Um weeeeell I get crushes but I don’t really like the person. When I get “crushes” I usually pick someone I think is nice and looks alright so I have a name when my friends are all “who do you like?” “So-and-so is so dreamy”. I make sure however that I pick someone who is wayyyyy out of my league so I never have to say yes (or no) if they ask me out (I hate hurting peoples feelings). I don’t think I have ever actually had a ‘real’ crush. I didn’t realise that I was doing this until very recently.
However, I do want to have a romantic relationship. Snuggling, watching movies ect. But only with someone with whom I have a good friendship with first, who I know and trust with everything. I want my prospective partner (if that ever happens) to be my best friend. We can be all ‘lovey-dovey’ but also talk to each other about everything. Including mental health. But, sometimes I’m not sure if I even want the romantic bit or just the really deep friendship.
I realised this all because I was told by my ‘crush’ that they liked me and wanted to go on a date. I froze up and just said “sure” because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings and they are a super nice person. I convinced myself that I could be like Golde in Fidler on the Roof and learn to like them if I just spent some time with them. I didn’t and now my life is even more confusing than it was before.
Bleh I wish everything was more simple.