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Rynturning_Light

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Everything posted by Rynturning_Light

  1. Rynturning_Light
    I should make my dad take the test He's read a few SA books, i don't think it would be too difficult
  2. Rynturning_Light
    Yuppers, my technical final day is May 22 Indeed yay for therapy. I just struggle with opening up when I'm struggling, and I've been struggling recently. I also haven't been able to see her outside of our first session 'cause my schedule was insane.
  3. Rynturning_Light
    Ick, school sickness. I hate when that happens. I've got a thing about people being sick around me Tired too. I finished my math final today, so now it's a like nothing week...besides my nursing class. But that class never lets us rest. Setting us up for the medical field, I guess I haven't really been up to much. Tennis season is over, so no weekly practices anymore. Everything's kinda winding down right now, which is nice besides my teachers who aren't getting the memo. I've got therapy after school today, the thought of which totally didn't give me a minor anxiety freakout (it's almost like I'm in there for an anxiety issue)
  4. Rynturning_Light
    Goood morning I feel like starting a conversation I cannot finish (cause school/classes) How's everyone?
  5. Rynturning_Light
    Our mental conviction to love and care about things doesn't have a physical form
  6. Rynturning_Light
    They're real in our hearts
  7. Rynturning_Light

    I start finals testing today (cry)

    I'll be stuck in my bio room for my first math test, which is horribly ironic considering how godawful my bio teacher/class is

    Anyway, wish me luck. I be very tired and I burned my brain out doing 3.5 hours of straight homework last night. hehe, oops

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Rynturning_Light

      Rynturning_Light

      Yeah, my finals schedule is weird

      Tuesday-Thursday this week and last week are a majority of the finals/end-of-course tests. I've got my second math test day today

      I've done the assignment that will be my final in bio already. I'm exempt from my anatomy final.

      The only real test I have is my Psych AP test on May 12, after that I'm basically done

    3. kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ

      kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ

      when does your school year end, then? what are you doing in your classes after finals? we literally take all of our finals on the last two days of school (both of which are half days)

    4. Rynturning_Light

      Rynturning_Light

      I wish. That would make things so much more convenient

      Our technical final day in May 22, but most people get out that Tuesday (the 19th). Those last three days are our actual "finals week." It's basically just days for people to come in who aren't exempt from their not required finals

      What im doing in all of them is nothing. We have to show up to get attendance, but that's literally the only reason I go

  8. Rynturning_Light
  9. Rynturning_Light
    Sol looked at the strange marvel of creation. Something he wouldn't have even begin to consider existing before. Though, he supposed he had been caught up on Corrotto for quite a while. He hadn't be able to visit those distant worlds in quite a while. Looking around the ship, Sol let these thoughts fall away, and, for the first time in quite a while, he smiled. Unburdened. It felt nice.
  10. Rynturning_Light
    Congratulations!! My 4th Lightweaver ideal The light that has shined within me is dimming, and I must let it, for it is within the darkness that is left behind that I will find my true self
  11. Rynturning_Light
    Sol looked back at the idyllic Clearing. It was peaceful. Quiet. He would miss it, but it was not where he belonged. Not truly. He turned away from the site, and began to follow Sandy on his way to the ship.
  12. Rynturning_Light
  13. Rynturning_Light
    Same Demiaro technically (demisexual-aromantic) So like, romantic feelings could develop in theory but it's very unlikely and would probably only be for someone who I've known for a while and am very close with
  14. Rynturning_Light
    "You're the one who brought them here. How'd you find them?" Ryn asks, "...wait, is mine the first one you pulled. Uh oh."
  15. Rynturning_Light
    same I barely even count as queer lol ...no
  16. Rynturning_Light
    (how are you doing today)
  17. Rynturning_Light
    Lost in the void (hello)
  18. Rynturning_Light

    My brothers graduating with his psych degree soon (yippee) and I always forget that he has like, an understanding of mental health and that he's on track to become a therapist, especially considering his extremely aggressive way of showing love

    Anyway

    This morning, I called myself an idiot (with slightly more aggressive and self-hating language) and my brother, who was making breakfast in the kitchen right behind me, whipped around and scolded me with "don't talk about yourself like that, ever."

    ...it's been a long morning

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Rynturning_Light

      Rynturning_Light

      Indeed

      He's one of the best, in my humble opinion

      (even tho the first like 13 years of my life we were constantly at each others throats)

    3. KnightSkye Reforged

      KnightSkye Reforged

      Yeah that tracks lol. I'm the oldest of five and fight with one of them constantly. 

    4. Vielence

      Vielence

      *much hugging* long mornings are a particular kind of terrible sometimes

      ....

      dats a very, very good sibling that is

  19. Rynturning_Light
    You probably shouldn't My mind feels like it's devolving, and I honestly don't know how much longer I'll be able to take it Avoidance and isolation feels so tempting right now. I might disappear again, I don't know yet
  20. Rynturning_Light

    Absolutely loving my new habit of daily journalling

    I get to watch myself/my mental state fall apart in real time

  21. Rynturning_Light
    Thank you. I'll be done ranting now. I just needed to get that out of my system. I'll try and tell someone that my anxiety and depression symptoms are getting worse. I'll also consider telling my parents.
  22. Rynturning_Light
    I know. I just think all my arguing, deflection, and self-isolation has kinda put up a wall that they don't think they can push again. Which, I guess mission accomplished for my coping mechanisms. 'Cause like, none of them pry. Which was previously preferred but is now an issue Yeah, kinda why I started talking in here is like, no one on here knows me truly. Yes, I have many friends on here, but there is a clear and obvious divide between us and that's why I've started trauma dumping on here. I don't have to see them in person and deal with the worried looks or anything. And yeah, I know. But, I've been masking my issues so deeply that I didn't even realize I had them, so it kinda makes sense that I help everyone with their issues. To most everyone in my life, my issues are simple and end quickly. Give me a week and I can return to help bear their burdens. Another issue is I know I need help, obviously. I just, don't want to ask for it.
  23. Rynturning_Light
    All good with the rambling. I know logically that I should be doing those things, but every time I try to brush things off or not compare myself I fail spectacularly and send myself spiraling. There are a lot of reasons for why that happens, and I even know where those stem from (various moments from my childhood, shocking, I know) But like, I'm the one everyone comes to for their problems. I'm the mature one who knows how to help or deal with their issues. I should be able to deal with my own stuff. I just can't, not anymore at least. The bottles I kept everything is are breaking, and now my mind is just a cocktail of anxiety and anger and sadness, which all cancel each other out into depression But yeah, I do have a medical inclination to this. Like I mentioned, my mother has some form of an anxiety disorder. My brother has anxiety too, I just don't know if it's a disorder. It's passed to me now and I'm scared to find out how deep is goes. Thanks I want the people close to me to call me on it. Just, one of my first coping mechanisms is deflection and anger. I argue when people try and pry open my issues. And when I don't I pull back and avoid the conversation. It gets worse when they won't let me retreat. I get more angry and then start yelling at people. Though, that can usually be avoided if I'm really close to the person. I think I've just convinced those closest to me not to pry, when that's really the one thing that I kinda need I just, I don't want to reach out first. That's my first obstacle, and it's one that I really struggle to bypass.
  24. Rynturning_Light
    Maybe. I haven't really had any breathing room recently. My anxiety is like borderline chronic, though. Literally every commitment or task I have causes worry. Even things I have no control over, like needing other people to email me back or something puts me in fight-or-flight. Depressions also popped up recently, and I think that's causing it somewhat 'cause, however stupid this sounds, I've been under the impression that I'm not supposed to have depression. My life is fine, not overly exciting, but fine I get that. That's kinda where my recent depressions was caused from
  25. Rynturning_Light
    Yeah, I have been trying to reach out to or at least tell people somethings wrong. It's just one of the many things I struggle with when it comes to my mental health. I've started therapy recently, which I think will help. My schedules been hectic though, so I haven't been able to see my therapist beyond our first session. I started therapy because my mental state was basically the lowest it has ever been, and now I haven't been able to go back when I'm still in that pit and it feels like I'm just falling deeper and deeper. Idk, I can kinda feel a breakdown coming. I just don't know what to do about it. Last night I laid on my floor for like a half hour just dissociating cause I'm exhausted and I don't want to be in my brain anymore
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