Tyson

So here's the unfinished chapter 1 if anyones interested.

Thread necromancing Cleaning out my desktop and come across an unfinished chapter 1 which I wrote for this over a year ago. Other projects and ideas, namely the current novel that i'm writing, has taken priority so i'll probably never get round to finishing this novel. Some i'm offering it to any writers who are struggling for inspiration. I have notes (somewhere on my pc), names (a list of characters also hidden in the depths of my pc), a world map (i've found this one lol) and general assistance to give to anyone who wants something to write. I know in my early days I struggled to think of something decent to write and wished someone would just give me an idea. I don't require anything in return. I just like to encourage people to write, so you can change or do anything you like to this story.

Hooks rarely ever come in the first chapter, maybe more so in Young Adult writing. That's why good authors utilise a prologue as a kind of hook. It's not a biggy. Give him a more distinct voice and the majority of the problems are fixed.

A mission where you have to recover the highprinces son from the Chasms. Like a labyrinth where you are being hunted by a Chasmfiend. Would be cool. I think the game would grow dull. Being only set on the Shattered Plains is such a boring environment. The Elder Scrolls games rely on varied locations to keep an otherwise monotonous mission set interesting. Each city is always vastly different, but how different can you make the warcamps and the platues. This game would quickly descend into Shard fueled killing sprees through a warcamp, then rebooting from the last saved game once you have been caught. I'd still play it though. I think a game set on Roshar would work better as a Force Unleashed style storyline, where you are either: 1. Szeth on his king killing spree across Jah Keved or 2. A loyal henchmen to Nalan. Entrusted with a shardblade to kill new surgebinders in Alethkar. Your first few missions could be the character hunting and kiling surgebinders. The twist is that you start to attract an unusual spren and start developing surges, you realize Nalan will be coming for you soon. You become the hunted. Climaxing in a battle with Nalan in Kholinar, maybe during or sparking the riots in the capital.

The bridgeman pushed a pile of books into Shallan's arms.

Good writing. Some long, daunting paragraphs but they flow nicely. Prose is simple and effective. Couple of things that I think needs improvement: 1. Lack of a hook. 2. Baige voice. 3. Names, names everywhere. 3 pages and my head felt ready to explode from information overload. All points that I have had to overcome in my earlier writing (and still have to watch out for)

"I think you're a stick," Shallan replied, much to the bridgeman's confusion. "A dip-stick."

Get straight to the point don't you, no beating about the bush with descriptions and other nonsense lol. Oh and I think you overused the word "she". 17 times in 4 paragraphs!

My personal theroy is that Dalinar's boon from the Nightwatcher was to forget about his wife, the curse is actually something different that we either don't know or have missed (I have even conisdered that Renarins fits was the curse, as Dalinar seems to change when he think about how fragile Renarin is). If this is in anyway correct, that would mean that Dalinar was in so much pain/greif/guilt that he needed to forget (maybe he killed her in one of his infamous rages) or it is part of a larger plan that required his wifes faked death. There isn't enough information, but I think it's safe to assume that it will play a larger role as the story progresses due to the amount of times it has been brought up, the involvement of the Nightwatcher and we still have Dalinar's flashback book (Highprince of War?) that will no doubt unravel the mystery.

True. I was only playing for the throne. Didn't care about the Others lol so your idea is more honorable. You should look up Bloodraven. He's most likley the most influential character in the series, just not many people know who he actually is. He's the one that Bran has gone to, The Three Eyed Crow, a Targaryen bastard-child. Once you know, alot of other things start to make sense. Such as the Direwolves, the ravens, the Godswood. Bloodraven has been playing the Game of Thrones and influencing houses for over one hundred years, and no one even knows, which makes him the best palyer. I thought food didn't grow in winter, only autumn. They harvest the food in autumn then store it until winter is finished. Hence why a 10 year winter would kill alot of people. This is also the reason why Jon Snow is lending money from the Iron Bank to purchase food stock. But your right, ample food would be provided in the starter kit I guess.

Thank you lol. In Westeros I don't think you can rely on other peoples armies, their all a bunch of turncloaks. I also think that, in the series in general, whoever wins the Iron Banks support will win the throne as Braavos wants its gold back. Bringing a mass of soliders is a sure way to make The Great Houses unite and destroy you. So only enough for protection and infiltration is needed. Not sure how to spoiler the above sorry. Sounds like your going for pure force. Spawning at the wall would be...cold. Farming would be hard going at the dawn of winter as you delayed until Ned's death and the stocks at he Wall wouldn't be enough to sustain the amount of people you brought. Also no consideration of the Game of Thrones subtle players - Varys, Tyrion, Littlefinger, Bloodraven, Iron Bank. They'd do all they could to remove your army at the wall if you are not in their plans.

How much a breeding pair of Chasmfeinds? I'd use Political goodwill on Tyrion Lannister - 25points A division Alethi Soldiers - 50points Stormwardens - 10points Craftsmen -10points Peasants (5000) - 25points 2 sets of Plate and Blade -50points (one set for me, one set for my good friend Tyrion) Warcamp - 15points 1. Spawn on Skagos and use my division of 5000 soliders to clear out the uncivilised inhabitants. Lay low on the mysterious island whilst building a warcamp. 2. Use remaing points to purchuse a breeding pair of Chasmfeinds (or more if they are cheap enough). Turn the island of Skagos into a breeding stage of Chasmfeinds, using Stormwardens and Craftmen to ensure a good breeding and feeding area. Secretly use surplus Peasants as Chasmfeind fodder, island game will need to sustain my long term warcamp. 3. Utilise Tyrion's political awareness and manipulativeness to ensure Skagos is kept out of the Kindgoms interests. Allow the War of 5 Kings to distract the Great Houses. Promise Tyrion plate, blade and as many whores as he desires for his loyalty. 4. Once a steady breeding programme is started (not sure on the length of a Chasmfiends life cycle) harvest Gemhearts. Use the gemhearts to bargain with the Iron Bank of Braavos, promising a steady flow of gems in return for a large loan to hire all the sell swords in the Free Cities and ships to transport them to westeros. 5. Descend on Westors with said army, conquering from Dorne to the Wall. The Martells will quickly yeild when they realise that my army is too large. Pardon Martell and the Sandsnakes. Pardon any smaller house who surrender. Destroy Casterly Rock. Crush the Boltons, the Frey's, the Arryns and the Barratheons. Replacing them with younger lords who will be obdient to myself and my hand Tyrion Lannister. Capture Jaime Lannister, Tywin Lannister and Gregor Clegane. 6. Kill the Greyjoys and set up a new breeding colony of Chasmfeinds on the Iron Islands. You know what they say, "don't put your eggs in one basket" "don't put your chrysalis' on one island". Repay the Iron Bank of Braavos in installments of gem hearts. 7. Send the Sandsnakes to hunt Littlefinger and Varys who both had the wit to escape Westeros when they knew I had won. This will keep the Sandsnakes occupied and away from Westeros. They cannnot be trusted. 8. Send captives from my war to Jon Snow to defend the Wall. 9. Await Danyarys voyage to Westeros. Offer her Jaime Lannister, Tywin Lannister and Gregor Clegane to feed to her dragons as a wedding gift. I'd be Dragon Riding Shardbearer. 10. Realise that Arya Stark will one day return to Westeros to avenge her House and I will be the only person left to blame for the Starks downfall. Wait patiently and peacefully for her return because death comes to all men. Valar Morghulis.

Name: Magnitude Power: Magnify and readuce vibrations. Stamp on the ground, magnify the vibration by a few million so it feels like a the ground moves in a wave flowing away from me. Toppling buildings etc. Flick a building and magnify vibration so it essentially explodes. Throw a pebble into a lake and cause a tidal wave. Secondary: Feel and read vibrations from close locations. Feel the vibration of someones footsteps long before they come into sight. Hear vibration of peoples whispered voices in the air from across the room. Can feel the vibration of peoples hearts and read the different emotion the heart betrays. Fear, anxiety, excitement, greif etc. so would tell if somone near me is about to shoot me, unless they could control their emotions perfectly. Evil: Rage. I have a problem with rage anyway. I'd quite easily kill somone who cuts me up whilst i'm driving or really annoys me in some way. If I had these powers, I'm pretty sure I'd be pretty hard to calm down. E.g. Destory a city because someone didn't say thank you when I held the door open for them. Weakness: No prime invincibilty, but being touched by a female negates my powers also. Women is my weakness now so having powers wouldn't likely change that lol. Costume: Suit and tie. I wear a suit 6 days a week for work and twice a week for church. Feels like I wear nothing else. Don't see why that should change.

Yes it's a wild theory and I agree that there isn't enough information. But I'll happily place a wager that the Ones Above are heavily involved in a future Cosmere story arc. The way that they were crammed into a story where they were so out of place, it was like he had to get them in somewhere. Regardless of our love for the Cosmere, we must remember that Brandon is a man, with a life beyond writing. The Cosmere isn't going to last forever, the flood of books (because he does publish them fast by anyones standards) will eventually slow to a trickle. It's a larger assumption to say that this wonderful multiverse he has created will last long enough for us to see any of the other shard worlds develop technology level to that of FTL.

Read this today and enjoyed it. I felt the Ones Above were slightly forced into the story, but I think it is a huge foreshadowing of future Cosmere books. We know that there will be a Mistborn series that is in the future. I think Brandon's own words were "huge space opera" if I recall correctly. So it is safe to assume that the Ones Above are based on Scadrial as currently they are the only race that we know for sure will "sail the stars". My theory is that Stormlight Archive will focus on defeating Odium. The future Mistborn series will focus on the reassembly of Aldonasium (pardon spelling). Maybe the protagonist will travel between Cosmere planets collecting shards, splinters and other forms of investiture. I guess this is the story in which the 17th shard will feature more heavily either as protagonists or antagonists. Sounds like something Brandon would have planned.

You kow your a Sanderson fan when you dismiss any magic system that has no logical limits.

When you comtemplate how many people you could kill with a penny

Hoid is more like master Elodin and Obryn Martell lol But it wouldn't surprise me if Doors of Stone ended like that, I think Rothfus has lost interest.

FMA Brotherhood story was amazing. Shame they didnt do the story right in the first series, it would have been better than Deathnote. Though I think Stormlight archive storyline is on course to surpass everything else in fantasy. Unless Rofthus can pull his finger out, or the next 2 mistborn trilogies are pretty epic.

That's the idea

Sounds great if the timezones are sorted out. What sort of stuff will you guys be submitting? Like chapters (or 1000 words) of a continuing story or random short pieces?

I can do Sundays no problem if you guys prefer. Im only busy at 3pm - 7pm GMT. ( really bad with timezones sorry, it boggles my brain)

This sounds fine for me. Can't see why I won't be able to attend this group. Saturday: 2:15 pm PST/ 4:15 pm Central/ 5:15 pm EST/ 10:15 pm GMT/9:15 am Sydney time Sunday. Add me

What time is that GMT? If you agree on a time, I'll see if I can join

Sounds really intresting Unfortunately I'm in the UK, so time difference for group chats might be tricky