Thaidakar the Ghostblood

My gosh

There are some days when you just feel beyond burnt out.

That's right now for me.

My gosh, burnt out in so many ways.

I'm tired mentally, I'm spiritually not feeling that great (I don't think I've done anything wrong lately, but I haven't done anything very good either. I haven't really been acting on my faith and even the bit of knowledge that I do have. Anyways, back to the rest of it), I do not want to have to do another math problem this summer, even though I have to so that I can be able to catch up on it. 

I just kinda wanna throw math out the window so that I can focus on spirituality, family, writing and reading. 

If only.

Then there's also the fact that my family moved to this place on the promise that we'd have a job here. We have our dream house, we have all we could ever want, we have our perfect rooms, we're near family we love and some people we knew a few years ago... it's absolutely perfect. Except for the fact that apparently the company that my dad started working for decided that "Yo, we're shutting down the place where you would be working. If you wanna keep working for us, go move to another city away in a few months!" 

I just wanna curl up and sleep for the next decade, praying that I wake up in the millennium so that I don't have to deal with all the madness in the world right now.

Sorry that y'all had to read this, I kinda just needed a place to vent since I don't know if I wanna shout at my family for an hour about something that I know is going to end up alright because-warning, spiritual tangent about my religion and such-I've felt the spirit telling me it's going to be alright and a feeling of peace with it. Sometimes it's just hard for me to accept the Spirit, accept what it's telling me. I love it, I love that feeling of peace, I love following promptings, but... I'm too logical of a person for my own good. With Satan's nudging, I immediately head away from what is being suggested to me towards the more logical, more straightforward path. And I wish that I followed what I'm being told. I wish that I could do it. I want to do it, I've done it before, I've felt that Spirit, I've felt that peace. I just don't feel that peace as much as I thought I was. I'm trying my best, I'm doing what I can, but I'm still a foible human being. It's so hard to accept that when I've seen myself following promptings, doing my best through Christ, having killer scripture studies (in like an awesome way), associating with others in very positive ways, being in the world but not of the world.

I see what Heavenly Father wants me to be, I see what I want me to be, and I desperately want to get there, I want to be able to be there and I'm trying to find the strength to continue that journey to get there. It's so hard sometimes when the things that I'm being prompted about are hounded by Satan and distorted by my own wants. 

*blinks* I thought I was closing that- ah well. Anyways, if you've made it to here, good job. I'm sorry y'all had to read me rambling about my problems.

I wanna go to bed, but family is still here, people are still awake, I can't go to sleep yet...

Cya, everyone. 

Good night.