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Hmmm lies
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Status Replies posted by Hmmm lies
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These days, I look in the mirror and find myself a man of lies.
I must apologize in advance, I am feeling seriously depressed right now and that is making me dramatic and eloquent; I feel like taking this seriously. At some point I was always going to have to make this decision, and it's not one that I am enjoying making, but I don't really have a choice.
This was going to happen eventually. I am terrible at keeping secrets. Some of you may be aware I have some very loving, very conservative, very controlling parents. I have simultaneously defended and complained about them many, many times, but in the end, they love me very much and want what's best for me. Well, they have discovered this 17thShard account that I have, and they do not like it. I cannot say that everything I have said on here is true. I have time and time again expressed opinions on religion, gender and sexuality, mental health, and other topics, and I can't really say that all of it is true. At my core, I lie through my teeth, supporting things I do not truly support, condemning things that I do not condemn, because if I don't, I won't have any friends. You all would dismiss me as hateful and ignorant and never speak to me again, because in some ways I am. I certainly don't hate any of you. I really can't believe that all of this is just some mental illness or something like that. Regardless, I can't keep pretending to support it in any capacity.
2 Peter 2:4-10 mentions a person from Genesis, Lot, who lived in the city of Sodom, an ancient city legendary for its degeneracy and violence. Lot was a follower of God who lived among these people, even becoming an arbiter or judge among them. In Genesis 18, Abraham barters with God, who is planning to destroy the city for its sin. After some time, God agrees that if ten righteous men can be found in Sodom, the city would be spared. Immediately after, the account cuts to Lot. Two male angels have been sent to his house to warn him about the coming destruction. Lot asks them to stay the night in his house for safety, but they refuse, accepting his food and sleeping in the courtyard. Later that night, a mob arrives at Lot's house. Their intentions towards the angels, or strangers, are not pure. Lot literally is in the process of bargaining away his daughters to the mob, but the angels blind the mob, and everyone escapes. 2nd Peter mentions what Lot was feeling: he was greatly distressed, because he loved all the people around him and yet wanted nothing to do with them. You all are not Sodom. But I certainly feel like Lot.
I cannot continue existing here on the Shard. Feel free to ban me or wipe my account, I can't say I won't care, it will hurt a lot. But I have already made this decision.
After my father specifically violated my privacy, going through my posts, he was immediately shocked at what he saw. Lies. Beautiful lies, from a lonely little boy clinging desperately to some sort of friendship. Very, very convincingly. I cannot justify his anger. I am only glad he held his temper back physically, which he has not done in the past. He is watching, reading through everything I have said, joking or serious, lies or truth, and I'm about essentially stand trial for it. I would like to reiterate that I am 18 years old and would like to be allowed to make my own decisions, but I also would like to have a house and a bed and food and water, and it has been made very clear that enjoying those privileges is not compatible with any form of disobedience.
Maybe I really am a hateful monster. I lie to everyone around me, just to cling to them and get something from them. Even when I try to show love, it's almost another form of manipulation. Are we all manipulating each other? On my way to the library where I am typing this, I passed a mother bird protecting her eggs, sitting a short ways away from the railroad track I was using to travel. I stopped, and watched as any time I drew nearby, she would puff herself up and screech at me. It took me a minute to register that I was the threat. I was the looming, dangerous monster who had not thirty seconds ago been screeching harsh lyrics in the woods at the top of my lungs. Why wouldn't she be wary around me? Everything I touch turns water into blood, I don't look away when the bough breaks, I don't really love, I just hate being alone. I am so very happy my parents have taken away my autonomy, my agency, my knives, so I can't hurt myself. And I hate it all the same.
And when I return to some form of logical sanity, I just remember how self centered I am. It's not about me. I'm in this love hate relationship with absolutely everything in my life. And when it comes time to decide between the two, I will become the villain to you all. My parents will still see me as deceptive, hateful, cowardly, rebellious, and godless. You all will see me as nothing more than a hateful bigot.
There's nothing I really can do to change all this; again, I need a place to live. And in truth, I don't support anything LGBTQ. I really can't say that I believe everything the Bible teaches and say "happy pride month" in the same sentence. A fountain cannot spout both fresh and salt water. That doesn't mean I see any of you any less, if anything, right now I am the worst person on the planet in my own eyes. None of my scant morality, precious philosophy, or arrogant theology means anything without my faith. I cannot continue straddling a line, I have to choose between one or the other- and when my life is completely meaningless without Christ, I will choose Christ.
No matter what any of you think of me, I still love you all, I still respect you all, I still appreciate you all. This is goodbye. Whether something I have said here violates Shard rules or not, I will not be returning. Thank you all so much for these few months. I sincerely wish you all the best.
- Noah.
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Ugh, what do I say here?
Honestly, I feel betrayed. And saddened. I thought, perhaps, we were helping you. That, through this forum, you were understanding more and recognizing other viewpoints. Yet it was all a ploy?
Perhaps it is a flaw of mine: I have difficulties sympathizing with those who don't support people like me. Nearly all of my close friendgroup is queer, so hearing this stuff, it's hard not to feel hurt, for myself and my friends. It feels especially audacious to lie about supporting us just to befriend us, only to reveal you haven't changed your views.
And yet, perhaps a greater system is to blame. Your household sounds terrible, and society is a huge influence. You didn't choose to be born in such a situation where these beliefs would form. It's years of influence that I can't begin to unpack here.
Most people aren't saying things like this, and I give all of the props to them, for being so easily forgiving. But these are my genuine feelings. I see this as pretty messed up, not going to lie.
I, of course, have sympathies for your living situation. That is in no way your fault. And I certainly don't hate you. I just hope that someday you can turn around, and grow to truly support us.
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Thinking of changing my username for the first time (not counting Ookla month)
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Why did I suddenly decide to be active on the Shard today?
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Hey y'all!
I'd just like to tell everyone (especially @Through The Living Girl and @Aeoryi) that I tend to be on the Shard less on weekends, but if you ever want any support from me or have any questions, tag me and I'll show up when I can. In fact, do that on weekdays too, as sometimes I can be overwhelmed by large amounts of posts and don't know what to reply to.
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Hey y'all!
I'd just like to tell everyone (especially @Through The Living Girl and @Aeoryi) that I tend to be on the Shard less on weekends, but if you ever want any support from me or have any questions, tag me and I'll show up when I can. In fact, do that on weekdays too, as sometimes I can be overwhelmed by large amounts of posts and don't know what to reply to.
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Hey y'all!
I'd just like to tell everyone (especially @Through The Living Girl and @Aeoryi) that I tend to be on the Shard less on weekends, but if you ever want any support from me or have any questions, tag me and I'll show up when I can. In fact, do that on weekdays too, as sometimes I can be overwhelmed by large amounts of posts and don't know what to reply to.
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PFPx2
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PFPx2
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PFPx2
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Alright here
SpoilerOk so in 2011, a young adult named Toby Fox had a fever dream about the ending of a video game that didn't exist. It affected him so much that he decided that he needed to make this video game a reality.
Now, Toby already had video game design experience, namely through a few ROM hacks for Earthbound. However, this would be far bigger than anything he had ever made before. He began to try and plan this out, but realized he didn't have the time and money. So he made a Kickstarter.
Was this Kickstarter for his dream game? No. He wasn't ready to take that on yet. Instead, it was for Undertale, a game nearly entirely by his design. This game, I strongly recommend anyone play. It is a brilliant deconstruction of certain RPG tropes, contains an amazing story, as well as a great soundtrack. (It's like $10-15, and available on PC and consoles)
Undertale was a huge success. But this wouldn't be the end. Two years later, Toby Fox made some ominous tweets, and released Deltarune. Or rather, Chapter 1 of Deltarune, for free.
You see, Deltarune was his dream game, and it simply couldn't be released all at once, that would take too long, as his ambitions were huge. So he released Chapter 1 as a demo.
Now, at the time, we didn't know how many chapters there would be. Not until Chapter 2 came out by surprise 3 years later, also for free. (It was originally going to be paid, but COVID made Toby decide to make it also free). The Chapter Select menu was added to the game, and it looks like there'll be seven chapters.
A whole 5 years later, and Chapters 3 and 4 were released, for $25. Note that purchasing them will also give one all future chapters when they come out. Speaking of which, Chapter 5 is planned to come out the second half of 2026.
But what is Deltarune? Well, like I said, it's an ongoing RPG game, so many theories and stuff are still being made, such as around the mysterious figures that I was talking about. And it's amazing, I think once it's done, it'll be better than Undertale. It delves into the very nature of stories, prophecies, and (slight spoiler, click if you need more convincing to play)
SpoilerDeconstructs the relationship between protagonist and player of the video game
Just like Undertale, it's got a great story, great music, and (forgot to mention) lots of queer people. The gameplay on both games is also really good, but not the reason one plays them. (Though Deltarune's is better) I quite recommend you play Undertale first, because it's also one of the best games of all time IMHO.
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PFPx2
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PFPx2
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Remember? That was one of my lies. You asked for "more lies" so I gave you one. My pfp being the Regent from Slay the Spire 2 is completely false in every way. (Inspired by @Through the Living Wrath's pfp being the Necrobinder from sts2) My profile picture is actually a horizontally stretched fanart of Noelle from Deltarune. (she is very gay)
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PFPx2
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PFPx2
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PFPx2
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I want you all to know that Slay the Spire 2 is flippity floppity awesome
like
freaking so awesome
thats all I have to say
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I want you all to know that Slay the Spire 2 is flippity floppity awesome
like
freaking so awesome
thats all I have to say
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I want you all to know that Slay the Spire 2 is flippity floppity awesome
like
freaking so awesome
thats all I have to say
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Well I think the issue is that the later elites are too easy, not that early elites are too hard. Compared to the Gremlin Nob and the Lagavullin, the Phrog Parasite fits right in.
But yeah some elites could use more spice, like Soul Conduit and that triangle one.
I do think the normal enemies are more interesting and fun in this game though.
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Am I half straight or are bi peps half straight
or are we both half straight
deep thoughts guys
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I want you all to know that Slay the Spire 2 is flippity floppity awesome
like
freaking so awesome
thats all I have to say
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Oh I thought Xecnar said something specifically about StS 2, I know who he is. (Also his record got beat by 1 I'm pretty sure.)
Anyway, he's obviously amazing, but I prefer to get more wins per day then wins per run. I like taking risks early, while for him a single loss is complete failure.
The Regent's most powerful archetype in my opinion is Forge/Sovereign Blade (Source: It looks cool).
The Silent was the first character I won with, but she's still weak early game, like in StS.
And like also, I've seen Xecnar's tierlists of cards, and a lot of cards lower might be weak, but they're also fun. I'd rather try all the archetypes rather than going for the same stuff again and again.
I really like the new art and animations by the way. Some people don't care but I think it makes this game look so much better than the original.
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I want you all to know that Slay the Spire 2 is flippity floppity awesome
like
freaking so awesome
thats all I have to say
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I haven't been following the community but yeah Necrobinder is pretty OP. Still, she seems more fun to play than the Watcher honestly.
And she's the hottest. (admittedly the Ironclad is probably actually the hottest, because his blood is literally burning but whatever)Haven't done multiplayer yet, but I will. (I've played the StS board game, and that was super fun)
Lore is peak.
Right now, the Regent seems to be the most difficult for me, but I'm sure I'll get it.
Defect reworks are peak
Sly is a peak keyword, discard decks are actually viable now
My biggest issue with the balance isn't Necrobinder but rather that I feel like rare cards are too abundant.
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I want you all to know that Slay the Spire 2 is flippity floppity awesome
like
freaking so awesome
thats all I have to say
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PFP (yes like)
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hey what does attraction feel like?
cuz idk if I'm attracted to women even tho i thought i was. idk what was gender envy and what wasn't and now i hope I don't end up being attracted to guys. but also i might be aro and/or ace.
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haha 67 rep
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