Channelknight Fadran

I cannot express enough just how perpetually sad I am right now.

It isn't even like I'm super miserable and sobbing and suff. No, I'm almost fine - I'm just definitely not.

It's like when you're just sick enough to feel nasty, but not sick enough to feel right lazing around in bed and watching dumb movies all day. Like, you want to be productive and do a bit of homework, but you can't. You're at that perfect threshold of sickness that provides zero room for productivity and a maximum amount of wasted hours.

Like that.

Why can't I just keep going until I break down and cry? Why can't I just get over this already? I can't let myself just lie down and mope, but I'm too depressed to get anything done. It feels like someone locked up all my emotions behind iron bars, and I can kinda reach in and touch them but not enough to grab hold and pull them back out.

This sucks. Life sucks. I'm so bored and so sad and so tired.

So far I've consoled myself by watching Jujutsu Kaisen (which didn't work because I got to the sad episodes), trying to do some RP (which didn't work because I desperately need to write some combat but Pyro keeps expertly dodging my summons to White Iron), reading other peoples' writing (which didn't work because my brain is functioning at 1% total capacity and can't comprehend even the most basic aspects of narrative structure), then burning my eyes out on a computer screen in the dark typing this out (which didn't work because I want to scream but not enough to actually scream and it's bad and it's awful and GAK).

The most wonderful time of the year.