Just-A-Stick

Abandoned 

 

 

Lost

Forgotten

Alone

Did I ever make a difference?

Do people care?

Does God see?

Why

Why do they wonder?

What is it like to be me?

The lies

So believable

Where are you?

When these feelings take over?

When it takes so much effort just to keep breathing?

When the fear is crippling?

When I am falling apart?

Body,

Mind,

Spirit,

Toppling over.

 

The wind is strong.

So strong.

I can feel it,

Tipping me toward decisions.

Regrets.

Why do we live?

For purpose?

What is that purpose?

Oh God, where are you?

In my hour of need?

In a matter of life and death?

My life?

My death?

When I need you!

With every fiber of my being

I know, somewhere inside,

That you hold me.

But

Why can I not feel those hands now?

 

Rest.

What is rest?

Why am I a stranger to so much?

Do my words mean anything?

I toss them up!

Toward you!

Do you hear?

They ricochet endlessly off the ceiling.

Bounce back into my face.

Why? Oh Lord?

Why me?

Did you choose,

When I was made,

To give me these burdens?

 

So heavy.

I strain under the weight of them,

Crying out for rest!

For help!

All the time, 

Wondering.

Wondering

Why,

Wondering when

This load will be lifted

If it even will.

Ever. 

 

I feel hopeless.

Abandoned

Dead inside

Wanting the deadness to consume me

What stops me?

From ending it all?

Facing eternity?

Killing my dreams

My plans

My hope

Myself

Empty.

 

Why am I here?

You say you have plans for me?

Prove it!

I bleed!

   In spirit

    In mind

     In body

Do you see?

Do you see the suffering?

Why is this called life?

Is there any hope at all?

I am dying!

And yet

You seem to do nothing!

Why?

 

Lord.

I fall.

Have fallen.

Will continue to fall.

Forever.

Will I be caught?

In anything other than this storm?

Emotions

Pain

Heartache

They swirl inside of me,

Beating against my very soul

Among them all,

The question remains,

Unanswered

Abandoned

Forgotten

Why?

 

You made us;

So fragile!

We break.

Hurt. 

Die.

And you!

Up where it is safe!

Look on and do nothing!?

Why are we like this?

What is the plan?

Why have you hidden from us?

 

I have dreams.

Nightmares

I am haunted

Creatures lurk

Skitter

Creep

Through the shadows in my soul

There is no escape

Death lives here

In my heart

But

I am still breathing

If only

If only I wasn’t-

These are the thoughts

The thoughts killing me-

Or am I killing myself?

Everything is dark

Cold

Scary

Why?

 

 

 

What kind of life is this?

Would it be better not to live at all?

Who understands?

Not my family!

Not my friends!

Not you!

Tell me, God!

Where are you?

When Hell has come to earth?

When I want to-

Feel as if I need to-

Die

Escape 

Fade away

Forever

 

Would anyone really notice?

If I was gone-

One instant-

One decision-

One jump-

One stab-

One life-

Gone

What if?

Who would care?

Who would weep?

If I

Was

Gone.

Forever.

 

Can I continue to bear this?

Like I have for so long?

If I just collapse?

The strain is too much! 

I am weak!

Alone.

 

You say that you are always with me?

Then where?

Where are you?!

What must I do to feel your presence?

Empty.

Alone

Abandoned.

 

 

 

~ Stick