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About this blog

They watch us, each move.

Hidden, they see us.

Quietly, they take us.

 

We are but ants to Them,

Living in a glass world,

On display,

Our daily lives,

Unbeknownst and unparseable to us.

Entries in this blog

Main

2026/05/23 - Heartombed

Love? I wish I could spend every day with her. If only I had not returned. If only I had not left. Each day of those few were the best of my life— and the start of a new one.   Each day I sought her, Sat sown, talked. Just sitting by her, Was more than I could ask for. Doing anything, with her, no matter how boring, was what made the days, something I wanted. Each second I smiled. Did I love
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2026/02/27 - Not Alone

Not Alone Oh my. I feel very…different. Relieved? Realizing I am not alone. My experience is one others share; It can be explained. People get me. I am not…a bad person. I am not…wrong. It is not…my fault. And help will work. I spent so long —too long— Thinking. Thinking that what I was going through, Was somehow untreatable. I believed for so long —to long— That I had to explain, And still no one
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2026/03/02 - Discomfort and Longing

Unpleasant Environment I hate this place. This place where I struggle; To find comfort, To find motivation, To find productivity, To find joy.   I shift and stir, Awaiting my next break, From this place. Awaiting tomorrow, Awaiting comfort, Awaiting the ever-closer…salvation.   It may take weeks, I might be here months more, But at least I have, A hope. A hope of escape.   A Step Away A
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2026/05/26 - Stupid stupid stupid...

To Learn I must learn, through life. "If it's easy am I doing it right?" Does it matter?   Nature We were mot meant for classification—nothing was. It doesn't just fit into neat little boxes or boxes within boxes, some walled off and others connected with tunnels and red yarn.   Confidence I now see— what they say. I can believe— in myself—my voice, my body, my mind. I can appreciate— and, finally, lov
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2026/03/03? - Sick and Empty

Sick of Home I’m homesick, in that, I’m sick of this home. This dreary and unexciting, Uncomfortable and cold, Long-lived, too-long, Home.   I long for a new home, One I enjoy being in, One I seek refuge in, Not refuge from. One I await, Not one I return to with reluctance.   I’m sick of this home, And long for a new one.   Missed Experiences;Missed Life Where is my life? Have I had one? I ge
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2026/03/04? - No One To Cry To

No1 2Cry2 (No One To Cry To) When I am sad, Depressed, frustrated, Lonely, confused, Anxious and stressed.   When I am these, The worst thing, Is having no one to cry to. I just have to sit or lay here, Keeping it all inside. I can’t even cry out, Can’t do anything, And it hurts. It hurts so very much, Having no one to cry to, No one to listen, No one that cares, No one there, To hear you. You mig
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2026/03/06 - Failure

Holding Back Tears I take a ragged breath, Trying to hold them in. Trying to hold back emotion? But the tears leak anyway, And more follow as the break in the dam widens.   A Failure, Me Why do I keep failing? Making mistakes? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be kind? Why do I keep causing pain? Am I selfish? Perhaps. If so, the hate I receive is deserved, is it not? The hate from myself and others? What though
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2026/03/07 - Life... and Death

I think this was the start--or, rather, continuation--of my anxiety.   YOLO You only live once. One life, so live your best. Or at least enjoy it. You don’t want to be lying, On your deathbed, By saying you have no regrets.   Life can feel short, Or feel long. It can feel like you have so much time—that you don’t have to worry. Or it can feel as if, before you know it, you will be six feet under.   Do what you love,
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2026/03/09 - Un-Necessary Sustenance

Necessary Sustenance Sometimes I don’t want, This necessary sustenance. Sometimes I don’t get, Enough necessary sustenance. Sometimes it’s too much work, Too few appetizing options, Not worth it.   - Lily
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2026/05/29 - An Idiot's Thoughts

Uhh... stuff about gender. If you don't agree with me then... idk. Yeah.   False Dichotomy We have taught ourselves that To be human is to fit into the binary— Moreso to be constrained within that box. But this is a false dichotomy— An unnecessary binary—who gives a storm if You want to wear suits or skirts—or both, or neither? Ehy do they assign is to one— Something we have no choice in—[illegible word] And reluctantly follow along with all
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2026/05/31 - No Memory About This

(Scheduled)   Purpose of Hiding I see clearer when— I take this veil from my eyes. So then ehy do I hide? For style or from fear?   Music Why do I deny myself the ever-soothing pleasure I was without for so long?   When will I allow my life to return to normal?   Will it—or I—ever?   Buzz The world has been so quiet, In these past weeks. No buzzing, no phone—[illegible word], Time for pe
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2026/06/01 - Slow Descent HAHA NOTTTTEEJJDJ

Scheduled   Paralysis I am not me— I cannot breathe, Nor can I think, For every thought thought Is two more worries wrought.   Faded Bliss I can't remember her, Not how I'd like. Our brief friendship, The possibility for more.   I try to remember, I don't want to forget— Despite the pain of regret.   See Her I wish I could see her, gain. I wish I could be with her, once more.
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2026/06/02 - Randomosity

Scheduled   The  I now listen, to the song not heard— not played. The song from Her.   Reading this next one ("Like Atlas") again, it kinda sucks. I definitely coulda done better... Like Atlas I feel sometimes an Immense burden— That of humanity. It weighs on me, And I feel guilty, And helpless.   Doomsday "If the world ended tomorrow, and it could." "If I died, I'd be fine." But what did She
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2026/06/03 - Fear of

(Scheduled) Also that title is not a mistake. It's just me tryna be deep...   Can't Tell I can't say my Deepest fears, cuz Then they'll   Nor was that. - usseewa wit' an uppercase 'u'
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2026/06/07 - Boop

(Schduled)   Shorts At last, I want to wear them, the cute shorts I got yesterday.   Shorts for the summer— legs won't be hot. I'm wearing a t-shirt, too, no longer hiding, or am I?   At Home I feel at home—the first time in a while, or life. Sitting on my bed in these bicolor linens and fingerless gloves, surrounded by journals, Devil Town on repeat.   I feel at home, sitting
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2026/06/10 - Figures of Past...

(Sch. Eduled)   Uncertain;Fluid I fluctuate between Wanting and knowing and Asking and telling And doubting and The colors I like and The name I am, and Me, Am I a she or a he, Both, or an enby? Lily or Ash or Something else?   How can I be me when I see me as wrong, bad?   - ∆
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2026/06/11 - ...Are Closer Than They Appear

(S. Cheduled)   Name What's my name? I don't know. Who am I? Ibid, ditto. Why don't I know my name? Why is it so hard To understand my heart? I am so lost. I'm confused, sos. I don't know anymore... Please can you help me? Understand, Help me, Find my name again.   Note that in that last line, the word "name" may have been something else, perhaps "way" or something. I can't always read my handwriting 😭 
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2026/03/14 - Hap-pi-ness

Sorry I didn't write much today.. I'll probably write more soon but no promises ofc. I have some ideas though...   Happy Why What Why am I happy, and what do I do with it? I don’t want to lose it, but that means I can’t do it— What I want, what I usually would do. I can’t ensadden myself—can’t sink myself. I need to preserve this feeling, Nurture it, And want it.   π - Lily the Happy I Think
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2026/03/14?

Rambler “They’re coming I know it I’ve seen they they’ve seen me we know we know we know we know…” … “I should just give up they’re probably here already it’s no use I’m dead I’m dead I’m dead…” … “No please no no no stop touching me stop touching me stop touching me please please please…” … “Why can’t I see why can’t I see turn on the lights what is that sound where am I where am I oh where am I…” … “No what are you doing no no no no no please I don’
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2026/03/26 - .

Sentenced It was his time. They unlocked his cell door and roughly hauled him up from where he was sitting on the stone ground with no care whatsoever. They hadn’t told him when this day would come—or even if it would—but they didn’t need to. Ever since his capture, he knew his fate. He had to admit, though, that he had been holding out hope. Just a small hope, a faint longing for a miracle, as they sometimes had in tales. He was aware that this wish for salvation was ultimately never going
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2026/03/29 - Searching

Allowing Rest She did not allow herself to rest, not yet. She could feel herself getting close to the Answer. She strained, reaching across her bedroom floor—the desk had grown too crowded, sagging under the weight of stacked tomes and hundreds of loose papers—and awkwardly grabbed an unorderly pile of papers, almost toppling a nearby stack of books in the process. She filed through the loose stack of pages—some upside-down, sideways, or folded in half—looking for one in particular. She rea
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2026/04/07 - Chaos

Hmm.. not as many "happy" poems as I thought..   Layered Thoughts I will never be ready. Will I? I don’t understand my thoughts, Don’t know what to think. Her thoughts are confusing, Tangles and jumbles. It’s… so, so many layers. Never-ending cyclic layers. “Help me…” Who? Who will help you, confused one? No one, not even your mind. No one can… make this any easier. I must persevere and… wait. Just… wait and… let the
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2026/04/09 - Change in Space

Okay, so this is a continuation of a series from a bit ago. To be honest, I think I've written stories (like "Day" parts 1 and 2) that have a character named Lily that *likely* aren't the same Lily as this and previous stories. But yeah, look for Lily characters that seem to match. I think the first one from this series is Solitude from 2026/01/15. The next few days probably have the next parts, and then I may have written more after that too. All in all, you really don't need to read those for
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2026/04/10 - Samantha

This time, from someone's point of view of Lily. (Continuation/more to the Lily series.)     Wanting to Talk Samantha found herself gazing at Lily—sitting in a row in front of her at the corner of the room. She wanted to talk to Lily, get to know her, see what was going on. Lily was always so quiet, Samantha wasn't sure they'd ever spoken together, despite having shared several classes. Sure, Lily answered questions here and there... at least most days... but she was alw
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2026/04/12 - Wrongness I Wish Would Go

The Breath Disconnect, Unhooked. Mind freed, Connection severed. What the hell am I doing with this life?   Paranoia Oh no. What does that mean?   New, worrying meanings emerge. Why that word choice? Why so terse? Is that normal? Am I seeing nothing? Why am I scared... Is this real? Am I just... being swindled? Manipulated, played? A pawn, my body stretched as each pulls an arm in opposite directions.
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