Silverblade5

Wonder if Kobold or Twy ever exceeded 30 ppd

Already read it in real time. Pretty sure others might appreciate a compiled version though. Think that came up at some point.

I don't think so, but she will if the Language Arts department is consistent

@Glamdring804 When you used to think 7000+ posts in 4+ years was something to be proud of. When you know better now.

Another peak into the depressing social life of me. Sigh, I should probably not be posting these. Felt like I had to share it with someone though. Whatever. Formatting is same as last time. So…. I had a fantastic day! ( heavy sarcasm) What happened after band? I got home and my mom said we were gonna have a chat when my step dad got home. She told me the social services called her again today while she was at work. And the social service lady at our school told her I needed to stop with all my bull crap. The fainting. The cutting. Everything Is there a way you might be able to check with her to confirm that’s what she said? Your mom might not be telling the truth. Oh no it's not made up. Mom says I'm getting called into to see her tomorrow She also basically told my mom to NOT put me on antidepressants because I just cut for attention Clearly, she’s in a good position to judge (heavy sarcasm) Haha ya I know right? She yelled at me for half an hour. I told her the fainting was not true( anything to make her happy) and that I would never cut again ( again. Anything to make her happy. ) Would a Skillet Song you might not have heard be helpful right now? No. Because my day just got WORSE after band. It was going absolutely terrible all day anyway. I'm just done. What happened before band? All study hall I was talking to Kaci. My sister. And she just told me some stuff. To be careful around you… whatever. Something about having almost been taken advantage of by a junior when she was a freshman or something. Does she think I’m a stalker? No. taken advantage of Alex! I could see why’d she’d think that. But you know that’s not true, right? I’m not trying to take advantage of anyone. Honestly… I don't know what to think anymore but I know you’re a great guy and would never do that to me How does she even know about me? I don’t think we’ve met. Duh of course you've never met. But she is my sister and I tell her when a guy likes me because I always though it wasn't possible. Lol she doesn't go to columbine Neither did I Haha There's more though… but first clear this all please cause this is gonna take up a lot of typing room and ya k neither me nor Kaci have a good relationship,with our father I was talking with her about something. I think my depression and anxiety. I told her about how I remembered I was with my father the night he got arrested when I was 5. Did you know that? That I was with him? Oh ok just checking. I think you told me when you were telling me about your blanket. Well turns out Kaci has known that! She has known that and a lot more since she was 12-13. Her mom told her everything and here I am not a clue in the world. She asked me if I knew what Dad was doing that night… I said I had suspicions and I told her. Drunk driving? Nope much worse. Was he hurting someone? Something like that. And that's all she said. Did she ever give you more info later on? No! My parents r fighting again. I hear cabinets slamming when I take my headphones off great just great What are you listening too? Stay. By Rihanna. I have a very sad connection to this song so it's my go to when I'm depressed What’s the connection? I was the most popular song on the radio when my cat had to be put down. I relate a lot better to it now though. damnation it, mom’s yelling for me. Gtg for now. If there’s anything else you need to say, type it, and I’ll try to get back on it. Ok. Wipe it first.

@Amanuensisbecause it's you. In most of the games I've played, the victory or defeat of the side you're on has depended largely on what you've said. People follow you like sheep. I was removing the Shepard Aman

I just made a terrible excuse to get out of a conversation because I had nothing to say and I feel awful and terrible because I know she's going though a really hard time.

Well, I'm in the same boat as Nyail. I'm the dribbler. Feel free to lynch me. If you want me to use my action on someone, feel free to shoot me a pm.

Blood drive today

Pretty much.

Huh? COpy and paste relevant passages?

Status report: She just told me that she's feeling numb. No happiness. No saddness. No emotion. A conversation we just had: hey. I know I'm in a terrible mood and something just isn't right because I didn't smile at all during practice. Seriously Was anything different about this one? Quality, the way people were treating you? No nothing that's what's bothering me Maybe it’s just end of season stress. That's not it Alex. I usually am smiling even when I'm under Stress at guard. I love it and I'm numb and I was unsure until now but now I'm sure. I'm numb. I feel no happiness I feel no sadness I really can’t think of a good response. I don't need a response!!!!! I need you to understand that!!! I need to just talk to someone right now about this…. I'm numb and I don't know what to do. I’m sorry. Giving a response is my standard method for keeping a conversation going so that you’re more likely to say everything that you want to say. I’ll just listen for now. Thank you. I don't know what to say. Honestly. I want to scream and cry at the same time but I can't. I want to believe I'm not numb that I'm just not feeling an emotion right now but I am. I wanna scream but can't. I wanna cry and just break down but I can't. I'm stuck Alexander!!!!!!! I wish my life wasn't so difficult. K, NOW you say something Alex. I have an idea. Probably a stupid one though. During access, I’ll be in the commons. Meet me there, and just let it all out. Cry. Scream at me. Direct everything at an easy target(me) I wish I could… that sounds so easy but I can't I'm busy during access I have an extra color guard practice In that case, would you be able to get there at 7:30, as if it were a Blue day? Nope moms dropping me off at 8. I'm not allowed to go to access anymore because of the whole cutting deal thing. Lunch? Ya… but the whole point of my being numb is that I CAN'T cry. CANNOT scream. It's a weird feeling. I wanna just get rid of all this miserableness. I could always try provoking you into feeling something...JK I’m not that mean. K… but you thought about it for a minute. I mean you had to in order to even say it. I'm curious. How would you provoke me? In the past, I’ve had a history of being very blunt, and that sometimes ended with someone feeling scared, angry, or sad, as I would never hold back what I was thinking. That’s why I said that I wouldn’t do that, as those are all negative emotions that people don’t normally want to feel. That being said, those are emotions at all. However, it’s normally spontaneous, in the moment, and can’t be planned usually. Oh. Ya I already do that to myself. I'm way to blunt with myself usually. I can cry because of something I said to myself. I don't need a memory of someone I care and trust saying that stuff to me. So…. not a good plan. I don’t know if this will be helpful, but because I believe it, I’m going to say it anyways. Alexandra, you are an awesome person, and you should feel awesome. Now I'm positive I'm numb because not even THAT made me happy… I'm sorry. There's nothing you can do I don't think… I can keep doing the same thing I’ve been doing for the past week. I can support you, and try to be there when you need someone to talk to. Ya you are pretty great at that. I guess so… I don't know anymore… I'm scared. 1 single emotion. Scared. Of my own thoughts. Of my own actions. Of myself. Ya you are pretty great at that You just made me feel good about myself. Yay!! Glad someone's happy. Glad A very good emotion to be feeling. And you just caused it. I don't know what you're trying to do or say here… but okay… Don’t worry about it. I’m just supposed to be listening here. If something I say doesn’t make sense, just ignore it. Lol okay whatever Can I just not exist? I want to be gone. Help!!! Theses are the thoughts I'm scared of. I’d rather you keep existing. You existing makes me happy. Do you have headphones with you? Ya duh. I'm listening to music while I chat with you I was recently talking with some friends, and they gave some good song recs. I can link them if you’d like. How about no? I don't know… kinda just REALLY FREAKING right now Alright. What are you listening to right now? One direction. They are really really good. I like some of their more deeper meaning songs. Nice. I haven’t heard them, but I’ve heard they’re good. Have you ever heard of a band called MCR? My Chemical Romance. I know like only ALL of their songs!!!!!!! What's the name of the band? Chances are I've already heard them EDIT: Greatly improved formatting. Her responses are in blue. Mine are in black.

Here's the thing: a lot of it started when her biological father left (he was arrested) Yes, they're terrible people, but I don't how losing two stable things in her life. If CPS does get involved, I think the report needs to come from her.

Her parents were discussing going to the cops on her cutting. For her, anything about cops would equal her being removed from school to go a proper hospital. In this scenario, she'd end up completely cut off from me, which would have a high potential of making me very sad. Bringing up cops would put something like this in her mind, and would be a bad idea. She enjoys depressing music.

Well, her parents found out. She went down for a nap and forget to cover the scars. They went through her texts, but thankfully missed the ones mentioning the gdoc. When she tried to tell her mom why, she laughed, and said that she was just seeking attention. She told that she was worthless, that no one could ever love her because of this(I actually mildly do) She was told that this was the last year she'd do marching band, one of the few things that can make her smile. My school does this thing where every other day, students are guaranteed an hour where they can get help from teachers. This will no longer be allowed for her. She was told she'd be put on antidepressants. Last time she was told this, her parents never followed through. I'm very scared for her now.

I know, they're so amaizing

Hey guys, I was wondering if someone at the signings could stream them through Discord so that transcribing can be made a bit easier.

You carry spoons around in your hair shamelessly at school. You are awesome.

Hey guys! I'm back, and ready to get active again!

I just realized I'll be without internet for the next three days. Bard, could you please do me a favor and not slam me with the inactivity filter?

Problem: Most of this support comes in the form of long conversations, and I tend to run out of replies fairly quickly.

Knowing a friend has a problem and felling unable to help

sanity Death

Yes. aman sanity

Which won't happen as I almost had to drag her to the nurse. She was very resistant to the idea.