From an SU i posted like a minute ago but figured it'd make a good post maybe..

ive already written about this before in poetry or whatnot but figured it might be relatable idk. I think it's a common experience from what little life I've lived..

do other people sometimes when walking do you walk slowly or try to acct as normal as possible, not looking back?

do you not move, not look, when lying in bed cuz u know/feel It watching? you gotta act like you dont know It's there..

but oh ado it's so frightful, so terrifying i want it to end, want to escape, want the day to return.

and windows, ado the windows.. there's windows everywhere, It can always see you, you can't hide. u can forget abt it for a bit, or hide under the covers, in a closet, but you remember. always remember. it never left.

i run to the next room, shut the door behind me and walk away from the crack or the bottom so it doesn't still see me. but, of course, it finds it's way into this room as well... never leaves me alone..

im never alone, though i can pretend to be.. i can forget for a bit.. but i always remember.

i sit on my floor reading house of leaves, and i know its behind me, watching me- me, vulnerable. i turn and look. it's not there, of course... i check the rest of my room, but don't see it- i dont think my eyes are working, i missed too many spots... its lurking, hiding, in the shadows or in an inconspicuous spot.. i cant check everywhere... i just have to try to ignore it... hope - let - sleep take me..

it still enters my mind within my dreams - nightmares? - of course .. of course i cant escape it.. i become Esu, it hunts me, violent this time.. i can run, i can run but it never lets me rest... there is but one escape and that is death..

out, alone at night outside the presumed safety - not safety - of a building, it is there more than ever.. i. the shadows of night beyond vision, perhaps in a dark window, over my shoulder, too many places... perhaps it is everywhere.

i cannot seek shelter as there is none, or perhaps i can.. maybe it would be better if i ... if i closed my eyes and hid, myself.. if my eyes are closed can it see me?

i lie in bed avoiding its gaze when it is before me, not looking when it is behind- breathe down my neck, eyes on my throat, my body. what does it want, this sadistic beast? this ... this shadow of a torturer or a torture device, haunting me.. always haunting me..

why doesnt it show itself, i wonder... why... why..

sometimes... sometimes i can almost see it, or convince myself.. but not really, no.. it does not like to be seen. like me.