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I take a breath. The air is hot and stuffy. It feels like less oxygen and more sweat. There are bodies pressing up against me. I take another breath quick and shallow. I can no longer feel the bodies, it is just one hot mass squeezing me on all sides. The mass is jumping now, up and down. It forces me with it my head hurts with the noise pounding it my skull. I can feel the bodies again. I am shoved from one person to another ricocheting like a pinball. My toes are trampled and my shins scraped and kicked by legs from the bouncing mass. I try again to breathe but the moist hotness in the atmosphere is overwhelming now. The air won’t fill my lungs. I panic as I continue to be buffeted around. An elbow to my ear stings and the pain pushes me over the edge. My breath won’t come now I open and close my mouth but now even the hot air won’t come. I squeeze my eyes shut. My head pounds and the screaming mass seems to writhe and squirm around me, everything feeling rancid. It feels like this oppressive feeling will never end. Then the music and yelling fades, I open my eyes and think the mass sinks down around me and I am left standing isolated. I try to breathe again, I am relieved at the tiny raged gasp of hot air that greets me. That’s when the hand reaches out. It grabs me and tries to pull me down again. I feel the panic start to steal my breath again. I steel myself, tears coming to my eyes as I strain against the cold gripof those fingers. I strain to keep myself upright, pulling with all my strength. My breath is gone again. I am completely and utterly alone all I know is the deafening silence and my struggle with that cold hand. Then, it breaks. The hand’s hold on me is severed and the mass around my ankles fizzles into nothingness. The next breath I take is cool and clear, my headache fading, I blink. It’s gone. I am safe.
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That's pretty scary
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Yeah it was. It was over pretty quickly so that’s good but my feet, shins and mind bear the marks of my terror, fleeting though it was. I think I might have anxiety but idk. Anywayyy happier stuff… puppies , kittens, the smell of old books, a warm fire in winter, the cold adrenaline you feel when you’re on a stage about to perform, sunshine, dew in the morning grass.
im all good :]
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Yay!
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