Weaver of Shadows

“No, you aren’t. You’re a good person. I’m…me.”

He stopped abruptly. He hadn’t thought about that but…well maybe there was a reason they’d gotten along so well. And now he was ruining it. ”I disagree. I think you’re amazing with people, or at least with me. You’ve shone more kindness in two days than anyone had for a year.”

Questions are always good. If there’s something that she likes, ask specifics about it, people like it when you show interest in things they’re interested in.

“Do you really want to know?” He laughed again, a cold, uncaring laugh. He didn’t care if everyone heard, it was best they found out now. “I’m bad with people, that much is obvious. I’m a disappointment to my father and siblings. The people closest to me get hurt. I’m not dependable.” He pointed to Roy. “He’ll tell you that much. I didn’t abandon Kylee, but I didn’t save her either. Do you want more?”

She liked who he was? No…that wasn’t possible. She only liked who she thought he was. “I…I don’t really understand either. But I do have a lot of reasons to be sorry. I’m just surprised you haven’t found them out yet.”

Edgar put his in his pocket immediately. “No.” He laughed, a brutally, terrifyingly honest laugh. “There’s a lot of things,” he said, quiet enough that no one else could hear. “But right now I’m especially sorry for who I am, and for making you hurt because of it.”

He rubbed his nose. “That seems useful.”

She was smiling back. Well, it seemed more like a half-smile, but that was better. “I will…I really don’t trust him. I wonder if there’d be a way to get him off this quest. Not killing him, another way,” he whispered back. She looked like she’d been having a rough time too…he’d made that so much worse for her. “I’m so sorry Jenny.” He looked at Aaron. “What?” @Scars of Hathsin

“It’s not too hard to learn, it’s mostly just getting used to the weight. Though, it might be different against people.”

“Kind of. It’s pretty close to the ones I used at home.”

He sighed. “Ok.”

What was it she’d said before? Those flowers were deadly if ingested, that was it. Was she…trying to get him to kill himself? He took the flower, looking at it. How easy it would be to swallow, then it would all be over. That would be better, wouldn’t it? And that’s what Jenny wanted. He shook himself out of the trance he’d been in. This was Jenny who had given him a flower, she probably thought it would help. She…she didn’t even understand what he was thinking about, did she? Yet she was still trying to help him. She was still his friend. He looked her in the eyes. “Thank you.” There was emotion in his voice again, he seemed almost back to normal.

She knows you lied to her. She doesn’t trust you. She hates liars, she hates you now too. But it’s for the best, you know that, don’t you. That way she doesn’t get hurt. And you can go back to feeling how YOU DESERVE TO FEEL. Edgar actually whimpered slightly at that. Not happy, not sad, not angry, not excited. Nothing, you don’t deserve to feel any of that. So let her hate you.

“No,” he said, voice quiet and choked. Hide, don’t let her see, don’t let her know. You can, what’s another hour, what’s another day, what’s another year. What’s a lifetime of hiding, it’s easy enough. His face hardened, the tears gone completely from his eyes. “I’m fine.”

Finally, he looked her in the eyes. In his eyes, there were tears, only held back by a lifetime of hiding them. Don’t let her see, don’t let her hurt you more. You know you don’t deserve to have a friend. Everyone would be better off without you. You know that.

“But I need to,” he whispered, loud enough for her to hear. “You can’t keep avoiding it, and it needs to happen soon.”

He slid in next to her, once again avoiding looking at her. He didn’t notice her worry, as he was looking everywhere but at her.

He gave it to her. “Go ahead, try it out. Kill me while you’re at it, actually.”

He followed her, head bowed, shoulders slumped. He didn’t want to move, didn’t want to think, didn’t want to be. Jenny didn’t need him. No one needed him. What was the point then, the one person that had ever needed, he’d failed. It was best that people not need him.

“Yeah, fine,” he said, looking at her finally but not meeting her eyes. He threw his knife, and there was anger in the way he threw it. His voice was still flat.

“That’s good, that’s good,” he said, almost without emotion. She had another friend, she didn’t need him anymore. He still didn’t look at her.

“Yeah, fine,” he said, not looking at her. His voice had a similar tone to that of when he was talking to Roy, though not nearly as severe. He quickly tried to return his voice to normal, but was only somewhat successful. “It liked like you and Harold were getting along well.”

Edgar looked over again. The gray sisters, that would work. He remembered who they were, he could go answer. He almost did, but something stopped him. He didn’t want to be over there right now. He went back to throwing his knife.

Daniel points towards the still smoldering area.