Edema Rue

To the theatre, regarding them:

I am tied

So tightly

To the outside of your wall

That I can never make it in, and I can never search for another place to call home.

You are my comfort,

My solace,

My dreams,

And my destruction.

You are everything I'll never be; you are everything I've ever wanted to be.

You are their home, and they are the one thing I want more than you.

Without belonging, there is no purpose behind the pain.

Without them, there is no reason to keep pushing through the hopelessness.

Without love, all of life loses its luster.

Without care, I have no reason to make the tears stop flowing.

Without them, I have no reason to keep loving you.

At least, that’s what I tell myself.

But the truth is,

Without them,

You are the only thing I remember how to love.

When they weren’t there to hold me,

You swept up the broken remnants of my heart,

And you put me back together,

And you let me rest within your embrace.

Through the beauty of the art. 

For you are more than a family.

You are more than a team.

You are more than a home.

You are the theatre.

You are the place where the world falls away,

And the place where they fall away, too.

You are the place where there are no myths.

You are the place where it is possible to be anything.

You are the place where reality becomes irrelevant, becomes second to the show, to the performance, where it matters not who cares and who doesn’t. 

You are the place that can heal me without ever giving me more than you give anyone else.

You are the place where it’s all just pretend.

And I live for the pretense.

I live for the fake.

I live for the lies.

I live…

I live for them.

But they aren’t here.

And you are.

They forgot me.

And you can’t forget anyone.

I want them.

I want them.

I want them.

But they don’t want me.

And maybe you don’t either,

But you tied me to your wall

And I’m tired of trying to break free.

And maybe there’s somewhere better…

But I can’t leave the life you give to my dying heart.

I can’t leave you.

I can only love you,

And hope that someday you

And them

Will love me too.

Rue