AonEne

DND With Ene and @Blessing of Potency: (and @Ninjacraig721 and @VolatileMagnesium, but they're never on) 

"For all we know non-exploding kobolds are a government rumor!" 
"Look I'm just saying we've never seen an exploding kobold and a non-exploding kobold in the same room" 

"Are you the sane tiefling or the insane tiefling?" 
"I'm not a tiefling..." 

Me: I need water 
Friend: I have eight water bottles! 
Me: ??? nah I'm good - 
Friend: no like new plastic ones. I wouldn't just offer you my hydroflask 
*friend proceeds to pull eight water bottles out of his backpack and chuck one at me* 

"You don't have to look or act like a femboy to get me to see you as a femboy" 

I tried to say "I don't think I can physically do that" 
What came out: "I don't think I'm physically possible" 

"Let me demonstrate my ability to lethally throw this. Luna, cover your face" 
"don't throw it at my face, throw it over there" 
"but that makes noise. you absorb sound." 

*throws a candy at someone* 
"What was that for?" 
"He was being mean" 
"So you gave him candy?" 
"I gave him ATTEMPTED PAIN." 

"You were over there and the wolf just went nom on your back" 
"uh oh you gonna get chomped again" 
"noooooo i dont wanna get chomped" 

The one thing you never want to hear the DM say: Oh goody, I just rolled max damage! 

1: "I'm getting as much meat from these wolf carcasses as I can" 
2: "Okay where are you storing it, this is perishable meat" 
1: "I'll figure that out later" 
2: "...it'll be rotten by then. okay." 
3: "Your perished meat is perishable" 

"I was going to say I can't make a fire cause I don't have the equipment for it. Then I remembered I'm a wildfire druid. Fire's kinda my thing..." - Ene 

"I do that thing you do when there's multiple people moving really slow in the hallway and they take up the hall and you can't get past them so you just tiny-steps speedwalk behind them really annoyed, you know like that *makes little arm motions*" 

"I can't even move!...wait, I can if I treat someone as Difficult Terrain!" "new rule we treat walls as difficult terrain and I can phase through them" 

"Hey Ene have you seen my rulerstick?" 
*looks down at it on the ground right next to him* "...no." 

*discussion of how you'd throw said ruler stick as a weapon*