People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

[cloudjumper he/him]

2 minutes ago, Inner Delysium said:

My question is: what sort of cookies are they?

They are the excellent kind. Though not without side effects, our cookies are rich in iron and improve your tolerance of ingested metal.

Also they are delicious

Edited June 25, 2017 by cloudjumper

[Inner Delysium she/her]

1 minute ago, cloudjumper said:

They are the excellent kind. Though not without side effects, our cookies are rich in iron and improve your tolerance of ingested metal.

Also they are delicious

Could one find Tin cookies somewhere? 

I appreciate the deliciousness of the iron ones. 

Oh. Oh dear. I think - I'm ... feeling ... the ... side - effects ... *hair turns a nauseous green*

[Zennix he/him]

Courtesy the Dark Alley R&D Laboratories, we present to you our newest product - THE SENTIENT AWAKENED COOKIE. We need your help to market this awesome product to the general Shard public and beyond. 

Yours in spikes, 

Zennix (PhD) 

(Professor of Hemalurgical Science and Technology)

[Sparkrunner he/him]

I now officially give the dark alley a gift from some sympathizers, your official legal certification. Now you have a warrant for hemalurgy.

*Fanfare* Hemalurgy.docx *Fanfare*

[JPine]

I do not get the obsession of cookies, but that's cool.

[kenod]

On 26/06/2017 at 6:15 PM, Cluny the Scourge said:

I now officially give the dark alley a gift from some sympathizers, your official legal certification. Now you have a warrant for hemalurgy.

*Fanfare* Hemalurgy.docx *Fanfare*

We will be unstoppable... *Evil Laughter*.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

New Denizens are officially Welcomed by The Committee of No Real Importance. Welcome to the ranks of Science! 

[Fatebreaker he/him]

23 hours ago, winter devotion said:

howdy, I'm hungry. got any snacks?

Always, Winter.

Always.

Now would you like a snicker-doodle of the Damned, or some "Crackers"?

[Fatebreaker he/him]

You know, the regular stuff: butter, sugar, shortening, eggs, a consumable Faustian-bargain generator, flour, cinnamon.

 

[Fatebreaker he/him]

We stand by our statement of quality assurance. 

[Voidus]

Apologies for my absence all, got caught up in some research into temporal teacakes and somehow I wound up at the heat death of the universe. Trying to fashion a new time machine out of nothing but dissipated waste energy is not an easy task.

Anyways, welcome to all new denziens, feel free to take any of the free labs, just make sure you clean out any lingering eldritch abominations manifested from the deepest recesses of human consciousness.

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

5 hours ago, Voidus said:

Anyways, welcome to all new denziens, feel free to take any of the free labs, just make sure you clean out any lingering eldritch abominations manifested from the deepest recesses of human consciousness.

Why would you clean out such flawless specimens???

Eldritch abominations make the best of pets.

And they're even more fun when you give them spikes.

[Voidus]

17 hours ago, Drake Marshall said:

Why would you clean out such flawless specimens???

Eldritch abominations make the best of pets.

And they're even more fun when you give them spikes.

We already have properly spikend and tamed ones in the pens of hemalurgic abominations, the ones loose in the offices are just wild ones.
You can keep them if you need wild specimens for your resource, but they can be found everywhere in and around the Alleys. 
Something about the alleys seems to draw insane creatures of ancient power. Personally I think they just like the smell of baking. Or the tortured screams of a billion souls. One of the other.

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

6 hours ago, Voidus said:

We already have properly spikend and tamed ones in the pens of hemalurgic abominations, the ones loose in the offices are just wild ones.
You can keep them if you need wild specimens for your resource, but they can be found everywhere in and around the Alleys. 
Something about the alleys seems to draw insane creatures of ancient power. Personally I think they just like the smell of baking. Or the tortured screams of a billion souls. One of the other.

I keep a few wild specimens in the process of domestication. As well as fitting them with spikes, I'm trying to teach them to make baked goods.

Just don't feed the wild shoggoths. They are pests.

2 hours ago, winter devotion said:

how big of an eldritch adorabomination are we talking now

It varies. The really big ones have a hard time fitting in the alley but you can find them in some of the larger storehouses.

[Fatebreaker he/him]

Ah Voidus, good to see you around the labs again. It's been a while since your lab has been used, so you might want to clear out some of the accumulated phantasms that tend to hide under the lab benches. 

Also regarding any stray Eldritch Abominations, remember that all abominations found that are older than 3 eternities must be labled as Eldritch Deities, for the purpose of tax write offs.

[DrakeMarshall he/him]

If you fill out the correct paperwork to designate an eldritch being as a diety, note that you may additionally file any expenses for the sake of the creature in question as donations to a religious nonprofit entity, thus possibly making such expenditures tax exempt.

Also, if you are keeping a pet abomination, consider investing in having it chipped, properly vaccinated, and perhaps also getting papers that officially ascertain its pedigree.

Do also note that eldritch abominations that do not have deity status and/or do not classify as a one winged angel may in some cases be designated as endangered species. As such, killing one may be illegal. Additionally, even hunting non-endangered abominations without the correct permit may constitute a misdemeanor.

And finally, remember to purchase some of the dark alley's trademarked pest repellent, if you are planning to spend a protracted time in the dark alley. It is guaranteed to keep away 99% of all insects, spiders, rodents (including those of unusual size), reanimated dead, and the aforementioned eldritch horrors (including most eldritch deities). Or your money back. Provided you are still in a state to file a complaint at our customer service desk.

 

Speaking of our customer service desk, I would like to donate several jars of deliciously lollipops fixed on hemalurgic spikes, to be placed on customer service desks, and similar locations, including to but not limited to the spot you normally find a little  bowl of mints in at a fancy restaurant. I think they will be a nice improvement to the dark alley.

[Voidus]

Speaking of our customer service desk, I think they deserve a shoutout, due to their diligent efforts in collaboration with R&D we have yet to receive a single complaint about a Dark Alley product or service.
What's their secret? Some say it's because the forms to file the paperwork are located in another dimension and have been ensorcelled to drive any mortal readers insane. Others say it's because people get spiked before they can actually file the complaint. And still others say it's because we train our reps to use Hemalurgically fueled emotional allomancy to make people feel too happy to file a complaint.

Well however they do it, here's to our customer service reps!
*raises cookie*

[Yitzi2]

By the way, I'm curious: Would you accept Myrddraal as members?

[18th Shard he/him]

Of course. They make delicious anti-materialism cookies. [But do they bake the cookies or are they baked into cookies?...]

[Zennix he/him]

All abominations of any kind are accepted. I would have liked to spike the Dark One but the Bore has been sealed. He would have been an awesome ingredient for my new type of cookies. 

[Voidus]

7 hours ago, Zennix said:

All abominations of any kind are accepted. I would have liked to spike the Dark One but the Bore has been sealed. He would have been an awesome ingredient for my new type of cookies. 

Oh we did that ages ago. You never wondered why the seals are all circles? They could almost be mistaken for some kind of cookie... 

[Zennix he/him]

Ah! Is that what actually happened? It's no wonder the seals failed after being hidden for such a long that it lost its hemalurgic charge. So, the people of Randland didn't have to wait for the Dragon Reborn. All they had to do was recharge the seals by periodically spiking some people (*cough* Aes Sedai). 

[kenod]

So does anybody have experience spiking Channelers? I'm wondering if the spike would just contain all their specific quirks with the One Power, or if you can spike out strengths with an individual element specifically, or their talents. It could be interesting to spike out talents and see if you can grant them without making the receiver a Channeler. Certain occurrences, like Dreamers, Sniffers and Wolfbrothers seem to indicate that you can.

[Voidus]

1 hour ago, kenod said:

So does anybody have experience spiking Channelers? I'm wondering if the spike would just contain all their specific quirks with the One Power, or if you can spike out strengths with an individual element specifically, or their talents. It could be interesting to spike out talents and see if you can grant them without making the receiver a Channeler. Certain occurrences, like Dreamers, Sniffers and Wolfbrothers seem to indicate that you can.

Ability to channel, finesse with weaves and elemental affinity are all separate traits from what we've discovered, although if you use an Atium spike and don't mind significantly more corruption to the soul you can rip off a larger piece of spiritweb and gain multiple of those traits.

[Zennix he/him]

1 hour ago, Voidus said:

Ability to channel, finesse with weaves and elemental affinity are all separate traits from what we've discovered, although if you use an Atium spike and don't mind significantly more corruption to the soul you can rip off a larger piece of spiritweb and gain multiple of those traits.

Do you think that Ta'verenness can be spiked? Testing that hypothesis is my next project although finding a Ta'veren is storming difficult. This project is very important because obtaining the ta'veren ability for myself will be very useful in my future hemalurgical projects.