Robinski

Really? I'm not sure I agree, they really lapped up that story set in Panem If it's an unfamiliar setting to some people, I might as fell be fictitious, so I think your city would be just fine!

I would like to submit, if there is a space, please.

Great stuff - thanks Kaisa. I need to ponder this. I'm glad that Quirk comes over this way to you, as that is what I was going for. You make an excellent point about introducing doubt now. I will rethink. p.s. I do like your version

Ha-ha! No, not this year for me either, two weddings/receptions and 20th wedding anniversary trip will use up all my holiday time. Leave it with me and I'll come up with some madcap idea that will never work. So far, I'm thinking the Orient Express, which goes to Krakow!! Like I said, 'madcap'...

Accepted! My first attempt is this... “Not a child, Mr. Queer.” The girl, Angelika (Yeah, right.), looked up from under dark brows, her eyes red and her cheeks damp, but she was angry now. So was he; how could she know about him when he didn’t know himself?" ...and this attempts to follow my first inclination which is, if I'm going to try and write the other here, I need to keep this first effort as close to my own experience as I can. To me, Quirk being in doubt is the way to do that, but I would value your thoughts on the matter. p.s. - I've gone through all instances of the word queer and inserted a reaction at most (are not that many) so, in future submissions, I hope this will be better. I don't expect it to be there yet, and there are other instances of attempted otherness that I dare say also will be off in some way, but I feel like I've taken another step in the right direction. Thank you @kaisa

I've got an idea, maybe we should have a Reading Excuses Cruise - on land!! How do you feel about trains? (I love trains, but flags... less so)

Wow! That's awesome - well done! Can we ask the subject?

Hey Hobbit - always very pleased to get your perspective Yeah, it's already changed, but thanks for confirming. There's something incredibly cathartic about writing sadness, it chimes with something, I think, that is more personal than pain or tension. I'm glad it comes though. I'm so glad that comes through. At points he almost seemed likeable and I had some comments early on that he was not as threatening as expected, so it's great that you get the underlying menace - hopefully others do too. Good point. I'm going to need to revise this. Grimes already is unreliable, in the sense that, when in the hotel room, he doesn't reveal in his thoughts that he is going to try and kill Toni, neither does he reveal explicitly that he doesn't expect to live through the encounter. So, putting it in Grimes' PoV is probably the right thing to do. Great comments, thank you, Hobbit!

Hmm, this certainly has come through before. I don't know, Mandamon. That's a real poser. I feel like there is a reason, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Still, I'll have a go: - I feel that the sadness in Grimes would be diminished. Statistically, men die first, to the point that there is pretty much an expectation, certainly round these parts (UK). - A woman facing off against Toni, I feel like the dynamic would be different. I feel like there is something of two old stags facing off against one another that would be lost. Not that it wouldn't address the issue of the 'confusion' with Quirk. - Another thing that would be different would be the encounter between Grimes and Moth, although that needs some reworking anyway, but putting Moth with an older woman... maybe that would be a good thing. I'll need to take that away and chew over it. It's a good suggestion - thank you!

I figure I'll bring all my RE books to the first cruise that we're all on together and get y'all to sign them

I'm going go this way anyway - #loveachallenge

I think it's worth saying again, welcome to Reading Excuses!! Really glad to have you onboard

Hey - was that an option?

Yeah, fair comment, I've properly ducked that one here. I will insert a reaction, that was remiss of me. I think it's probably due to me being hesitant about when and how far to go into that, but the answer at the moment is not far enough to be convincing after some of these early references. I need to correct that. In a similar vein, have you watched Torchwood?

Gotcha, I'll watch out for that

Well, I've got one, so I hope Kaisa does!

The best note of all! Thank you so much for reading, RD.

Check. Hmm, great advice. I'll need to think seriously about how I do that, but I take this very excellent point. Yay! There's plenty more where that came from. Done - thanks. I feel he's pretty concentrated on Toni, and dismissive of the girl. Water off a duck's back. This is something of a gamble. Basically, it's deep background, and may or may not even be answered in this book. Big old promise to the reader; I'll need to wait and see how the whole thing plays, and if anyone remembers it by the end!! Super-pleased that you are being carried through pages at a time - it's so encouraging. Grazie mille for reading!

Ha-ha, excellent. Maybe I'll just stick to making stuff up

I don't feel that would be an issue in terms of pronouns, but I wonder if it is making it harder to people to grasp S's character? Don't know - maybe not, as you've expressed how you sometimes toil over that anyway.

I think it's exactly that. I've had 50 years of binary upbringing and experience, both personal and from the media, and one year of trying to assimilate a different situation - that's a lot of imprinting to overturn. It may be a firm view (up to the point it became a thing on RE), but it's not consciously assumed. I didn't choose that world view, it was the only one presented to me until recently.

Yup, you got me. Some nice comments here. It's a deliberate affectation, but you quite rightly pick me up for consistency. I was trying to highlight certain things like Autocab and syRen; I certainly didn't research at this stage. Your comments about SM vs. TM will send me into research mode in Edit #2 for sure. Maybe this will drop out, as I haven't tagged all the real things that do have some kind of mark. We'll see. But thanks for challenging it. I'm not going to edit out in future posts at this stage, so bear with me Good call. I think I'm one over. T, M, Dr., Q and guide - so 5, plus a guard in each corner = 9 - Not a hexagon!! Hmm, I don't feel that strongly about it but... Since you mention it, a quick check indicates that nauseated is a verb and nauseous an adjective. On that basis, Q would be nauseated by the toxin, but the toxin would make him feel nauseous. Because the internet's always right, obvs. But losing out on consequent payments; still, I take your point. As to him potentially being please to have the girl around, hmm... I thought he had protested enough on that score, but maybe he protested too much, we shall see... You're going to meet one of two of these - I fear you might be disappointed though - we'll see. Aw, man, that's just really cool to hear; he's getting some good press (as is Moth), and it's just a great buzz and incentive for me to push on. Fair comment on the word-smithing. It's actually pretty much bang on the cut-off between the early chapters, which were largely material already submitted here in snippets, and therefore being one edit ahead, and the 'new' first draft stuff - so I'm not going to worry about that too much and just edit the p*nts of it at the next stage. Great comments, thank you, Dragon - much appreciated. You've given me some good fixes and consistency points here that will really help tighten things up, I do believe.

I think probably I did. I'm trying to given them up, but I still slip up sometimes - thanks for the reminder! Yeah, it was off screen. Although they probably had much to talk about, I felt that it was necessary to have Q make the discovery (or rather experience the reveal) of the contract relating to M, etc. That's sort of an open question. You're right to ask, and it's not answered here - but it's a promise to the reader, sure enough!! That's super - I'm pleased. It's clear I have some fixes to do for clarity, and everyone's comments are so helpful with this. Thank you so much of reading and thanks for the typos.

Lol - yes, he was rounding / approximating, but I really appreciate the precision Yeah, it's supposed to by ironic - which as you say places it very much in Q's voice. Nice thoughts - I will admit to doing no research at all on neurotoxins, so these comments are helpful. I will can-of-worms that to deal with in Edit #2 - thank you! Super comments, very much appreciated. The variation in what you guys pick up on is absolutely priceless. Really appreciate it.

Yeah, it's a bit lame, but that is kind of what it amounts to, however there is a glaring (ok, maybe not glaring) inconsistency in this thread, which comes out later, so I've pretty much already decided to tweak this after Eagle's comments, and you've cemented that, thank you! But yes, I've tweaked the money bit a bit, and will probably seek to strengthen it again in the next edit. I'll take a look at that in the edit - I've skimmed through and made some small dialogue changes. I've actually recorded 4 previous instances in my glossary of Q's smiles. Title Description Occurrences Special, self-satisfied smile For responding to sartorial compliments. Page 11 Sunday smile Reserved for old ladies and border guards. Page 39 Simple Smile No.3 No agenda, just happy to see you. Page 51 Prime Cut incredulous (On hearing about Moth’s saliva gland implant). Page 55 Rueful 2.0 (On leaving Toni’s office). Page 59 Having said that, some are more clearly 'codified' than others. As with several aspects, I'm trying something. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. Really appreciate the comments, thank you so much for reading, Mandamon. Many thanks for the typos, and you've given me something to think about with the tone. This is prominent in my edit list for this version, and I'll admit I'm struggling between sophisticate and gumshoe in places, but I'm just so fond of some of the lines. I'll figure it out, but I know that you guys will challenge me to toe the line Thanks again!