Lord Gregorio

Ya. It's very unsettling.

12 hours ago, alder24 said:

Although space is an eternal nothingness, it is filled with everything.

Indeed. And everything fills it, or...something. Oh wait, that's the same thing as what you just said. Oh well.

I just thought of something, maybe it's been mentioned here, but how can one be disproportionately excited about space because your excitement will never be big enough. Space is basically eternal nothingness as we understand it.

I know what's happening, and I'm still confused. I'm not gonna even try joining the conversation. I've been AWOL for too long.

2 hours ago, Frustration said:

Update: This is just the funniest video

That is all

OOh. I love Shadiversity. Somehow I've never seen this video. It has Oz so it's gotta be good.

5 hours ago, Morningtide said:

Ya this sounds about right. 8th grade is imo the peak of the immaturity (no offence to anyone here in 8th grade. You're probably different :D)

I honestly think 7th is the worst, but maybe that's personal experience. I do think it's one of the two though.

"A goat in motion stays in motion unless acted upon by an outside force."

"To any goat there is always an opposite and equal goat." 

Um. Ok. Not sure what to think about that, but it looks like a cool name.

441.3/450

It's the uh, scribble thingies. Yes I KNOW it's important, maybe. Just can't remember. Pretty cool though.

9/10

"But goat is not made for defeat. A goat can be destroyed but not defeated."

1 hour ago, The Wandering Wizard said:

It's a song by a instrumental group called Two Steps from Hell. They've got some really good music, some has vocals but no cursing, mostly chanting of sorts kind of . I'd highly recommend them. 

*Learns Ein musikalischer Spass*

AYO! I listen to them for book writing due to BrandoSando saying something about them on the Intentionally Blank podcast (I think it was that podcast). They're great.

Also. I'm back from silence! I have returned to not win this Forum Game, yet to participate.

On 4/11/2023 at 8:37 PM, Caela said:

Always willing to discuss NF!

what's your favorite song on the album??

I like HAPPY. Though it's also extremely sad. MOTTO is funny and HOPE is just awesome. MAMA's good too.

If I had to choose I'd prolly choose HOPE.

Yourself? 

I live in potato land. 

Um. I was going to say something. But nevermind. I'm too tired to try to edit it to what I was really thinking rn. I'll just say I'm really behind on every thread on here.

Flirting can be almost anything. Sometimes it's dangerous to people's health.

On 4/17/2023 at 8:04 AM, Shining Silhouette said:

Last night we had a fireside for youth with my Stake president's dad, who was Mission President in India. It was one of the most spiritual experiences of the past year for me. 

Guys, I'm so excited for my mission

I'll probably be leaving for mine before the end of this year. Though I dunno for sure. 

5 hours ago, Being of Cacophony said:

ok, no. That is not in any way why I hate her. I have a whole list in an SU, I'll find it and edit it in here

EDIT: Found it. ok. real quick disclaimer: so, all of this is personal opinion, this is how it seems to me. i don't want to debate on this please, but I don't like her and here is why

  Reveal hidden contents

• all her relations are no give, all take. Even her and Adolin is based on him giving her emotional support
• she's super naive
• her quips aren't funny
• she's predictable
• her arc isn't as cool as the other POV characters
• one cannot choose to have DID (dissociative identity disorder), but she did
• until RoW (i think, it might have been OB) she constantly flip-flops between Kaladin and Adolin
• her perspectives take time away from people doing stuff that I care about
• I basically only read her chapters for Hoid and Pattern and Adolin
• She doesn't do anything as far as I'm concerned (WoK: Kaldain and Dalinar have multiple fights, taking on dozens on enemies at once, running a bridge towards a flock of incoming arrows while Shallan eats jam.  WoR: Kaladin 2 vs 4's shardbearers, and 1 vs 1's Szeth, Dalinar is on the verge of discovering the game that Odium is playing behind the scenes. Meanwhile Shallan sneaks around at night giving people money.        OB: Dalinar didn't actually do much until the end, but that climax is the best written in fantasy that I've ever seen. Kaladin fights off Yelig-nar, a being with all ten surges bonded to a man we've hated since book one. Shallan spends all book in a downward spiral, accomplishing nothing.                                                                RoW: Kaladin singlehandedly is saving Urithiru, Dalinar is mostly absent, and Shallan is sitting in a box looking at people's faces.)
• Shallan in WoK is just Jasnah's plot from an outside view so we avoid spoilers
• There were better people for a female POV (ie, Jasnah, Navani, etc)
• Her first arc is based on theft, which i can't root for
• She doesn't show respect

 

Lol. That list is pretty good. Don't agree with all of them, but that's fine, but it's still pretty relatable. Shallan is a good character, mostly, she's just so unlikeable.

2 hours ago, Kajsa said:

This is pretty good so far! Here's what I understand:

14 year old Nelt (love the name by the way, super creative and such a mood) is learning to be a Hunter, and Annete is his teacher. He belongs to the Wolf tribe, who have advanced senses of smell. He enjoys being in the forest that others consider dangerous, but he finds it a good place to rest. He possesses special daggers called Fangs that match exactly, down to the metal they're made of. He and Anette have a familiar relationship and have known each other for about four years.

Questions I have that could be answered in the text:

-Is he a form of werewolf?

-What is a Rune, and how does it relate to their destinies/paths in life?

-How old is Annete? Is she just his teacher? A friend? A love interest? I'd like to see their relationship a bit more clearly.

-What does the forest look like? What makes it so dangerous? What do the trees look like--bare or not? What's the weather? You could probably hint at a lot of this in a few compound or complex sentences, and I think it would engage the reader a bit more. 

-What do the Fangs look like? Are they curved?

-Nelt thinks about how his dad won't ever see how great of a Hunter he'll become. Did his father pass away? If so, I think that could be a bit clearer.

 

A few other areas for improvement that I noticed mostly had to do with consistency (also redundancy) and punctuation. I noticed that you had a lot of simple sentences that could be swiftly reworked into more complex sentences. That might grasp the reader's attention better than having lots of smaller ones.

There were also a few instances of comma and apostrophe misuse, and you used Nelt's and Annete's names a lot when they could have been subbed in for pronouns. I think those are the only grammatical errors I saw.

 

Overall, especially for a first draft, this is very good! I'm really intrigued about this world and excited to know more. I'm already wondering about what adventures Nelt goes on and other characters he'll meet! The only pressing issues are grammatical, as most of my questions can be (and probably are) explained later on in the novel. I hope this feedback helps, and I hope to see more of Nelt and Annete in the future! Awesome work, Lord Gregorio. :high-five:

Eyo thanks! There's a bit more to the story. Maybe I'll keep adding to it. I've got quite a bit on it but it's a bit dry. Definitely needs some edits later.

NF's new album.

*I eat a pie, instantly bringing this rp back to not quite life.

Don't know who Aarick is, but he sounds obsessed with toes.

12/15

On 4/3/2023 at 6:09 AM, Cruciatus_heart said:

Unpopular opinion: in this world, ambition or a thirst for power is often looked down upon. You'll find an example of that in many books (such as Bartimaues) where his ambition leads to his downfall 

Why? Why do we as society look down upon the urge to better ourselves? (i know many dont feel this way, i mean anti heros and underdogs exist) (but still) 

Why do we shame wanting more? And being willing to work for it?

 

Because as I think Mason stated above. As humans, ambition often leads to destruction and evil wishes. Ambition can be good, but a thirst for power is most often not. Pairing the two together is often what results in destruction and what is bad. 

It's not necessarily the urge to better ourselves society or people look down on. It's the pairing of ambition and thirst for power. The pairing of ambition and humility or charity or love is a much better pairing/grouping. This can result in self improvement along with the ability to stay morally pure. As well as being looked at as a good person.

Helping others is often as good a way to improve yourself as going after power, even better probably.

This is where religion comes in really handy, because a lot of religions acknowledge that serving others is better for self improvement than serving yourself.

24 minutes ago, Argenti said:

I apologize if this is offensive but is "Mormon" a like psuedo slur? I've seen some people react with hissing and I'm just curious.

No, you're perfectly fine to ask. We all understand the confusion. 

It's just not representative of our religion. Joseph Smith (Our first prophet in the latter-days) translated a book which is titled the Book of Mormon. So people called The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints the Mormons because it was shorter (hence easier to say).

We've been told it is better to use the longer version because it represents our beliefs better.

Mormon was a prophet in the olden days, sort of like Moses or Noah. We don't worship Mormon, that's why you hear people say, "Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints" to correct someone saying Mormon (in a terribly written nutshell).

On 4/4/2023 at 0:08 PM, Wittles of Shinovar said:

and now the weather...

 

I liked the talks about patriarchal blessings. I decided to read mine again, and there was just this sense of peace that I got that I haven't felt in a long time. It was only for like a minute, but it was definitely a really special moment

Patriarchal blessings are awesome. The revelations or whatever in them kind of shift (in your own perception) to apply to the current you. I love mine. Definitely worth reading every week to feel the spirit and feel that knowledge that God is there watching you.

I now gather quotes from dying people. Yaay.

42 minutes ago, Tani said:

President Nelson didn't say someone else...

True. I was thinking of myself though.