Restrained

Do you ever feel,

Restrained?

Do you want things,

You can’t have?

Or don’t have?

Or won’t have?

 

Do you feel like what you truly want…

…is wrong?

And therefore…

…you just continue along?

Not loving what you do,

But pretending to. 

 

Not being passionate,

Not expressing yourself,

Not being you,

Not exploring,

Not fulfilling,

Your inner truth.

 

Have you ever been scared,

To be yourself?

Have you ever been scared,

Of liking something?

 

And so you continue on,

Liking what you are told to,

Doing what you are told to,

…and beginning to believe it.

 

You see others,

Who express parts of that true you.

You are with others who do.

But you can’t ever tell them, can you?

 

Ridicule will follow,

You will be ashamed,

You will be wrong,

You will be an outcast.

A rebel.

A freak.

 

You must like this, you are told.

No, that’s not for you, they say.

These messages are absorbed.

You believe them as true.

You believe them as social law.

 

You become afraid of what you want,

So you “want” what you don’t.

You hope you’ll get a morsel,

Without asking.

You hope that accidentally,

You’ll get what you crave deep down.

 

Sometimes you do,

In those rare moments.

Most oft you don’t,

And live life depressed.

 

Do you?

 

Life I Want

Sometimes I want a different life.

I see you there, and think what it’s like,

To be you.

I wonder what you think, feel, dream, and fear.

I wonder what your life is like,

Happy and sad alike.

I wonder what your day is like,

And wish I could see.

I want to be you,

I want to be everyone.

I want to know what they think and experience,

No matter how bland it may seem.

I don’t care if you have a “boring” life,

That makes it all-the-better.

I want to see what everyone feels,

What you feel,

I want that life.

If only for a day,

Or two or three.

I want to Mitsuha,

I want to be Taki,

I want to be you.

I want to feel everything you do.

Everything challenge you may hate,

Every difficulty you face,

Everything you love,

Each precious moment,

Each passing thought,

You are so wonderful,

Even if you don’t feel it so.

Each moment you live is beautiful,

No matter how trivial.

You are beautiful.

If only we could share that beauty,

Together.

If only I could have that beauty—that life.

I don’t care what hardships I’d face—I just want a life.

I want to feel how I imagine you do—even if you neglect to notice.

Why can’t I…

Why must I continue on like this…

When will my life begin…

Will it ever?

…Or has it already begun?

Because it doesn’t feel so.

It feels like everyone else has a normal life,

One perhaps taken for granted.

Why?

Whywhywhy?

Can I please just…

…be you.

For a moment.

 

- Lily.