Through the Living Wrath

Hey all - I just wanted to post a list of preparations for the upcoming apocalypse.

a) Make sure to stock up on fish. If you have enough of it in one place for one time, no one will want to go near there, so no one will be able to zombify there! Except you, of course.

b) Remember, you don’t need to run faster than the zombie that can’t really run at all. You just need to run faster than your friends.

c) Stock up on non-athletic friends.

d) Remember, if you hear something that sounds like a zombie, it’s probably just the boiler from the basement. And if you’re outside, it’s probably just the magical sky boiler that flies around and blesses those lucky to spot it.

e) Make sure to get some sort of house with only one exit - that way, if the zombies break in, you can trap them and experiment on them until you make a cure.

f) If common sense tells you that curing a zombie missing vital organs is bad, it’s wrong.

g) In the apocalypse, the zombies actually hijacked your common sense - it’s taking a bribe of a few dollars. You can’t trust it.