MirkerLurker
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Everything posted by MirkerLurker
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*Strikes a pose* I have superpowers! called "I too have experienced these" haha. It's like how the Radiants get superpowers from the cracks in their soul, only instead of turning into a magical girl anime character, I get meme powers instead. Yay! I'm glad you've been doing better! *hugs* ooh wait Imma try the thing sylheart hugs!
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Ladies and gentlemen, beings and buddies, and general peoples of the Cosmere... This is why we're here. (In this group.) To talk about the things, and discover that we're not alone. Sure! Welcome! I love love love that you asked what kind of response was desired/would be helpful! "How would you like me to help?" is such an underused question. ALSO Since we're doing memes! I have memes! Imma put them each in their own "spoiler" thing, so there's not just this massive post on the feed.
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MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! 1675: Replace standard greetings with your best evil laugh. Keep going long after it gets awkward. That sounds delish. Also, it reminds me of a real-life story, so for my next entry: 1676: Use a syringe to inject an apple full of black ink without visibly marring the skin and then give it to someone/slip it into their lunch/set it where someone will pick it up and bite into it. (I can't take credit for that one, but it absolutely belongs here. A friend of mine did that to a teacher. It...did not go well for them, but from what I'm told of the teacher, was worth it) -
*hugs back* I have that link saved as an image in a mental health folder on my computer. I go back and reread it every now and then. Also, yep, very adulty, much grown-up, woo. YES
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Holy icicles batman, that's a lot of posts since I was last on. Alright. *hug* I read a post about that kind of thought, about not trusting when people say they like us, that really stuck with me (That's a thought that pops up in my head...a lot less than it used to, but it's quite familiar to me). https://ifunny.co/picture/reversing-the-negatives-thoughts-we-believe-our-partners-think-about-WrVfjDXE9 It boils down to: When we distrust them saying they like us, we're accusing our friends of lying. It's our brain trying to use shame and fear to trick us, and we need to actively focus on the evidence we have that they actually do like us - not them saying it, but them living it. We have that evidence, we just don't focus on it, and so our brains hide it, cover it up. We are so the cool people. Absolutely. *Hug* Let us know if you want advice, or just listening ears. We're here for you whatever you need. more hugs! *hug* A hugfest, obviously. *drags Ironwill into the hugfest* Also, a meme for this! For some explanation of why we do this: Online safety is cool! I, however, have already said my age on here, cuz I'm not particularly worried for myself, so for a point of data on whether you're actually older than everyone on here: I'm 32! So if you're an adult like myself, you're at least not the only adult (though you may be older than me, and you don't need to confirm whether you are or aren't - I'm just giving you info, not asking for it in return! Keep your secrets!). (Age is about the only thing I'll give out though. Anything related to location? Definitely not.) WHAT HOW SO JEALOUS *HUG* I'm here. We're here for you. I'm glad you have a friend nearby, who will try to help you adjust, keep what parts of normal you can, etc. We will absolutely be your family. It won't be the same; but you will always have some kind of family here. *more hug*
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Yes. "Carrrrrlllll, that kills people!!" 1648: walk around eating raw faces
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You Know You're a Sanderfan When...
MirkerLurker replied to Shardbearer's topic in General Brandon Discussion
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -
Let's see if I've got the idea here... 1646: Pull a lemon out of someone else's pocket, take a huge bite straight out of it, and chew on it with your mouth open, spraying lemon juice all over the person's face as you chew.
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You Know You're a Sanderfan When...
MirkerLurker replied to Shardbearer's topic in General Brandon Discussion
When you try to use sanderwords playing Wordle -
That is SUCH a Shallan quote ohmygoodness. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!! *hugs* very welcome. Yussssss. Welcome! Very belated good luck, and glad it went well! *dance dance twirl*
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YES Numb. Not even numb per se, not the heavy weighted numb of depression, just...not responding. Not caring. Like, am I some kind of monster? What's wrong with me? At least strong emotions I understand - they hurt, they're terrible, but they make sense. It makes sense to feel awful when you hate yourself. But thinking, looking at those thoughts and just...nothing? If I don't care, what matters? If I don't care, how do I stop myself from actually doing the horrible things my brain comes up with? Who will I hurt first - myself or someone else? There were times when I feel like the only reason I didn't pull a knife and stab someone for no reason other than mild curiousity, or push them off a ledge to see how badly they broke upon impact, or actually go through with drawing a blade across my throat, was because logically, that would cause more trouble than it's worth, and I didn't care enough to bother handling the hassle. Which should be terrifying, but in those moments, it wasn't terrifying - it wasn't anything. Until later, when I was feeling things again, and then I felt I must be some kind of monster, to want to torture or break someone out of curiousity. And the thought of who even was that, because the "me" that's feeling emotions thinks of that and is horrified, and can't reconcile the two voices, and who even is this in my head? (side note: yeah the shard merges posts if you make several in a row without someone else posting between them. Caught me by surprise too lol) Psychiatrist approaches mental health from a physical standpoint: They study brain chemistry and interactions between the brain and body and so forth, so they can prescribe medications in addition to counseling. A psychologist or therapist or counselor studies the mental aspects, thought patterns, behavioral patterns, etc; not that they don't learn how mental health affects the body, but they approach it from the mind and thoughts first, and how that then affects the body, instead of vice-versa. If that makes sense. But also, every doctor of any kind, and schoolteacher too for that matter, is a mandated reporter, if that's what you're concerned about. And because of that, I spent my high school years lying to people, out of fear that someone would find out and take away my control. Tell me I no longer had any choice in how I handled what I was going through. I did go to counseling (mandated, after I missed 50 days out of a single school year), but I glossed over and hid parts of what I was feeling and doing. Carefully curated what I talked about, presented things that fit the standard depression checklist but weren't bad enough to, in my mind, risk getting forced into anything. (Ironic, after ending up in mandated counseling, but hey, no one said mental health issues are logical.) Here's my takeaway from that: Not being fully honest meant the counseling didn't do crem. It was a bandaid on a broken limb; reminded me to keep faking it better so I could 'pass' in general society, but didn't actually help worth a storm. Now that I'm in counseling again, but this time being fully honest with my therapist, I'm seeing how much of a difference it makes. And that, as much as I hate this thought, it probably would have gone better for me if I'd been honest back in earlier years. I'm not necessarily trying to say you should be too. I don't know your situation - I'm fortunate to have a mom who's very supportive of mental health, for example, so I didn't have to worry about getting punished for it by her. (Didn't stop my brain from trying to prevent her from finding out anyway, of course). Not everybody has that luxury. I'm not here to push you into anything. But I want you to have information I didn't have. Take what pieces help you, drop what pieces don't. And maybe see that it can get better. Theatre kids! Woo! I was a backstage techie, I hung out with theater kids all the time in high school! So much fun. For better. Definitely for better.
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YEP I picked up my enjoyment of this from my husband. It's his favorite conspiracy theory. I almost got him something off this site for Christmas OMG YES YOU TOO The last time I cut my hair was last winter. I had spent two months having little...and then not-so-little...breakdowns every time I had to wash my hair because it took so long with the overstimulation of the noise and the water and the cold and the hairdryer and the small enclosed space and GAH. So I knew I really needed to cut it shorter, for my own sake...but it took a full-on panic attack, hyperventilating on the floor for over an hour, before I finally actually decided to get it cut. And then another smaller panic session after getting it cut. So. I get you. Well done. Absolutely, hi and welcome!! Also, I'm shocked no one has done this yet, but that means I get to be the first! Are you ok with hugs? Because if you are... *HUG* I finished too! (Because KnightSkye would not leave me alone until I did so we could talk spoilers haha)
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When in doubt, cookies! Or CANNOLIS! *throws cannolis into the chaotic mess of birds NO BIRDS AREN'T REAL GUYS THEY'RE ALL DRONES THE GOVERNMENT USES TO SPY ON US EVERYONE KNOWS THAT IT'S WHY THEY GO CRAZY FOR FRENCH FRIES LIKE COPS GO CRAZY FOR DONUTS
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Anyway, I'm gonna go hit my husband with a sword now - bye guys! Talk later! (We're in a german longsword club, and it's nice out, so we're gonna go practice outside. Not spousal abuse Like Adolin and Shallan training together )
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I'm not offended! I find great amusement in it honestly. Some might say that I lack maturity, and that's why I get mistaken for a teenager. They're probably right. More chaos for meee! (No one's ever said it to my face though, I just assume that's what they're actually thinking. I've only gotten comments about dressing like a teenager. Like, yes, I have sensory issues. I found a specific pair of jeans and a sweatshirt that are comfortable and that's what I wear. I'm not changing that b/c you think it doesn't look adult. Thank you.) Thanks! He's great. Joins in my chaos right alongside me Yay!! *gives everyone oddly green scones* *gasp* Yes! The weird gay emo cousins are the best people to hang out with at family gatherings!!! (No offense to everybody else, of course)
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I'm 32. I get asked multiple times a year what grade of high school I'm in, or similar. A couple years ago someone thought I was twelve, which was weird.
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So. People think I'm a teenager. ALL THE FREAKING TIME.
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Ooh! Ooh! Can I be the weird 'second cousin once removed' that no one is quite sure she's actually related because everyone swears she's related to someone else, but she keeps showing up to family gatherings with strange-looking but tasty experimental baked goods so no one wants to tell her they don't think they're actually related??? I can bring heresy cookies! (Legit. I made cookies with various heresies written on them for an event yesterday They were delish. Also lots of people laughed. I will share them!) I, uh, named mine Ruin a number of years ago. For what are probably obvious reasons. All y'all's names are more fun though! And now I kinda wanna change mine...but I've been using Ruin for so long I'll probably forget if I change it haha *hugs* Also I NEVER GOT A NOTIFICATION THIS WHOLE CHAT WAS GOING ON AND I AM PEEVED B/C IT WAS HILARIOUS. *smacks computer* Also, to hopefully give everyone a chuckle, here is me and my memory-deficient brain today: I just interrupted myself halfway through a sentence to yell "WAIT I WAS GONNA GO PEE! How did I forget that? I DON'T REMEMBER HOW I FORGOT!" and then ran out of the room. Fortunately, my husband is used to my antics MORE HUGS
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*hugs* I also panic at being late, or missing something, showing up partway through. Have for as long as I can remember. I second the advice from Haly and Glass of "give yourself grace, remind yourself it wasn't under your control and it's ok to let go of that". For in-the-moment panic, I use a grounding technique that focuses on breathing. Slowly in and out, and focusing my thoughts on something like "It was not my fault. It will be ok." And then rehearse how I'm going to enter, so I can be (or rather, look) confident in my entrance, even if internally I'm panicking. I also love Haly's idea of wear something smokin and just own that class. Rock your way in and embrace it. Tangentially related, there's a whole psychology behind "act like you belong, and everyone else will follow your lead". Or "Faked confidence works just like the real thing." It sometimes helps my anxiety to remember that if I fake-project confidence - if I go through the physical motions of it, even if inside I'm screaming in terror - people will respond to the way I behave, and not notice the internal panic. I've practiced pushing my shoulders back, keeping my eyes up, and rehearsing a few sentences over and over before making a grand "confident" entrance. ...sometimes that "rehearsing" takes 30 minutes in the hallway outside the door. But not always! And it often works!
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Sweet! Ooooh, I wonder if there's studies on that? That's a neat theory.
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Yep. You think you're doing well, you think maybe you're actually better now, you think maybe you can start to count on being ok, and then...BAM. Darkspiral, brain out of commission, breathing is too much work, let alone moving... Hate it. *Hugs* for both of you. I guess, yeah? I've never experienced thinking any other way haha. But yeah, I think of and imagine things with full sensory detail (as best as my brain can, anyway). My thoughts are a jumble of "feel!" and "sound!" and "emotion!" and "movement!" and "color!" and "scattered words!".
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Yes! I create not just characters but full stories in my head. I have a world with three separate stories and character sets that take place in it at various points in the timeline. All of the characters have some aspects of myself in them (some more than others). Several people here have commented they do that - put some parts of themselves that are true in, and some parts that are what we wish we could be. Like us, but different. Better. But yeah, definitely a coping thing. I've got a character that is deliberately calm because once she loses her temper, she flies into uncontrollable rages; I've got a character that feels trapped and unable to escape herself, like there's two versions of her inside her head that want competing things; I've got a character that pursues what's "right" to the point of burning those around him; I've got a character that's so blandly average that no one takes notice of him and he's too soft-spoken and quiet to speak up about it; I've got a character who fears if she stops pretending to be less than she is, pretending to be 'normal', she'll terrify and hurt those around her and drive them away; I've got a character who is always fighting the voice in her head that wants to hurt those around her and revel in it, wondering if she's a monster for having it. In the stories, they all work through these things; the problems don't all go away per se, but they learn, they struggle, they grow, they come to healthier mindsets; they do better than I - and then I try to apply that to myself, and think of myself the same way, and grow like they do. (There are crossovers too, where characters from one story appear briefly in one of the other storylines. Those are fun to 'write'.) (I've never actually written any of this down though. There's something about writing it down...I feel like I couldn't put it into words perfectly. I think as much in emotions, colors, scents, textures, as I do in words. And the more I care about something, the harder it is to put into words. ...Which makes communicating important things real fun, I gotta tell you.) So you say this laughingly, but I integrate the profile pic into my image of who the person is. Not what they look like, but how they choose to portray themselves. The profile pic becomes a large part of how I think of them. ...Which does not help me make an actual visual picture of them in the slightest haha. I am no good whatsoever at guessing what people look like.
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"but implementing the strategies isn't routine, so after a couple days I simply forget to do the things that had been making me productive" Sooo much yes on that. I feel like I've tried a hundred different "life hack" tips or "organize your time" tricks, all of which make things better for a brief window of time, but then I just...stop doing them. I forget to do things, or it feels like too much work (depression makes things with lots of "buttons" so to speak, lots of steps, feel exhausting or insurmountable), and then once I've stopped, I never pick it back up again. Not sure if I have a ton of tips, and you've probably already tried a number of things, so again, disregard what isn't helpful! These are things that sometimes help for me. For mindless tasks: Audiobooks, music, TV - something extra that I can have on, either in the background or as something I'm paying active attention to, sometimes makes mindless chores easier, as I don't go out of my mind bored and uninterested. I may not enjoy what I'm doing with my hands, but I like what I'm listening to, and doing the boring thing with my hands lets me trick my brain into justifying "wasting" time watching tv or listening to something. Doesn't always work, and I'll go through periods of listening to something almost all the time, and then periods of "too much overstimulation, can't have anything on", but it's a trick that sometimes works. For procrastination: I'm not sure I have anything helpful here. Some days I can kick myself into starting tasks by making up "rules" like "no internet/reading/games/etc until I finish 'x' task", and other days that does absolutely nothing at all. And I'm pretty sure "guilt-trip/shame yourself into functioning" isn't promoted as a healthy method of functioning. ...It is explicitly not, actually. My therapist keeps telling me to work on changing my negative internal voice to a positive one. So uh, don't do that one? (except it often works, which reinforces doing it, so it's a hard habit to break)
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YES!! eeeeeeeeeeeeee this makes me super happy.
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Absolutely! As we gain more people here, we'll start to collect more people with shared issues, and be able to commiserate, offer support from a place of experience, etc. But even if there's something brought up that no one has personal experience with, we're all here to support everyone, whether with shared experience or just a listening and supportive ear. Oof, dropping meds can be rough from what I'm told. On the executive function side of things, I only have the autism side, not the adhd side, which surprised me, because I share a number of symptoms - most notably that meme of "Wait, you guys function?" So this may not apply in the slightest - feel free to disregard any and all advice that doesn't work for you! For me, having a smart device that yells at me when I'm supposed to do things helps with some parts. Also cycling through tasks - have a list of tasks that need to be done, but float through them as the whims hit. In the middle of one, lose interest, pick up a different task and do that for a bit till I get bored and float to another, or back to the first - I try to limit it to 6-10 tasks at a time so that I do get some things completed or accomplished. That doesn't work if you don't have a flexible schedule or the ability to choose which tasks you do when though. Dragonheir, are there specific things that you struggle with? "Executive function" has such a broad range of influence, it's hard to give ideas that help with all of it. (Assuming that you would like ideas given - it seems like you are asking for some, but if not, feel free to tell me to stop offering them! I won't be offended. I like clear, direct communication.)
