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2026/04/21 - Suffering
Desire, Why?
Knowledge. She craved knowledge, she needed it. Her cursory expertise in certain areas constantly nagged at her mind. She needed to... understand. She had to, lest she continue suffering. And she didn't want to be miserable. Or did she? No use going there again.
- - -
Taylor glanced up as a woman approached with an armful of books. She had long black hair that looked like it hadn't been brushed recently.
"You like readin'?" Taylor said, trying to make conversation as the woman set her books down on the checkout counter.
- - -
She stood there, only somewhat cognizant of her surroundings. What was she doing here again? Knowledge... she needed knowledge. How would she get it in... whatever this place was, though?
- - -
The woman appeared to be... saying something under her breath, and had a confused look in her eyes as she stared straight ahead at nothing. Okay, whatever, Taylor thought as she started scanning the barcodes on the many books. That woman sure did buy a lot; there were books on essentially all topics, from philosophy to math to... a cookbook? Huh. Halfway through, they started getting... odd. Taylor tried not to look at the covers. Who was she to judge? But then again...
"Hey, why..." Taylor trailed off as she looked up and saw that the woman was gone.
- - -
She stumbled out the door of that place, bumping into the walking corpses. She... she needed knowledge, yes. Why? Because... she... yearned to understand, yes. So much to learn, so much she didn't know... She paced around the concrete, talking through it. Where could she start? She needed... books. Yes, books. Was there somewhere she could get books? Yes, she was near it. She stumbled toward it and entered.
- - -
Taylor stood there confused for a moment. Why had the woman... left? Taylor didn't see her anywhere near. Oh well, she was an odd one anyway.
- - -
Books, she needed books, books would give her knowledge, and she needed knowledge. She blindly grabbed some books, then stood there for a bit. She needed to do something, right? Yes, she walked toward the... the checkout, and set her books down. Hopefully the corpse here would check out the books fast, as she needed knowledge. Knowledge, yes that was why she was here.
- - -
Taylor started as a stack of books was set down carelessly onto the counter.
"Hey, it's you again," Taylor exclaimed, recognizing the woman from the morning. "Where'd you head off to, anyway?"
Taylor waited, but the woman didn't answer. She just stood there, lips moving. This time, though, her eyes were moving. They were following Taylor's hands and each book as she scanned them. Weird. This time, the books... seemed more random, if that was possible. While previously they had largely been academic, now it looked like they'd just been taken off the shelves at random.
"Hey are you okay?" Taylor asked, irritation turning to concern.
- - -
Why did it stop. Why wasn't the corpse moving! There was still knowledge left, knowledge she needed. It didn't continue, the corpse had just stopped. And now its hands were moving, but not to the knowledge. They were moving towards her. No, no, no, no no no no. She needed that knowledge. She needed it... why had the corpse stopped... why... why... w—
- - -
Taylor reached out toward the woman, unsure what she was doing but hoping to somehow... comfort her, or figure out the situation. As she did, however, the woman began muttering more and shaking her head back and forth, as if in disbelief? Taylor could almost make out some of the words.
"Why... stopping... Nonono..."
Soon the woman started trembling, her words once again incoherent. Taylor started to walk around the counter to the woman, who started swaying, then collapsed.
- - -
She blinked awake, where was she? What was she doing? She... knowledge... she... she had...
- - -
The woman lay there, staring up into nothingness. Taylor got up to get the doctor, who came promptly. He sat down in a chair near the hospital bed and got out a laptop. He tried asking the woman a few questions, including things like what her name was, but the woman... just laid there, unmoving. If she didn't blink—and she did that infrequently—she would be indistinguishable from a corpse. Even her eyes were losing the life they had shown upon her waking. As Taylor looked closer, though, the woman's lips moved silently like they had at the bookstore. Taylor had already mentioned this to the doctor after they'd arrived.
- - -
She just wanted to understand... why couldn't it be simple? Why couldn't she understand... Why...
Watching, Feeling, Suffering.
I listen, from afar.
The shouting, the tears.
I feel, deeply pained.
The hurt, the hate.
I just watch, I just watch...
Why must they hurt?
Suffer and inflict.
Why must I hurt?
Myself, and from others.
I feel the pain, all of it.
This I have felt, before.
I know how it feels, much worse.
The yelling, the pain.
The words, sharp knives.
Worse though, so much worse.
Pain.
Hurt.
Suffer.
Alone.
Die.
- Her
Edited by Usseewa
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