterization of L’s concern for A, though I’m still not quite sure why L cares for her so much given that A is one of many suffering people she could have chosen to take in.

Pg 3. I like L’s conflict but the way she’s able to get out of it with a spell that wasn’t set up before deflates the tension a bit.

Pg 4-6. I like the emotion here, though the fact that it’s a dream sequence means the momentum of the story stalls a bit here. Partially because I don’t know how much of this is real.

Pg 7-8. Is this a dream memory or something new for A? I do like the casual body horror here—fits well with the overall tone of the book.

Pg 9. Did we know that S has been around for four billion years? That contextualizes its actions in a different light.

Pg 10. L’s interpersonal stuff is keeping my attention the most. I think it has to do with her having the power to dictate most of what happens with A and S, so her decision making is currently the crux of the narrative.

Pg 13. Getting all four introductions with four people feels like too much, especially when the other three don’t really feel necessary for these emotional beats, though I do like the impression of L feeling outnumbered here

[Mandamon he/him]

There was some good characterization for A in the first half, but yes, I agree it's slowing a bit. The original statement about the book was S destroying the city, except that's happened now, so I'm not really sure what the rest of the book is about. Is it about curing A's curse?

I like the introduction of the exes, but some of the wording makes it seem like they've been in the story before now when I don't think they have?

Notes while reading:

pg 1: I thought she said she already fought through the palace, last chapter?

pg 3: I don't know why she can't handle the curse when she just did all that to silence. I'm also not sure why the guards wouldn't recognize she just neutralized the person destroying the city?

pg 5-9: some good backstory through here. It might be good to move this earlier in the story so we get a better understanding of A.

pg 10 "since they also cared for the girl"
--had they ever met her?

pg 13: We haven't met these four before, right?

pg 13: "canonically transgender"
--I'm...not sure what this means?
 

[ginger_reckoning]

On 10/23/2024 at 8:52 AM, Ace of Hearts said:

As a result, the pacing feels a bit slow, though I think it might be a clarity issue rather than the events happening too slowly.

That's good to know. I think clarity is overall one of my weak points that I need to work on. 

 

On 10/23/2024 at 8:52 AM, Ace of Hearts said:

Pg 9. Did we know that S has been around for four billion years? That contextualizes its actions in a different light.

It does, and I might actually cut this part to have it be a reveal later on. 

 

On 10/23/2024 at 8:52 AM, Ace of Hearts said:

g 13. Getting all four introductions with four people feels like too much, especially when the other three don’t really feel necessary for these emotional beats, though I do like the impression of L feeling outnumbered here

good to know

 

On 10/29/2024 at 10:23 AM, Mandamon said:

pg 5-9: some good backstory through here. It might be good to move this earlier in the story so we get a better understanding of A.

That's a good point. I'm thinking I may actually move a shorter version of this interlude into chapter one, in order to give more backstory at the beginning. 

On 10/29/2024 at 10:23 AM, Mandamon said:

pg 13: "canonically transgender"
--I'm...not sure what this means?

Lol, this is kind of the internet's chosen language for like "is X anime character canonically trans?" and I think it's a funny way to phrase it

[Silk she/her]

I’m sympathetic to A’s plight and L’s worry for her, but I’m not really sure how worried I should be. In a previous chapter A referenced that she would pay for the power she was using later, but there wasn’t much more info than that.  Is this a life-threatening situation, or is it more of a “this, too, shall pass?”

P4 “For now, L was alive” so she’s lucid dreaming, then?

P6 “When she opened her eyes” at first, I thought this meant the dream was over, I was confused when that turned out not to be the case.

Also, this seems to be referring back to what we saw in the very first chapters before S attacked, when A was supposed to be getting ready to perform for someone. It could be WRS, but that thread seems to have been completely dropped in the meantime.

P7 “A wet slurping noise filled the air. Her skeleton…” ewwww.

I’m… not quite certain how this dream scene is supposed to make me feel? For one thing, the demons, the talking skeleton, etc, seem quite new compared to anything that’s come before. But mostly, it’s presented in a way that’s actually quite funny, but I think I’m supposed to be horrified/afraid for A because of this threat. “Both” is definitely possible, but tough to pull off—I think I’m lacking a sense of how seriously to take the threat behind the semi-humorous presentation of the scene.

I do love the scene ending on “confidently out of tune,” though.

P10 “No, not venomous; you just couldn’t…” LOL. I made the opposite joke in one of my stories once!

Wait, have we met the exes before? I thought L was going to be dropping in on them unexpected, but it sounds like they’ve all discussed this?

Edit: It’s me from the future (p14 or so) and definitely getting mixed signals about how long it’s been since L has seen these people.

I’m a bit lost in the stuff about true magic, souls, curses, etc. Some of it may be WRS, but this is another area where I feel I don’t have enough information to appreciate the stakes.

P13 “…you have my official permission.” Really curious about what’s going on with the narration. This is definitely setting an expectation for me that  the oddities of the narration will somehow tie into the rest of the story, rather than just being there to be funny.

 This conversation between L and V is the first indication that “breaking A’s curse” as opposed to just living with it is a thread we might be pursuing.

Overall: I was most engaged through the last section where L visits her exes. I thought the humorous narration worked mostly well throughout, though as mentioned, I definitely have the expectation at this point that we are going to discover the narrator is somehow A Thing.

The thing I’m struggling with most is, I don’t really have a sense of where we’re going from here. We’re early-ish into the book but seem to have accomplished the characters’ original mission of defeating S. Should we be expecting S to come back bigger and badder? I don’t know that that’s an expectation that’s been set. Meanwhile, we have a bunch of new stuff—whatever is going on with the dream demon band, suddenly breaking A’s curse seems like it might be a story goal where it really wasn’t before, L’s relationship with her exes who we may or may not have met before, and whatever’s going on with A’s violin playing, which was introduced early on and then didn’t advance until suddenly being brought up again.

So… pretty much with Ace and Mandamon on this one, again: there’s good stuff happening, but it’s not quite clear what is advancing the story or how, and some of it probably needs to be seeded in earlier.