Nathrangking

Overall I like it, the pacing and rate of descriptions is much better than the other chapters. What I think is happening is that the blind man has been transported to some other demotion or is hallucinating. The commas shouldn’t affect the pace too much, they would just break up the sentence structure. I might not be entirely accurate, but either way commas are still needed for the grammar to be correct in some spots. The descriptions could be kept if you spaces them apart a little in some areas with thoughts/actions from the blind man. Another question: Will the blind man stay the main character for the entire book?

Good guesses on either count. He is our protagonist here and will hopefully be involved in some other fun elsewhere.

Ok, thanks!