kajsa ㅇㅅㅇ

*drags hands down face and groans*

So... I kinda knew it was coming. But it's still weird. 

My parents are starting to look at other churches we could try out and see what we like. I think I would have struggled more a few weeks ago, but right now, I think I'm okay, except that I basically get a panic attack whenever I think about the fact that we're really leaving the lds church and going somewhere else. I mean... my whole life has been basically centered around being lds. 

BUT. I trust my parents enough to follow them, especially after the things we've talked about. Don't ask me what they are, because I'm not really supposed to talk about the reasons we're leaving. Just think about like this: You start researching washing your hands, because you're curious about it. And suddenly you learn that it doesn't do what everyone says it does. It washes off the dirt and grime but doesn't kill any germs. Or maybe you learn that it doesn't do anything at all!

Bad analogy, but it was the only one I could think of. Or maybe  you find out one day that the sky was never blue and it's always been orange. 

Anyway, I should probably shut my mouth. 

Also, I'm exhausted of life. I'm not suicidal (though I've had thoughts), I'm just... really, really burnt out. Twelve weeks left till summer break. Eighty-four days. I can do this.

I just wish there was a way I could stop the clock to breathe.