InfiniteInsanity

I have done some organizing of myself and how I think about myself. If you don't want to read it don't you're absolutely fine to skip over this SU.

I think I mainly have three settings.

• High Energy

• Low Energy

• Off

The setting I'm in does follow some patterns.

The weather will affect it. 

The season affects it.

The more light around me the higher I'll be. 

Same with color.

I don't know what any of this means or really what to do about it. I just noticed it recently. Some of you on here know me in real life and I don't know how this will affect y'all. 

However I think that for the future this is how I'll respond to questions about how I'm doing. High, Low, or Off. And I'll put it down somewhere or link it so I can find it to explain as needed. Also note if I'm being honest unless I'm in Off I'll probably say High or something like it because yeah. 

For anyone wondering I am currently in High. I get to see people and get out of my house tomorrow and I am excited. Even if something happens and none of that stuff actually happens I feel good now and will when I get up in the morning. It's also why I can type this out and put it somewhere.

Y'all are amazing. Thanks for letting me ramble this to you. Know that I appreciate it and you greatly even if you don't read this all the way through.

Have a good night! Or day! Or any sort of in between! 

Merry Christmas y'all!!

The daytime was great!

I had fun and got some nice things and I got to buy my parents gifts this year so that was fun for me.

But then the sun set...

And all my emotions just sort of went *poof*.

And now their gone.

Yup.

And along with them went my motivation.

Maybe I'll find them again tomorrow.

I almost forgot.

Thursday night I was upstairs finishing up a recording so I could stay home for most of the day yesterday and I had an idea. 

If I burned the edges of a piece of paper it would look cool and I could write a poem on it and it would be fun.

That didn't go too well...

At first I was able to burn it and put it out without anything going wrong.

But on the last corner it was like really on fire.

And instead of blowing it out my breath was feeding it.

And it engulfed the paper which I dropped on the floor and was able to put out with water.

Nothing except the paper burned.

My parents know a piece of paper caught on fire and burned cause I put it too close to the flame and I put it out and everything's fine. But yeah.

And my parents think all my stomach problems are from eating raw cookie dough. Which makes sense and sounds about right. And I'll admit I thought of it before and while I ate said cookie dough but I didn't really care. It was my cookie dough. I bought it. No one could tell me what to do with it.

Anyways how are y'all?

I don't want to sleep.

That feels too much like giving up.

I have words I want to write.

But it's like... I don't even know what time it is anymore.

I don't want to be awake.

When people find out they'll scold me.

And my thoughts are running in circles

And I did most of the math stuff so I can get a semi good grade.

Please don't yell at me to sleep. I'm gonna go write poems.

Sorry.

Showchoir hangover is such a real thing. 

I'm so tired.

2 shows and 1 clinic plus a full day of school.

And then our jumpsuits are covered in sequins so I am covered in tiny cuts and scratches.

All our groups did 4 of 5 songs last night.

Everyone looked awesome and did great.

It was fun.

But now I'm tired.

Y'all.

I can not read the scudding board.

It's Calculus and I'm already lost enough.