Trizee

OK,so here's a little discrepancy I noticed a while ago which I think might be significant. In the WOK epilogue from Wit/Hoid's POV, the Herald Talenel shows up, dragging a weapon Hoid describes as a Shardblade: However,in the prelude to the SA, Kalak clearly states that the Heralds' weapons are not Shardblades: So, my question is, how come Hoid doesn't know that Talenel's weapon is a Shardblade. I'm fairly certain he was alive when the Herald's were at large- so why doesn't he know? This led me to wonder how much Hoid actually knows? If he is ignorant of this, what else does he not know? And what would the repercussions be? I thought that in this case, it might lead to misunderstanding in any future dealings Hoid has with the Heralds. Discuss

So, here we are introduced to Inhaken. He won't get more than another one or two chapters in this book, his main purpose is to be a window to what Bezalel is doing. He'll be more important in the sequel. Tell me what you think!

I just realized something else- how come Panther didn't turn into Talon when he fought the guys with the crystal swords?

This Monday please

Ok, because of the abundance of Caleb's critique, I won't say much... First of all, I'd like to say that i think your prose has improved a lot. I can't point at something specific, but the writing just seems less jarring than in your first chapters. Viewpoints+ confusion- I think this is a serious problem with your story. You have a lot of characters, but you don't bother to explain what's going on with them too much. I think you could pull off the many viewpoints if you took the time to make it very clear what is happening to each character and how they realte to each other. Elevator- Why do they work on a pully system in a sci-fi? Work- you say that Panther had the job for 37 days, but then why does he neeed to have the route explained to him? Apostrophes- you forget to add them sometimes, in cases like- the boy's hat Scilain- I'm not sure why he's killing the humans. This is more of the same thing I noticed about your previous work- you have the characters doing things without our understanding why they're doing them. It makes me feel less of a connection to the characters and makes the plot less interesting to me.

And.. since last time: The Sapphire Rose by David Eddings Legion- awesome The Naked Sun by Asimov The Hedge Knight by George R. R. Martin The three Tamuli books by Eddings- The third one(The Hidden City)not one of his best books. It jumps around too much between characters and there is never really a fear that the bad guys will win. But the others are fairly good. The Illearth War and now The Power that Preserves by Stephen R. Donladson. Donaldson has definitely joined my list of favorite authors. His prose is beautiful and his characters are the most realstic and well developed that I've ever seen- especially Thomas Covenant. The way he deals with his leprosy and his being summoned to the land is just fascinating. I would highly recomend these books to anyone- though they do read a bit slowly at some times.

Thanks! Your coment about the snippet from chapter 2 makes sense, I actually wrote it after writing chapter 3, so that might be why that happened, I'll have to fix that. Don't worry, Aken is Loriyya's maiden name, it's mentioned in the previous chapters. Morintaign is pronounced MO-rin-tane, though you could really pronounce it however you'd like.

Here's what I what I liked: Silk Something subdued about the Sun Cobwebs and Silhouttes The Ringing Horn Guenhywvar To Embrace death Stolen Souls Nightwalker TheSadDragon Rublades Swords of the Order akoebel The Fifth Compendium Mandamon Dreams of Dust

Better than the first time, but still needs some work. First off, I agree with everything said here, that being said... Unrelated things- You sometimes talk about things that have absolutely nothing to do with the stroy. You don't really have a reason to talk about Rick's phone or Doctor Phor. POV- There is stil a PoV error in what you mentioned about Valcar. The chapter is from Panther's POV, so you can only tell us things that Panther s aware of them. Therefore, you can't tell us what Valcar said when Panther couldn't hear anything because Panther couldn't hear it. Eavesdropping- I'm not sure why Panther had to listen in on that conversation during the meal, couldn't he use his Partial Gift? Light- What happens when you see something is that the light hits the object, certain parts of the light are absorbed in the object and certain parts "bounce" back into our eye, and our brain forms the image out of that light. Therefore, Fallout wouldn't be able to see if he's bending the light about him because no light gets to his eyes, the same way you can't see through a wall. You have some cool things going on in these chapters, but I can't appreciate them because I don't know why they're happening. If you can tell us why the saboteurs tried to blow up the ship, and why Fallout is following the advisor, we could appreciate the events a lot more. Aside from that, I can tell that this book is well thought out (Partial Gifts are interesting), and can only say keep writing!

Tell me what you think. I'm afraid that Fen might have come across a little whiny in his thoughts about Loriyya, so tel me if you think so...

I'd also like to submit this Monday please.

As to Szeth killing Taravangian, I don't think he could have. Taravangian says that he probably doesn't need to order Szeth not to harm him, and I think he's right. The holder of the Oathstone is Szeth's master, not just soemone he must obey. A master is also someone you have to respect and of course not kill. Taravangian's order not to kill him was superfluous, Szeth wouldn't kill his master anyway. I'd have to say that my least favorite character is probably Spook. He doesn't ever accomplish much, all he really does is complain that no one acknowledges him being part of the crew, and dream about some random girl we don't care about.

I think the Voidbringers might be like elite Parshendi, maybe with certain magical abilities, bein the equivalent of the KR. However, it could just be that the Voidbringers were plain old Parshendi, and the KR were needed to fight the other creatures that came with the Desolations- Thunderclasts and stuff.

The Death of Dragons- Sounds really awesome, makes me want to read it just to find out why the dragons are dying. Ice, Air, Fire, Thunder- Don't sound all that original or interesting, I like te other series names (Dragonprince) though. Name titles- The titles of the DotD books being "name and the x" kind of puts me off, it alll sounds a bit childish. It only works if you have an awesome name (Paradox Flint is pretty good), so I would suggest cutting the name and just leaving what comes after (the x ). Same with the AKA thing, just give it one name.

I also prefer physical books, if only because they're much easier to flip through- I can flip back to look something up much more easily than in an e-book.

That's plausible, but highly unlikely. I know Brandon likes pulling off twists, but usually his twists make things more awesome, not less. Besides, if the KR had difficulty fighting the Voidbringers, I'm not sure what simple Alethi troops could do against them.

I thought it would be fun if we would all post the names of the stories (novels, novellas, novellettes, short stories) we are writing, plan to write, or have written. The idea is that people can say whether they would take a book with that name printed on the spine off the shelf to take a look at or not. And we can also make reccomendations for slight changes. So here's my list: A Clash of Beings (Trilogy) The Winter Wars Light’s Champion A Hope for Stone The People of Indura (Collection) Sword over Spell M King Captain Foundation Sentence Earth and Steel/ Steelwar/ Goldsteel (Can't decide what to call this- tell me which you like most) Kill for Salvation Death Incarnate Facial Paradoxes Narcissus He The Other Humans I’m Not a Witch! Tell me what you think!

I don't know. Drabs aren't really all that different from other people, that's mostly Idris superstition. There are slight differences, but they're barely noticeable. I think it would actually make sense that the rest of the cosmere are drabs, and the Nalthians are blessed by Endowment.

I think Sarene is Sah-ray-nay

Okay, all good points. Fen's weakness- I actually didn't plan for this, but now I think it makes sense that he would be weak. He always wanted to be king and do great things, but his father's death came as a big surprise and he just wasn't ready. He hasn't had much experience wiith being in charge due to his father's distrust of him, and so he can't really pull of the things he would like to (kind of like Elend..). Anyway, I do realize that him taking charge in the council throws us off from that, so I'm changing it so that he needs help from After to break up the fight between Aken and Elad. As for the way the librarians treat him, you're also right, what I wrote doesn't make a lot of sense. Conflict- We do get the conflict in chapter 3 already, but I might be able to bump it up... King's head- Didn't think of that, I'll have to think of a solution. As for crowning Fen on the spot, that would mean telling the people their king had lied to them... that's not very politically sound, the people might just decide to take it out on the king's only son... Fen's feelings- The "Finally" I had him think at the end of the previous chapter was Fen's instinctual first thought when he heard of his father's death. He dreamed of his father dying and him ascending the throne, and so "finally". But once he thinks about it a bit more deeply, we get some confused feelings, mostly becuse Morintaign's death came as acomplete surprise. Its something he always wanted, but now that he has it he doesn't know wat to do with it. That's all I can think of right now- Thanks all for reading my stuff

Okay, since Caleb pretty much covered every aspect of the story, I won't have much to say. Listening- I would assume that Panther's ability to listen in on conversatrions has to do with his Gift, but it isn't very clear within the story, he sort of just hears things that he shouldn't be able to. If you made him concentrate or something like that in order to listen in it would make more sense. Fighting- The bad guys just seem to stand around and let Talon beat them up. Somehow he just walks up to someone and punches a guy with a taser in the face without getting shot. Also, you say that getting tased is like a mosquito bite to him, so why is he worried about getting tased at the end. One other thing is that people keep getting up after he hits them, if he's such a proficient fighter he should be able to take them out in one blow. That's pretty much it (I agree with Caleb about wverything else), so keep writing!

First of all, I'd like to say that I enjoyed reading this chapter. It had some good action, and Madren's character was great. Here's the few issues I had with it. Connection to chapter one- The only indication that the two chapters were part of the same book was the mention of katae. Though they don't need to be totally connected, it might help tp have them both mention something that at least shows us if both events occur on the same continent. Sneaking- You have a lot of sneaking up on people in this chapter. I can accept that Madren can do this since he's an experienced warrior, but I doubt he could climb a tree someone else was on without them noticing. Belris doing this is also rather unlikely. She has no training, is also pregnant and apparently sick, but she somehow sneaks up behind Gaeryl and stabs him with a knife (where did she get the knife by the way?) Sickness- You say Belris is sick, but you don't show any sicklines about her. I was very surprised when you said she's sick, she seemed perfectly healthy to me. Commas- You soemtimes have long rambling sentences with no commas. Put them in. They're important. A few small things- You say that Belris had traveled to their home to live with her uncle- is it home or her uncle's? Also, Madren drops his sword when fighting Hoarth, and then has it again fighting Gaeryl, but you don't say he picks it up. I really liked the whole religion/Shaper thing, I thought it sounded interesting and I'm sure we'll learn more about it as the story moves on.

The Farseer by Robin Hobb, I couldn't get through the first book. I read about a hundred pages and nothing interesting had happened yet. Gardens of the Moon, though I understood its worth pushing through (couldn't finish it the first time), and I plan to try again sometime. Nine Princes in Amber by Roger Zelazny. It was just badly written. The main character sees all these spectacular thing and it doesn't seem to phase him. I put down the book when the author mentioned in passing that a T-Rex walked across the road, and the main character didn't blink an eye.

That was awesomeness incarnate!

Don't worry, the crystal thing is integral to the plot, magic, and mythology of the world.