kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ

update on the show choir situation

lists came out last night, as many of you are probably aware

i made our girls group again, which is fine

the part that hurts is that every single other person in my audition group/immediate friend group moved up to our varsity group except me.

it feels like they moved on without me.

i will be fine, but i’m not ok right now and probably won’t be very active today or tomorrow as i need time to process. 

i knew my audition wasn’t as good as i wanted it to be, but i just guess i thought i still had a shot especially because there were so many open spots this year, and our audition group was really good, but not too good where i looked bad. unless that’s what happened. i don’t really know exactly where it went wrong; i’ll be going in for audition feedback after spring break is over.

i’ve been deflecting with humor so far because i don’t want them to feel bad. i’m really proud of them and i really am happy for them that they made it. i just wish i did too. especially because i lowkey have like separation anxiety lmao. 

i do still know people in my group. i have a few friends. but they’re not in my main friend group, and to be honest, it’s really scary to be the only one who didn’t move up because now we’ll have all these rehearsals and these bondings and shows where they’re together and i’m not with them and what if we grow apart and all that crap

i’m just hoping for good blocking this year, which i expect will happen if i work hard enough, especially cuz our choreographer tends to put upperclassmen closer to the front

i’m also really hoping maybe i can get a solo because i’ve been so close so many times and i think now i kind of have an upper hand because i’ll be an upperclassmen and i’ll have been in the program for longer and i’m taking voice lessons now too so

i also hope our show theme is good and that the group is good because there are a few names on the list that i’m just like “………..0_0 no please no” so that’ll be fun…

anyway

just wanted to update you guys

moral of the story is i’ll be fine 

i just need to process

and i’m absolutely having my friends over more because i’m gonna miss them so much and i want to have a relationship with them so i need to make up for lost hours  

tryna be optimistic haha

anyway i’m gonna go eat something and take some tylenol because apparently crying until one AM and then only getting six hours of sleep gives you a really bad headache