Edema Rue

To the theatre, regarding tomorrow,

And tomorrow,

And tomorrow.

Do I want you?

Tell me.

Tell me!

Tell me what to want, and I’ll want it.

Just don’t make me choose.

I was tangled in your web, so pull me back in. Twist your ropes around my neck, bind me to you, and I’ll stay.

Just don’t make it my choice.

Don’t release me, for then I have to wonder.

Do I want you?

Do I want all that you offer?

Do I want your world?

Do I want to build a jeesh of your cast?

Should I want it?

I think I want you.

No.

No, I know I want you.

But I still wonder. Because you are the entryway to a world of glittering skies, of love and loss and terror and treachery. 

You are the gateway to the world I’ve always thought I wanted.

But there are parts I never expected. 

Parts I’m not sure if I want. 

Can’t I just have you?

Can’t I just have the beauty without the pain?

Just once?

I’m not mad at you.

I don’t blame you.

I just…I can’t stand in the entrance forever. 

So do I step forward? Or do I run away?

And why must I choose?

For today, I am with you.

For today, we can be at peace.

But tomorrow is coming.

Cages or wings…let them fly.

I want a cage. 

A cage is safety. 

A place with no choices. 

Will you be my prison, love?

Will you hold me tight and never let me go?

Will you give me walls that I can rail against without fear of what’s on the other side?

Will you clip my wings so that I don’t ever try to leave?

Will you do that for me?

I don’t know what I want. 

Just that I want you.

But…

But what?

The choices of today can’t be made tomorrow.

Tomorrow, there are more choices.

Tomorrow, I will need to become something new,

Or you will destroy me.

It hurts, love. 

And you aren’t here to take away the hurt. 

And that hurts most of all. 

Rue