Lotus Blossom

so...

yk how i was the only freshman cast in the fall play and then i got into the musical? well now we've closed the last show and casting has begun for the spring play (much ado about nothing)

i auditioned, obviously, because 1. it's fun 2. i love theatre and 3. i've made so many friends there (many of whom are seniors and who i want to spend as much time as possible with)

the audition went so well and i was so happy with it but i noticed that there were many others who weren't in the cast the last two shows

but i was having a lot of fun as i read the sides... the director even laughed as i preformed a joke

i got a callback and went on friday, but that was when i realized the sheer amount of people who had auditioned... much more than there were characters

the rule at our school is that if someone needs to be cut the first to go are the freshmen (because we have many many more productions and chances to be on stage ahead of us)

so i already had a bad feeling

but i thought to myself "hey i got the last two, maybe i'll get something small like first watchman or something"

because i didn't want to think about being cut

so i go in, do the callback, and i feel it going terribly

the scene is losing energy, it's dragging on, the director isn't laughing and the stage manager is staring us down

she dismisses us after that one scene.

it's 3:45.

callbacks started at 3:30.

and they usually go until 6:30.

the freshmen were all dismissed at 3:45.

but i'm still comforting myself, blasting I Will Survive through my air pods, painting my nails

and the cast list doesn't come out

for two days

it's sunday night, finally she sends out an email about how sorry she is and that she'll send it monday morning

i am so stressed, because it's set in finally that i might actually get cut

which is crazy because theatre has been my life ever since school started... i couldn't imagine what it would be like without going down to the basement every day for 3 hours with my favorite people. i would have so much free time, but in a bad way-- all my friends would be busy working on the show and having fun.

now i know not to take it personally because the way this theatre works is that the freshmen need to be cut and the seniors need to be cast (it's just a tradition. they have less time, so that's the rule.)

but once the cast list came out this morning, i still felt as much shock and devastation when my name wasn't on it.

it still hasn't set in, really

but i don't know what to do

this is it.

my last time on the stage as a freshmen was closing night two weeks ago, but i didn't even realize it

and those seniors that i was getting to be friends with will graduate before performing with me ever again

i just got cut off from my friends

in one email.