akoebel

I liked that the chapter was full of action. It didn't link with the previous one, but it didn't bother me enough to stop me. The two main things for me are : * the way the main character uses to dispatch the bandits. The man has a knife on hand and he still uses his sword to stab a man in a tree (note : the sequence in the tree was unclear. At some point, I wondered if there were 2 bandits in that tree and I had to re-read the paragraph). I tried to picture it in my mind, but the sword (unless it is really short) felt cumbersome for someone who wants stealth. With the second bandit, he does it again : using a sword where the knife would have been faster and more efficient. * the wife's sickness. There was no sign of it at the beginning and when she wants to act, Madren mentions it even though his wife shows no signs of weakness.

I didn't assume there was no metal in this world. There is obviously at least one metal in some quantity (Sapphire and Ruby are Aluminum oxides). Maybe the people there have not discovered how to process it yet. That story in itself (people discovering metals and how to turn them into weapons) could be fascinating.

There is a disconnect between the strong "At last" you've mentioned at the end of chapter 1 and the character's behavior here. If he's been waiting for his father to die (and the king seemed to be in good health, so the prospect must have been far away), he should think about his next steps : organizing the succession, strengthening his position as a ruler. There, we see only mild reactions, like "He didn't know what to feel about that" (which is a big tell, BTW). As a result, the character still seems weak. In the council scene, he kind of takes charge, but I almost expected the other councilors to ask him to change seats and be quiet. I completely bought the bickering between councilors. Seemed very real in a crisis situation. I also found strange that the librarians didn't even know him by sight or even suspect who he was. I'm sure that if the king had walked to them, he would have been recognized. There, even when they learn who he is, they still don't treat him respectfully. Maybe that's a world's feature; if so, you could add a thought about how librarians were so discourteous. As it is, their reaction only reinforces the fact that he's seen as someone weak. Question : how are they going to explain that the corpse is a head short (they're very unlikely to retrieve the head)? Some people might even doubt the body they're shown is the king's.

That's a great line! Just write what you have in your head for now. We'll see in a few chapters if we understand your world better.

Not at the time. I sensed there was something there, but didn't have enough elements yet to understand the magic system (which is fine, you have time to set it up).

I did it last year, but only because my next book had matured enough in my mind so I could begin writing it at the time. I wrote like a mad man and managed to get out 100k even with a con in the middle. It nearly destroyed my social life in November, but I got to write my yearly book in one month. I'm a discovery writer, so I won't plan a book in advance except for a bit of research (last year, I researched Crannogs because I thought they were cool); aside from that, it's all free pantsy write. What I liked: * Seems like I work much faster when I'm on a deadline. * It made me meet other writers and start a regular writers group (can of worms here). * Words flowed and flowed and flowed. * Got to actually meet an established writer there. * Used Scrivener for the first time (they had a NaNoWriMo special rate) What I didn't like so much: * The atmosphere in the write-ins : you've got people talking and not writing; then someone decrees "word war" and everyone types like mad for 15 minutes; then nothing gets written in the next half hour. It's not the most efficient way to write : I'd rather write constantly than in bursts, but that's just me. * I'm not a competitive person, so having other people around didn't help me. In fact, I got the feeling me being there wasn't encouraging to the others. Another writer the first Sunday : "How many words did you write?" Me : "23k" The other writer sighs : "Get out." * When you validate your wordcount over 50k, the damnation thing says you're a winner and stops recording. Bad! Would I do it again? Certainly if events aligned well enough for me to have a book ready to write by November 1st. I might go nano-rebel this year and edit last year's book. Editing 100k in one month should be a real challenge for me, given my low editing speed.

Yes, this is much better than the prologue. I liked Fen overall even if I think he's a bit too stereotyped. It's good to show us someone who is willing to part with tradition, but it's been done and done. Maybe you could add some odd character quirks to make him more interesting. His relationship with his wife made me think of the same situation in one of Joe Abercrombie's books ("Last argument of kings"?). It's definitely a good source of conflict and I hope you can build on that. I would say that the duel scene is a bit at odds with Fen's remembering events with his wife. The two strands are interesting when looked at individually, but I don't think the two story lines mesh well together. I got excited by the duel, then it stopped, then I started to get excited about his marital problems, then it stopped, ... You get the picture. I think it was a nice idea to try it (we all think about strange things while watching entertainment), but it doesn't read that good. My main issue here is the number of characters and places. There are so many I lost count. For an opening chapter, you should limit yourself to about 3 new characters so your reader isn't lost. An editor made me change an early chapter (not even the first) because 3 characters talked about 2 others; you're far above this count. I was also told to drop last names at first because it's like 2 names when you need only one; you might want to do the same here. The same goes for location names : too many makes for a more difficult read. The wooden sword is a nice idea. Last comment : I think the chapter ends too abruptly. The last sentence isn't a surprise for the reader (since we've known that since the prologue), so you can't say you're ending with an emotional response from the reader. You need to put in there Fen's thoughts (one or two sentences) in order to achieve that : we're supposed to empathize with him so show us what he's feeling right there before closing the chapter. On a side note : I'm not sure which font you used, but I found the end result difficult to read (I used OpenOffice; It might look fine with Word). You might want to use something more common, especially if you want to submit your manuscripts later.

We've had another submission a few months ago where gem swords were used. I'll tell you there pretty much what I said last time : gems are useless as weapons. They might be among the hardest substances known, but they're usually very brittle. A well placed hit with a rock (or most metals) can cleave a crystal or shatter it. About the hardness scale : diamond is harder than sapphire/ruby (which are the same despite the different colors) which are harder than emerald which is harder than quartz. The king should have a sapphire or ruby sword, not an emerald one. Two other crystal-related things to mention : * The largest diamond ever found weighted 600g. In volume, that's about a third of a liter, so it's pretty small. You're never going to be able to find a single crystal large enough to manufacture a sword. At best, you'll find smaller crystal assembled together, but that would add to the brittleness of the weapon * There is no way cutting a crystal in a curve is easier than going in a straight line. Crystals are arranged by planes, so it's easier to go along a plane than try to cut through the planes. Also, if you follow the natural shapes of the crystals, you're going to end up with swords which have no sharp edge. Making a sharp edge where one isn't there is going to turn your sword into something even more fragile. Look on the web for an image of a quartz crystal and you'll see what I mean; they're naturally shaped as rods. Oh yes, and crystals of these types don't grow. They're formed deep inside the earth and only come to the surface through earthquakes or volcanoes. You won't find any wandering through a cave and if such a cave existed, it would need to be somewhere with large mountains. Did-I mention I was a crystallographer? Some questions about the story now : * If the ruby blades are so much better than the quartz ones, they must be much more valuable. When Link's men killed the king's guards, they should have taken the guards swords - if only for the money. For those going inside the cave, getting their hands on better equipment meant much better chances of survival when going against the king who had a much better weapon than their standard-issue quartz blades. * I agree Link was pretty useless. Why didn't he jump on the diamond blade while the king was fighting his men and finished him? * The timing described in the beginning seems off. If the king left 15 minutes ago and the scouts reported it, Bern went to see and came back, they must be really close to the king's route. Being that close means more chances for Link's group to be spotted. * A sword isn't the ultimate weapon. As you showed yourself, someone with a superior blade can still be beaten, if only with enough numbers. A king shouldn't be on the frontline anyway. * During the combat, when the king cuts down his opponents weapons, I would expect the resulting shards to fly in the air and still pose a danger to him, yet it seems like they only fall to the ground harmlessly. I agree there are repetitions you should cut out (If I see "Ki Sain" one more time...) and the flashback kind of threw me off the story. Either put it in the beginning or remove it. The description of the rainforest seemed a bit too much here. I thought "here's the obligatory landscape description". There was not much description up until now (which I'm fine with), so the contrast between the two was difficult for me. Now, I'm going to read chapter 1...

I forgot to mention that I think a kid wouldn't tell that taxes are a fact of life. Only an adult would say that.

This is a really good story. I kept turning the pages until I came to the end and then everything stopped. I mean, everything before the last page was good, real good. I loved the humorous voice and the cultural references (even if using "Urban Fantasy" made me read twice - it's much more an industry name than something a reader would use). The trouble came in at the last page : it felt rushed, like there was a word-count you weren't allowed to cross. As a result, the character's actions are unclear in the end and I'm not sure I like the god concept. So, if you can give a bit more flesh to the last 3 paragraphs, it would be great. Aside from that, I thought you used "Derek" 2 times instead of "Caleb" and there are a few word repetitions you might want to remove. The only thing which bugs me story-wise is : why is Grant better equipped to fight the mirror-creatures than the kids? I mean, the kids practiced magic for a long time before being taken, and basically, they taught him everything he knows. Then, why were they trapped (especially Brenda who saw it coming) when he only has to go to the other side and mentally beat his opponents. I think you might say there are some psychological elements favoring Grant, but you'd have to explain that a bit more in the text for me to believe it. It's my only issue. This is really a good piece; I really hope it does well in the contest.

Although I liked the opening "I’m not manipulating you because I hate you, Plous; I’m simply using you because you are a tool.", I found the rest of the paragraph too melodramatic (as are most of Makaur's lines). This line is strong enough to stand alone before we get into Plous' character. I agree about the lack of setting. I waited until Plous mentioning a purse to get an idea of the time period. Up until then, it could have been SF without changing a word. I'm not one usually asking for description, but there, describing Makaur and the setting early on would have helped my reading. You do a good job showing Plous' character and strengths. I find the character likable enough to read on. About the description of his blackmail, you don't need to tell us everything right now. We only need to know he's been dragged into this by his own cook's blackmailing him and that he needs to do the same now with someone else. As it is, telling us how he was blackmailed and what pushed him to enter Makaur's service is just a big tell that the character himself already knows, so I find it's a bit of POV error. Other than that, good job.

Hi, I haven't read the previous version, so I'll only comment on this current draft. I liked the second part much better than the first. For one thing, I love the heist genre and you've conveyed both the action and the characters banter very well. On the other hand, the first part felt a bit more generic to me and much less interesting. Also, I'm not sure that part brings much except a bit of exposition. You've dropped pieces about the setting here and there. Just enough so I don't ask myself questions about what type of book this is or where the action takes place. I feel like you could have put a bit more, but as it is, it works well enough. As descriptions go, this is a level I'm comfortable with, so you don't need to flesh out those. I'll join the other comment that the character is not very likable right now. He doesn't seem to have a big attribute that I might like as a reader and doesn't look very competent. During the break-in, he simply stood there (offering support when asked) and went to search the storehouse. You mentioned he uses his smell, but he doesn't seem particularly good about it either. In fact, I was surprised at the end of the first part to find out he was a thief. He was looking so benign, I had trouble casting him into this role. In fact, you might want to color the descriptions in the first part a bit more to really show us he's thinking like a thief. You seem to like ending your scenes with a twist. One for time to time is fine, but I wouldn't like seeing a twist at the end of each scene. What made me turn the pages was the conflict between members of the team. After the last page, I'm not sure if I'll get what I want or not, but I'll gladly read the next installment.

I'll echo cjhuitt a little here. It feels like the Dias chapters come from a different book entirely than the other chapters. The problem here is that I liked the other POVs and was interested in the world you showed, and when I stumble into a Dias chapter, I find nothing of these here. Right now, those chapters feel like a distraction from the real story, and if I was someone who skips chapters, I'll definitely skip those. Not that they're badly written : they're just not as interesting to me. Now, the ending was fine, with the refugees camp bringing a nice touch (even if I wonder how everyone will eat if the only meat they get is the birds he's bringing in). What I found disturbing was the beginning which feels a little bit awkward to read and passive. For instance, "His confidence in his hiding place was not misplaced." This sentence doesn't help much other than to detract from the action.

It feels good to read one of your chapters again Hubay. I find myself in a strange position here, as I have read all your other chapters from Jhuz and now you're rewinding the story : I already know much about your world and I'm a bit worried that things may look normal to me, and they wouldn't to a new reader. The beginning was a little bit unfocused to me. I felt like I was thrown in the dark with people I didn't know. It took me a while to recognize what exactly the situation was. For instance, you didn't establish right away which viewpoint we were in (and by your description, it was a Lisu viewpoint, so I asked myself who was talking here and why she wasn't). Maybe leading with a sentence or two telling us what Lisu is doing would have helped. Good job establishing her character. She comes out as likable right away (nice touch having her sit before the two patrons). In fact, she might even be more likable than Jhuz who got a difficult start if I remember correctly. After that, she gets on the street and things start to roll nicely. The magic system exposition was well handled, though I wonder if I would have said the same if that had been my first chapter read. For instance, the explanation of the 4 different types of powers was very interesting to me, but I think I would have had trouble reading that in a first chapter. Maybe you don't need to explain too much right away (her knowing there are no reinforcements could be explained by what you showed before, so you can skip explaining that). Scaling that back might increase readability for new readers. I'm still curious about how you will intertwine the viewpoints : which chapter will end up first ? I still have some difficulties picturing the whole, considering the fact that Jhuz's storyline isn't complete yet. I guess I'll have to wait a while to find out.

I'm very worried that this story will prove difficult to tell. I mean, the initial premise is nice, but when I start to think about the implications, I only find questions and not solutions. For one thing, the juxtaposition of modern characters and very archaic ones makes for a hell of storytelling. You can have a book describing Normans, and use almost modern terms there, but as soon as you introduce characters from two different times, you have to show their differences. Someone from the 11th century wouldn't even understand someone from the modern era (he's speaking like in Beowulf if he's English, and the Normans spoke an entirely different dialect than other French people, both of these being completely different from modern French). From what I've seen, your characters don't sound like they came from a different time at all. Uchronia are notoriously difficult to write, needing massive research, and I find your text lacking there. Some of the terms or scenes you evoke didn't even exist back in the 11th century. "Sir", for example, is a much more recent denomination. At this time, "Sir Eric", would have been called "Suffolk" (assuming he ruled over all Suffolk). In the same vein, an 11th century lord wouldn't know a thing about dancing (even the basic court dances started around 1300). Can you imagine a Norman warrior falling in a Jane Austeen novel, trying to seduce a lady by dancing? The whole idea seems a little comical. You also have to show us how much religion colors their view. You had a nice try with their priest being around, but it wasn't much. Then, I have other fears. Those are not about the execution so far; they're rather about the implications of your idea. Others have mentioned questions (like why didn't they go forward in time to cure their mother), but I find myself wondering how someone constantly switching between different times can even make the necessary adjustments. Imagine yourself going back to 11th Suffolk. You have to change language, and culture and stick to it. At the first slip, people will believe you are mad. They will suspect you of witchcraft, and you may find yourself in a very difficult situation real fast. I hope you have thought about all those little (or not so little) things. Something else always bothers me with time travel : why is everyone assuming that while you're in one timeline the other timelines go on and that you have to hurry if you don't want too much time to pass in your original time. I mean, if your bridge links points in time, why aren't they fixed points? Why aren't you going back at the instant you left in the first place?

At this point, I'd be very worried that there are too many similarities between your work and Pullman's : you have a teenage girl with a magical pet spying on a father figure who wants to go on a scientific expedition in the north. And you also have our own world in the mix. Maybe you can try to distance yourself from that, unless you want to draw on the similarities. I read the piece as a YA, so the voice was about right for that age segment. I agree that the speech part was way too complex for that audience (maybe it was too complex for an adult audience even). If nothing on the plot hinges on Adalir (sorry, I almost said "Lyra") hearing the beginning of the speech, maybe she can come in at a later stage before her mentor starts taking questions. I felt it was a little strange that she arrived on time after all the climbing to hear the beginning, so no problem if she comes late. The John Wayne line threw me out of the story. It actually reads like a viewpoint error (which I hate). Now that you've explained it a little, it does make a little more sense, but since we haven't got the context yet, I think it's a little too early to mention this aspect of your worldbuilding. You have a tad too many adverbs (one instance where there are 2 next to one another). I also think you can remove the parenthesis and replace them with comas. The MC bleeding made me stop. It is so rare that I'd expect a woman that age in this situation would actually feel relief at seeing her body start to work as expected. Instead, it only looks like an inconvenience for her. You mention that the bully sends the squirrel on packed dirt. Aren't we on a rooftop? Should be slates or something like that, not packed dirt. Adalir's relationship with her tutor felt a little strange, at least coming from her. He's obviously a father figure, but at times, she treats him almost as if she was his wife. On his side, he didn't seem to make up his mind about whether he was angry at her or not.

First, I'd like to say that I love court intrigue in general, and that it was great to have someone write chapters in that genre. As cjhuitt mentioned, the opening chapter reads a little awkward. It's nothing egregious, though. Since it's been pointed out in my own writing, I try to keep an eye on the use of 'had', and found you were using it a little too often (21 instances in the first chapter + 3 'd at the end of page 2). This lends a passive feel to the writing. I found a little strange that Alena would ask for "the most lavish funeral", since she doesn't know if the treasury can afford it. I'm not sure a ruler in medieval times would have mentioned that : they would expect a ceremony to be organized in the proper manner. After that, we get to the reveal which was very nice. It left me with some questions, though. First, since there can be no vacancy at the head of the state, the council would usually appoint a regent on the spot, even with Meredith's announcement. Furthermore, in those times, the council would appoint a special protector to make sure that the potential unborn male heir was born without trouble (a 'belly curator'). In no way should the council disband this day without seeing to those matters. For chapter 2, I won't go into too much detail, since every one has covered the topic already. What bothers me there is that Alena doesn't seem sure of what she wants. At times, it's almost like she doesn't care either way. She can say to her sisters that she will relinquish the throne is Meredith has a male baby, but since we're in her viewpoint, you should make sure the reader understands what Alena really thinks. You don't have to tell us everything, but show us some pointers. As things are, Alena lost all my sympathy here. I agree that the scene with the map was a big info dump. I think you can reduce the number of things you say there to only what Alena would say to her sisters. The reader is versed enough in reading SF/F so that you can delay exposition of those details. I actually liked that you switched viewpoints to show Irina's viewpoint. I agree that this scene isn't bringing up much, but I loved the idea to have the 3 sisters viewpoints to show us the political, the religious, and the magical views of the world.

Just a quick post while I'm still at the con. I spent a full hour talking with Ian McDonald about the business of publishing. He described in great detail all the elements of the submission package. Here are some elements, besides the well known things we've learned from WE. - work on the tagline. Make it snappy. - the query must include the intended audience : age group, ethnicity, ... If possible, include things like 'people who read xxx or yyy will love this' - the short synopsis must include descriptions for each main character. The best form for this is a noun followed by a contradictory adjective (ex:a compassionate Nazi) this shows the potential for conflict very fast. - short synopsis must answer who/where/when/what/why - long synopsis should be about 10 pages - do your research about agents - never ask for a follow-up before at least 6 weeks - trends of SF, fantasy, and horror are linked. Right now, SF is at the lowest, but expected to rise again. It's best to submit when your genre is on the rise. To do this, he advises to watch the number of book sells in each genre each month (he suggested looking at Locus for this). this way, shifts in the industry are much easier to spot, and you can submit at the right time. - the 3 chapters in e submission package must kick chull. To do this, it's best to end the third chapter in the submission in 'a dramatic beat'. If the current manuscript doesn't include such a scene in the end of chapter 3, don't be afraid to reshuffle the chapters a little for the query package. Yes, the partial can be a little bit different from the complete manuscript, so you're allowed to play a little bit. - have a career plan Doing all this work is necessary not only to submit, but also to be able to pitch the book to editors while at a con. We covered much more, but right now, these stand foremost in my mind. I need some time to reorder things before I make a proper post. I hope you find these useful.

Hi all, Just wanted to say that I'm meeting a well known north-Irish SF writer this Sunday (you might have seen his name on a ballot some place this year). I'll be asking him questions about the state of publication in general and in the UK in particular. If you have questions you'd like answered, feel free to post here. Back to nanowrimo...

Yep, another great epigraph. I have some mixed feelings about this chapter. On one hand, the ending was very interesting and gets the story moving, but on the other, I felt like it took way too long to get there. Somehow, the first part of the chapter felt like it had very slow pacing. Some parts were nice (love the poop-pants), but the story didn't get to move much. I have the feeling I got the sightseeing tour of this place : nice scenery, but too boring. If I compare this to your first chapter's breakneck pacing, this is way too much contrast. Once we get to the actual conversation with Azaerl, things start to get much better. One of the things I like about reading is understanding things before they really happen to the character. In that respect, I was happy to see the snake used after you introduced its effects in a previous chapter. Quite neat. One small ending remark : how does Jimbo know Seiku is female? Azaerl gives no indication about this "old Seiku", yet Jimbo assumes Seiko is a she.

Well, I liked that story much better than your previous one. The characters are much more likable (even the mad one), and I liked the gradual way they each give in to the voices in their heads. Now, my main issue of course is the twist ending. I have this bad habit too when I write short fiction, and each time, my writing group gets frustrated, and they're right : the twist ending, unless very well foreshadowed, only ends up cheating the reader. I know it's hard not to twist, but in this case, I would have liked the story much better without the last scene. As the others, I have my doubts about why people in the future would play such dangerous games with their past. It's sort of like the butterfly effect : changing only the tiniest thing could have disastrous effects. People should only do that for extraordinary reasons, and not to play.

My, that was a nice trailer for the novel! Very interesting setting (love the god's apprentices), with nice prose. I read the 16 pages quite quickly, which is always a good sign for me. Now, as the others said, the one issue is the ending where we abandon the POV character to go see a scene where we don't really understand what was going on. You even let us believe that the POV character is dead, only to reveal later that she's still here (but probably completely mad). Yes, I'm missing some resolution about Aerill. I wasn't disturbed by most of the flashbacks, except the one on page 8 where I got confused when I understood she was meeting Barryl for the first time. The piece was very interesting, I hope you do something with it. Expanding the story looks like a fantastic notion here.

First, I'm not a short story fan, so take what I'm going to say with a grain of salt. The piece feels... disjointed. Things didn't seem to follow a clear path, like they were a stream of thoughts going in no particular direction. Maybe this is me not being used to short stories. I liked the opening (Nice "In late, out early" at work here), but Margaret is a little too abusive, which doesn't make her a very relatable character, which brings me to my central argument : the main character is an utter jerk. He's standing there in his apartment and notices the paintings on his walls while his wife is about to leave him. Who behaves like this really? And this went on and on, like nothing happened. Then, he found his magic, and thought "hey, that will solve all my problems", as if he wasn't the source of most of his own problems, then, it's "look honey, I can do magic". Uh, she's leaving him, and he wants to show her a new trick? This is likely to antagonize her some more. At the ending, all I could think about was "He had it coming". I didn't mourn for Margaret because I didn't like her either. Nope, didn't like the characters. That being said, the prose was fine (if a little too flowery for my taste). I worry a little that some words are understandable only by writers and not the general population, but that's a minor problem.

I must say that if I put myself in a middle-grader mood, the two chapters do their job reasonably well. If I look back at my younger self, what did I look for in a book? * A strong voice, possibly humorous * A fast pace * An interesting premise. Now, were I to rate those two chapters, the voice is distinct and kinda funny (even if at times, it leans a little too much on the fourth wall "love you mum"?), and the pacing is good. The part which is behind the two others is the premise : "little boy has to go to space to save the day" seems a tad overused. My largest complaint would be a certain lack of subtlety. I mean, do the mother really have to do all this to stop her brother in law's blathering? Probably not. I know that the intended audience isn't that old, but they can read between the lines too. Also, that little boy is a little too observant. He really does see everything, even if he doesn't understand what he's seeing, which gives two problems : for once, that's way too much telling, and then, this makes the protagonist look stupid (why doesn't he understand everything, since he already noted all the small details). That being said, would I have noticed all this as a middle-grader? Probably not. I would have been taken by the pacing and would have gone on reading, which is what you want really.

Working up through my backlog. This submission was created before the switch to 17th Shard. Here is the archived topic, including Asmodemon's critique http://twg.17thshard.com/index.php?topic=8438.msg178732#msg178732 I'll second Asmodemon (I'm growing tired to say this sentence) to say that the whole chapter felt kind of weird language-wise. The main problem was, as Asmodemon said the fact that you don't say right out who is talking to whom, so the reader is kept off-balance trying to guess what you're trying to do. The first half page is a flagrant example of this : it's either omniscient, or told from the other woman's perspective, but in no way from the POV character's perspective. As you didn't mark the POV switch with the customary break, I didn't understand we had changed perspective until half a page later when I got a new name. I had to come back and read the scene with a new POV in mind to understand what was going on (it made much more sense this way). When you're switching POV, please tell whose head we're in as fast as possible. It happened during the other breaks, but I was ready for it this time. Some language is also off-period : people in medieval times would never think in terms of percentages (it's actually an advanced mathematical construct). Instead, they would say that the church takes half and the state takes one fifth. All of that aside, the setting is pretty interesting (especially for me who wrote my first novel in a matriarchal setting), and it is very visual. I worry a little that you went overboard with the "let's kill all the poor taxed people" thing, but you certainly got my attention here. For the characters, I was more interested by Kaethe, mainly because Damaris appears so sullen. I hope to see another chapter, that is if you switched forums with us.