TwiLyghtSansSparkles

As the dinosaur finished off the friction manipulator, Lightwards gave Nathan a long, appraising look. He continued to clap and cheer, fighting panic. He had seen that look before. He had received that look before. It was the sign of an Epic who was trying to decide what to do with the human before them—draft him, chide him, or punish him? Maximus had stared at him that way before he tossed him through a window. City Girl had given him that look before sending him to the kitchen for all the empty glass bottles he could carry. Fortuity had looked at him that way for a good twenty minutes before summoning him to his table. Lightwards looked away. Nathan nearly collapsed with relief. Whatever thought had flitted through the necromancer's head had not been worth his consideration. He let Funtimes teleport them out of the turret and onto the floor, where Nighthound was learning about the various types of lizards present. A massive horned beast took the place of ancient bones and, at Lightwards' command, nuzzled the feral Epic. Then it was their turn. "And I suppose you'll want something too." His glare flicked Nathan's frayed nerves, but vanished quickly. "Though you lost the last Warrior I loaned you. Alice Regway is probably still waiting in the car back in that suburb. But then, I am suddenly a wealthy man, who worries not about returns on his loans." "So sorry," Nathan muttered with more than a trace of sarcasm as Lightwards turned to the dinosaur he seemed to have claimed for his own. A snap of his fingers, and the beast knocked three winged skeletons from the ceiling—skeletons that were soon covered in flesh and brightly colored skin. Doctor Funtimes put her hands to her cheeks and knelt beside them. "Aw, they're so cute!" She began mimicking the loud chirping and squawking noises they were making, drawing a smile to Nathan's face. "They're probably terrified, darling," he told her. "They've been dead for millions of years." The thought soothed his nerves, filling him with…not quite excitement, but wonder, at the least. These creatures were older than civilization, and they belonged to Funtimes—and him as well. Lightwards had called Nighthound the horned dinosaur's master, so it followed that the bright, crested, winged lizards were under a similar arrangement. The notion triggered something in his head—a connection he wanted to make, felt he ought to make, but something blocked it. Perhaps it was the blood, or the dinosaurs, or something else entirely. He turned to Lightwards with a cool smile, not because he wanted to, but because he needed to keep the appraising look from making an encore appearance. "I must say, Lightwards, I'm impressed. I wasn't expecting—" "Hello!" The wildest, longest, most impressive beard Nathan had ever seen stood in the doorway. He had no idea who the man attached to it was, but he wore a friendly smile. "Excellent fight by the way, hope you didn't mind that we joined in, I just thought the exercise would be a good way to wakeup. Purple Phoenix at your service." "What do you want?" Nathan asked. A glance at Funtimes showed her scowling at Purple Phoenix's hand, but when he followed her gaze, he saw nothing but a cupcake. Purple Phoenix tossed it aside. An explosion of purple followed. The Epic from the museum entrance. "You tried to kill us," Nathan began, but Funtimes had other concerns. She drew a long gasp, her hands fluttering beside her cheeks. "Your. Hat. Is. Amazing!" With a squeal of pleasure, she snapped her fingers. A display stand became a neat pile of bowler hats, each a different size and color. She scooped them up and danced back to her pterodactyls, placing one on each head, accompanying each hat with a name. "You are Trogdor, and you're Kajagugu, and you get to be Seamus." Lightwards' dinosaur was given a red bowler and the name Vincenzo. At Nighthound's dinosaur, she waited for it to lean its head down, then placed a yellow bowler between its horns. "You are Phteven." "Phteven?" Nathan echoed. "Yeah! It's Steven with a Ph!" He chuckled. "It fits." Lightwards was her last stop. She paused, dancing from foot to foot with the last bowler held behind her back. "Sorry you couldn't find the zombie in your neighborhood," she said. Nathan wondered if Lightwards caught the insult in her words—she was in your neighborhood, you should have found her, moron. With a flourish, she presented a forest green bowler with a colorfully embossed leather hatband. Bright gold stars were embedded in the band, and a daisy was balanced on the brim. "This is for you. It won't look good with your clothes all red, though. I can make them better."

Should eating an exploding cupcake be the cause of Lightwards' next death? A. Yes B. Definitely C. Absolutely

Purple Phoenix caught Funtimes' attention. I don't think he's prepared for this.

In regards to Alice, he is also acting like a disgruntled restaurant customer: "Where's my zombie?" "Probably back in the car, sir." "What's she doing there?" "You left her there, sir." "YOU left her there. Should've told me where she was." "You are not an idiot, so I assumed you could apply this newfangled concept called 'logic' to the situation and figure out where she was and how to get her back." "Don't take that tone with me! Let me talk to Funtimes." *giggle* "She was down the block and you didn't find her. You're a jellobrain." "What is that supposed to mean?" "Dictionary definition: One whose brain functions so slowly as to be made of a gelatinous dessert in a variety of fruit flavors. Must I spell it out for you?"

As of this point, I think he's still in the restaurant where Hotwire was. Only Nighthound has seen him.

Must....resist.....shipping impulse....not....resisting....well..... Agh! Why do you do this to me? Now I'll have no choice to distract myself with more Phoenixwards and Algaze stories!

Eep. Not as big as some, but eep. It would've been less scary to bring back all of the butterflies pinned to the wall, but we don't want the Wacko Brigade laughed out of town, now do we?

Movie!Commander didn't notice the Pacifier had bee stolen for a couple of days at least, and didn't even think to check the robot eye for a remote-controlled camera. He ain't the brightest bulb in the box, is what I'm saying. Sounds right. Something not too scary.

I'm not sure. I think a quick scene would be okay.

That idea is MADE of win. Pure, unfiltered win. Yes, I'm in!

Continue......

After his first six months at the casino, Nathan had learned there was a difference between a surprising event and a jarring one. Most everything had been surprising, at first. Epic murders and quarrels had happened at some distance. Faultline's betrayal and swift death had not been personal. It had affected him in the sense that sinkholes were a less common cause of death from that point onward, but he hadn't seen her rebel. Hadn't heard her defiant words to Newcago's dictator, hadn't heard his reply. Hadn't seen her broken body fall to the ground. At the casino, things were different. The air manipulator who declared war on the shapeshifter could very well have been sitting at one of his tables. The chances of being drafted into the feud to fetch knives or broken glass or some other sharp projectile were high, the stakes of being made a part of that war even higher. And, as with most of those feuds, the likelihood of carting a body out to the nearest alley was almost a certainty. Only luck determined whether that corpse would be human or Epic. Death had ceased being a surprise, but it always shook him. Always made him think. Sometimes made him cry. Lightwards' death was not surprising, but seeing anyone drilled with enough lead to slaughter a police unit was always jarring. Nathan let the sight of blood unnerve him, but he didn't let it show. Four years had forced him to develop a good poker face. His thoughts, however, disturbed him. There was the requisite pity—being shot was painful, Epic or no—but the clearest thought in his head was, At least it's not my fault. He can blame me, but I didn't get him shot. Funtimes clutched his arm, but whether in fear or shock he couldn't tell….until she started singing, bouncing from foot to foot. "Here he comes, Mister Fairy U-ni-verse…." "That's the song you pick?" he muttered. For better or worse, she didn't hear him. Lightwards' resurrection wasn't surprising, either. Nathan burst into applause when Funtimes did, although he refrained from cheering. Watching anyone eaten by a dinosaur that had just ceased being a fossil—that was surprising. Seeing him chewed to bits and swallowed piece by piece—that was jarring. You signed up for this, he chided himself. This is what you got yourself into, so you'll just have to deal until you can get yourself out of it. Nathan kept clapping, covering his disgust with a grin and his horror with a two-fingered whistle. -------------------------------------- Scorch was enjoying himself. There was something immensely satisfying about charging into a crowd, fists blazing and fireballs flying. Were he more sentimental, he might have said there was something magical about tossing flame here and there, not having to worry about whether or not the injured party would be useful later. Altermind had been concerned with that sort of thing, but not CorpseMaker. He let out a laugh as a fireball soared through the open window of a school bus. It would take a moment for the upholstery to catch, but that was all right. He could keep an eye on it so long as he— Something lashed around his foot, and before he could burn it off, he was on the ground. A girl, a pretty teen with long red hair, lifted her hand. The vine holding his ankle lifted him as the tree attached grew another ten feet. Scorch's scowl matched hers. "Layla. Didn't think you stayed." Another vine wrapped around his other leg, holding him fast. "I heard you did, so I did." "Aw, that's sweet." The vines tightened around his legs, making him wince in pain. "You know that's not what I meant." "I thought you didn't believe in violence, sweetheart." Layla smiled. "Not unless it's fun."

I believe so. Give me a minute. And Kobold, don't apologize. That was superb.

Go right ahead.

You had me at "pretty" and "sparkles."

Super optimism. In the movie she had X-Ray vision, so she'd probably be on some security detail?

When it's my turn again, I'll post something for Scorch. So the plan was to have Will, Layla, Ron Wilson (bus driver), and the optimistic nurse at the armory, too?

I feel your pain.

Yes, looks like it.

They're adorable! And very….Funtimes-y. In that vein….. It is marginally better than "crazier than Doctor Funtimes," which, according to the future, will become an in-game insult by page 20.

By day, I'm a receptionist at a car dealership. By night, I'm a grad student working toward a Master's degree in Information Resources and Library Science.

Nathan called Nighthound "Stupidface" for—what?—three pages? Four before Lightwards used his real name? While the name "Stupidface" doesn't fit in the Epic tradition, I would say it fits his disposition.