I just signed up and this is the first piece I've read - so I have a bit of a different perspective as I haven't encountered the rest of the story, and I have a view of this scene in isolation rather than as a deviation from previous work. I like the action, like the pace, and like Covelle and Dyllis as characters. It was a very fast read for me - and I'm a slow reader. It was a good action sequence, and it really put me in the mind of classic swashbucklers such as "Treasure Island". So, if that's what you were going for, you accomplished that, and I definitely want to see what happens with these two characters.
Not a ton of stylistic issues - like your word choice. Found some of the blocking a bit clumsy - but I find most blocking clumsy, hate reading it, and hate writing it, so take anything I say there with some salt. On the whole I thought the fight scene was good and stayed engaged.
The one big thing that stuck out as an error was that, on the second to last page, you have a lot of unattributed dialogue and I lost track of who was talking.
I'll also agree with the earlier comment that some of the writing seemed rushed and not as deliberate as certain other parts (Some, "he did this, then he did this, then he did this" constructions), but we all rush and that stuff can be ironed out in revision.
Sorry if this is a bit cursory - I'm sure I will have more to say as I learn more about the overall story - but on the whole I liked this as an action sequence.
I just signed up and this is the first piece I've read - so I have a bit of a different perspective as I haven't encountered the rest of the story, and I have a view of this scene in isolation rather than as a deviation from previous work. I like the action, like the pace, and like Covelle and Dyllis as characters. It was a very fast read for me - and I'm a slow reader. It was a good action sequence, and it really put me in the mind of classic swashbucklers such as "Treasure Island". So, if that's what you were going for, you accomplished that, and I definitely want to see what happens with these two characters. Not a ton of stylistic issues - like your word choice. Found some of the blocking a bit clumsy - but I find most blocking clumsy, hate reading it, and hate writing it, so take anything I say there with some salt. On the whole I thought the fight scene was good and stayed engaged. The one big thing that stuck out as an error was that, on the second to last page, you have a lot of unattributed dialogue and I lost track of who was talking. I'll also agree with the earlier comment that some of the writing seemed rushed and not as deliberate as certain other parts (Some, "he did this, then he did this, then he did this" constructions), but we all rush and that stuff can be ironed out in revision. Sorry if this is a bit cursory - I'm sure I will have more to say as I learn more about the overall story - but on the whole I liked this as an action sequence.