shortcake

today was an okay day. our family therapy person came over, and thankfully, i didn't lash out at her.

my grandmother, brother, and I went to the craft store :3

I got:

• four things of looped yarn to make a blanket (I thought it was going to be too much, but it was wayyyy too little lol)
• 41/2 yards of soft fabric (i think it's called fleece) (2 1/4 of mint green fabric, and 2 1/4 of white and gray-speckled fabiric) so i can make a tie blanket with my brother (he got some Minnisota Vikings fabric, and then some dark gray fabric)
• my grandmother bought me a How To: Anatomy book (thank you, Gma!)
• a black and white-checkered bandana (it's gonna look so good with my black and white "techwear" cargo pants and my tank top that was described as "kidcore" on Amazon :3 )
• a pair of earrings in the shape of a row of hearts (✨GAY!!✨)
• a box of translucent, neon, square smiley face beads (like the letter beads, but smiley faces) (and i wanna make people bracelets now, so if any of ya'll want a bracelet or two (or more lol) just lmk and I'll make you them and mail 'em to ya!)
• some tiny, flat, square plated hematite beads
• some tiny cube tumbled turquoise beads
• some tiny cube quartz beads
• some tiny, flat, chevron-like plated hematite beads
• two raincloud charms that i plan on making into earrings
• two little daisy charms that I also plan on making into earrings
• two ranbow hematite rectangle springs that i want to make into earrings (but are also super fun to fidget with
• a package of 6 necklace chains
• two little rabbit charms that reference Alice in Wonderland (may or may not turn them into earrings
• 3 pairs of the hanging earring piece thingy (i forgot what they're called-)
• two charms of those like, geometric/abstract face things. they look kind of like this:

All in all, I think today was better than yesterday :3

before you read this, I apologize. I apologize that you have to deal with my late-night spiral. You've been warned.

everything is falling apart and i can't deal with it anymore

i cant deal with the stress

i cant deal with everyone complaining about me

telling people they should watch out for me

to be careful with what they say when they're around me

the stupid family therapy people are ruining everything

they pushed my friend away

made her think i was using her

told her that i was depressed

told her that im mental

even though that wasnt even their place

they shouldn't have done that

who gave them the right

to diagnose me as MENTAL

WHO

i wanna know, so i can talk to them personally

because they are WRONG

they promised me that they weren't going to talk about our family to anyone outside of the people on the "case"

and they lied

THEY LIED

and my caseworker made a bold move, telling my grandma that she won't be able to take care of my grandfather one he gets out of Tabitha

they're just making everything worse

they don't know what goes on in my head

no one does

not even me

i don't scudding care what other people think

if i leave and they don't want me to, then screw them

screw them all

i don't want them here

i don't want their help

i can't take it anymore

i want it to be over

i want it all to be over

make it stop

please.

...

i'm sorry.

i'm sorry, because even giving myself more freckles can't take this pain away

it just makes me feel more hidden and cornered

i panic every time i have to roll up my sleeves

work is going to be hell because of it

and this time, i can't use my bracelets to hide them.

i'm surprised no one noticed them tonight

but hey, i'm not complaining about it.

anyway, i'm sorry. hopefully ya'll won't have to deal with this much longer. <3

Happy late birthday, Insa!

So sorry i missed it, there was some stuff happening that i had to take care of yesterday

But hey, better late than never!