Ado I just need to write this even if it's not all of it. I feel like I've restricted myself for many years out of fear of being abnormal or of not doing what is expected (which maybe is just the same thing?). Like, I don't know what to think sometimes or what's right or wrong

WaT

Like, I think I should do/say something, then think oh wait no I should do the other thing, then realize darn it I should've just done the first one or the one I wanted and Ado I hate this.

And uhm... I read about mental health conditions and stuff online (which yes I shouldn't do yada yada please don't comment...) but then I analyse all my actions and thoughts and compare it to what I read while also knowing nothing will be enough to "diagnose." Not that I can self-diagnose, but I feel like nothing I notice will be able to be told to a professional who *could* diagnose me (with something I likely don't have...) because I'd just be a silly fool making something of nothing and seeking diagnoses and labels and all that crap that I've been told I don't need or something (maybe I misparaphrased this).

But I also have felt for the longest time like there is *no one* like me, almost as if I am not human and cannot be related to. Now I've been beginning to see that I get people and they get me (at least I hope, in both cases). But before that, I was so scared of... being certain things or whatever and yeah I still am but not as much for certain ones.

Idk if I said what I wanted to but wtvr im tired and this has left me feeling weird