CherishLarain

If there is still a spot open for the 27th, I would also like to submit something. Its a short story just under 5,000 words. If the spots are already filled, I can do it on the 4th.

@shatteredsmooth thank you for answering my questions! Honestly, I didn't expect a response to all of them. I feel my questions are more of things to reflect on since we are only getting part of the story and I have no idea where the story goes from here. Like you mentioned, somethings will be talked about later on, but reading chapter one I dont know that.

When I read my reflection/feelings are often based on the questions I have about characters and their universes. I look forward to reading more.

@Snakenaps Dang! I knew something felt wrong when I submitted my first comments. I will go in and edit them. Thanks for letting me know!

I agree that your opening line is great but that it does need to be changed. For me, other than learning MC has the ability to learn names, her work place doesn't tell us much versus the scene with her family. Which tells us alot! Also, was I the only who missed that C while the characters around the MC aren't human, I don't have a description of her as human or not? If I missed it sorry.

And as a fan of history, I find it hard to believe there would be rebels to a new ruler when they don't like their old one "whether he treats Pem....was conquered.” In most cases their indifferent (because the war ended) or they favored one side to win (or had hoped for another monarchy to move in). Also, I find that major changes in ruling only happen when there is no other choice or when a monarchy loses control of its land/population (think USA revolutionary war, French Revolutionary war etc). So far, we have only heard that the BK is ambitious, but nothing about his people, where they came from, their culture or how they rule. If the BK took over and then his people were forcing new cultures or religion, I can see an uproar, but in the first chapter I don't see a need to join the rebels and leave your children parentless other than the other king lost and the sister doesn't like change.
 

I agree with @kais that this feels more like a character intro than a first chapter. I also don't understand how a computer class is related to the medical and psy field. Why is she taking that class? Also, I have NEVER attended a class where the TA INSTANTLY knew my name. TA's are cool and fun to hang out with but I kept getting confused on whether or not Me knew the TA before.

I also didn't feel/see any reason on Me's desire to experience normal. Is her other job too stressful? What is her relationship with her family members? From my own experience, I also find it hard to believe that she would desire to be accepted by humans, considering their treatment of the LGBTQ+. Versus in my reading experience (and DND experience), magical creatures have more fluidity in their sexuality. In some supernatural fiction I have read, its almost normalized that they can have multiple partners, the same sex partners, or VERY different race partners etc. So what makes HUMANS so special to her, besides her family being their protecters?

I do look forward to a love triangle between Me and others.

I enjoyed the description/scene inside the crystal. Your descriptions gave me a good visual to imagine what the place looked like.

I don't mind/care they are trying again. I am confused on where they plan on going. Do they know where they are going?

I liked the spooky voices. When they said they wanted their playground BACK, I was like, "wooo tell me more about you and your agenda bad guys!"

I felt that S saying "If I am to be different....." on page 19 very cheesy for this kind of situation.

I felt the opposite of Kai that this is a slow start. If you got rid of the ending of the previous chapter and just had chapter 10 with them gathering together and then leaving, the pacing was ok for me.

I am confused on their motives and why they are there, since S "was given time to think" (p. 4) but I am pretty sure its because I missed the first few chapters of review.

I also really enjoyed S's reaction. It felt very natural. I think many people would react that way.

I enjoyed the relationship between the three characters as well, I do feel that we get a lot of S and I and S and E but not I and E. I am also disappointed that you SKIPPED I's and S's reaction to S saying "I love you"!!! What??! Whyyyyyyyy?? Like saying I love you is always a big deal the first time. Also was it his first time saying to I but not to E? Because E doesn't really react the same as I when S says it later.

I loved the S wanted to stay there for E's mental problems instead of going back and doing their job. However, besides S getting a little spacey, I don't feel the sudden need to try and go back for their mission/group if he wants E to get better. So, I agree with Kai that it doesn't feel needed until we get new information. Also, I found it weird that they would try and leave without their other two companions (X and W) who came there WITH them. Why wouldn't they try to find them first and then leave?

I was confused on who was doing what (or who was on who's team). I also feel that besides the opening text from the Speaker D, you don't learn much about the chapter title. It is introduced to us and then we don't learn anything further about the leaders in this chapter. I also felt that if I saw someone that I knew get eaten and then saw someone appearing to be them that I wouldn't easily look away from them. I would be staring at them like an idiot.

Other than being confused, I did enjoy the way the chapter was written with spies inside of spies and people wearing other peoples faces. Is that a legal and ok thing to do in this universe or is it something that is frowned upon? It was interesting.

Hello Again! 

I enjoy the little quotes from "books/records" that are at the beginning at the chapters. Especially if they aren't from other real published works and are made for the story.

This might be lost on me because I haven't read book 1 or chapters 1-5 of this one, if it is explained somewhere else please ignore this, but on page 19, they are doing a battle with the floating monster and it disappears? I had to go back and read what happened to the monster a few times to understand that they did defeat it, and only they could see it die (change?), and they don't react to this achievement only M sees it but only some of it? I was just confused for a while. And what does it change into? (Again if this is already stated please ignore this).

This was a very suspenseful chapter. I kind of agree with Kais after reading this chapter compared to chapter 6; that the two chapters could be merged together. However, I feel that there is supposed to be some kind of significance in being in HD's home, so it should be kept.

I hope my critiques are helpful. 

Hello!

These are my first Reading Excuses reviews, so I printed out the guidelines and relied heavily on them for this review. I hope my critiques are helpful. 

I like how nonhuman the characters are described and kept being reiterated. A lot of times I feel that nonhuman characters are introduced differently than humans but then become more human-like (in attitude or appearance) later in the novel. The consistency in the characters looks kept me very intrigued and I kept trying to imagine exactly what they looked like. It was fun. 

On page 1 of CH. 6, there is a comment of the monsters being deadly upon contact, how do the characters know this? This chapter makes it seem like these are monsters the characters are meeting for the first time, so I don't know how they would intuitively know they are deadly upon contact unless they see or die themselves.

As a completely new and blind reader, I gotta say that I think HD is shady af in this chapter. I don't know why, but I just felt like I couldn't trust this character. I want to know more.

Also please help me with "Non-maji". How do you pronounce it? I keep pronouncing it like "No-maj" from Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them.