Ace of Hearts Posted June 19, 2023 Report Share Posted June 19, 2023 Happy Juneteenth to my fellow Americans! This is the final submission of Bond of Wildflowers, and I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who helped critique, if it was the whole way through or a couple of chapters. All of it helped a ton and I'm excited to get down to revising. Thanks, everyone! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamon he/him Posted June 22, 2023 Report Share Posted June 22, 2023 Yay! Finally I get to read the end! Not a lot of notes here. I think you set everything up well. There were only a couple places below where I thought you could shore up during the book a little to give those spots extra relevance (cousin D, and N going off to college). If they're not that important, could always take them out. Great job on this! I think it's really close to publishable. What are your plans with it after the next rewrite? Are you going to submit to agents? pg 3: "cousin D" --oh yeah, that guy! Honestly, that character could probably be cut as he doesn't add anything to the story. pg 3: "but at least I have some confirmation from the other end" --B just said she has a feeling. Does she actually know anything? How? pg 4: "told me that I should get tested for the cancer progress" --Ah, so she did check in. pg 7: "but he makes a real effort to spend time with him" --huh, okay, D does show up again. pg 9: "when you go off to college.” --was this a plot point before? I don't remember it. If so, it should probably have some more tension associated with it so this comes as a bigger win. pg 11: Very nice wrapup! I like that this goes back to the original themes of autism and how W engages with those around her. Really nice story and I'm glad to have read it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace of Hearts Posted June 23, 2023 Author Report Share Posted June 23, 2023 16 hours ago, Mandamon said: Great job on this! I think it's really close to publishable. What are your plans with it after the next rewrite? Are you going to submit to agents? Thanks! Submitting to agents is the general plan, but (perhaps unsurprisingly) I'm not super familiar with the publishing system so I'll have to figure out how to best go about that. Thanks a ton for your comments all the way through! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted June 25, 2023 Report Share Posted June 25, 2023 Yay! I'm glad we got a denouement, I was worried for a second it was going to end where it did last week! Ha ha! I love seeing where the characters go in the aftermath. One thing that is troubling me is that a lot of characters died in the last couple of chapters, but I'm not feeling the effect of that emotionally. We can see how it's physically changed their lives, but it seems like there would be more reflection on it. Maybe that's just me. Page 3- "Oh, I hadn’t even thought about D." Yeah, me neither. Maybe concern about him should be a little more of a thread? He seemed to get lost in all the action. Page 4- "I stand frozen shock" I think you meant- in shock Page 9- "when you go off to college.” Did they talk about college earlier in the book? I don't recall it being a conversation they had. If W's thinking about N leaving for college I would think that would put an edge of sadness over her day until we get this reveal. She would be thinking about holding onto him and enjoying every minute she can until he leaves, then she would be so relieved when she finds out he's not leaving. Page 10- "And A, feel free to call me ‘mom’ if you like.” Oh wow, did not see that coming. Maybe I missed some foreshadowing on that? Plus there's no way an adoption would be final in a month, but maybe in your world it can? I'll give that a pass. Page 11- "Together, A and I take the first bite of cake." Love this final line! Great job! As I mentioned last week, I would enjoy a nice moment with W and N alone resolving how she hadn't told him everything, but that's my personal taste. I like endings that pull off happy and reflective. I think you could pull on so much emotion and relief and... everything into this ending. There's so much in your book you could draw on. I'm certain whatever you do with it will be awesome! It's a great story! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silk she/her Posted August 30, 2023 Report Share Posted August 30, 2023 Okay, I know you actually submitted this a while ago, but it's never not worth saying. Congratulations on hitting the end! "...it's fast enough that he doesn't comment." Why would H need to comment on them picking flowers? "...won't be able to do much even if we find him?" Then why look? Maybe W insisted? Also, I'm not clear on whether A is the right type of supernatural to cross the barrier. "...is the village going to be okay?" This makes me wonder, is N still expected to take over its leadership now? Seeing W's mom is neat, but especially with hair growing back etc, this feels very obviously supernatural and it almost seems like W and N are leaving the door open to questions about that on purpose. Maybe they are? This could very well be WRS (it didn't help that I took a long break in between critting chapters) but I have zero memory of R. Or, wait, is this a nickname for A? Hmm... I think this is actually the first I've heard of N going off to college. I don't think it needs to be a huge deal throughout the book given the other conflicts that are going on, but I think having it mentioned a few times would be helpful before the endcap. Speaking of A... was him getting adopted on the radar? This felt completely out of the blue to me. But maybe I missed or forgot something from the early chapters? Overall: Nicely done! I don't have much to add that I haven't already harped on ad nauseum (sorry) in my comments up to this point. I think the main thing for me that doesn't feel quite resolved is W's relationship with her amma. In the early chapters, W has a suspicion that her amma knows more than they let on about what's happening. She then goes against their wishes re: seeing N, discovers the supernatural and that her amma has been mixed up in it, and miraculously heals her mom from cancer and... she and amma never have a moment to themselves after all this happens to talk about it. On 6/22/2023 at 3:04 PM, Mandamon said: There were only a couple places below where I thought you could shore up during the book a little to give those spots extra relevance (cousin D, and N going off to college). I'd agree with this, I completely forgot about cousin D. He could probably be removed fairly easily, or his importance could be punched up just a little. I don't think either is a wrong answer here - there is plenty of conflict already going on, so as is you wouldn't be losing much by cutting him, but giving him just a liiiittle more oomph could also potentially make G's death more impactful since she isn't hugely present in the story either. On 6/24/2023 at 8:43 PM, Cathy Lim said: As I mentioned last week, I would enjoy a nice moment with W and N alone resolving how she hadn't told him everything I also think this would be helpful, some kind of resolution for W that mirrors the one N got. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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