TwiLyghtSansSparkles

It'll take Funtimes a few minutes to get everything in place, so it should be ready to launch here in a couple posts or so.

Approved.

It includes an object lesson wherein she builds a life-size model of a T-rex out of Hostess Fruit Pies.

The old university president was a wise man.

Tying people to chairs=nonstop fun for everyone. Um…. No offense, but I think Lightwards needs to go through sensitivity training. He might get himself sued.

Yes. Yes, they are. Srs bzns. And now that everybody has one, we can move on to more important things. Like, how long did it take for Funtimes to turn every single rope in that "lecture hall" into Twinkies and Ding-Dongs?

Which page is that taken from? Now I'm confused. Did Lightwards' lecture inspire Phoenix, or was it the other way around?

Their theme song, perhaps? In the words of Dwight Shrute: And in the words of my grandfather:

I don't call 'em the Wacko Brigade because they act like "normal" Epics, no. Hang on a second. Any of you who've seen "Return of Harmony" remember this clip? I just realized that's our group. The liar (Nathan, who's just pretending) The grump (Lightwards, before his resurrection rendered him somewhat cheery) The hoarder (Funtimes, who collects shiny things) And the brute (Nighthound, which is self-explanatory) Purple Phoenix can be the new Rainbow Dash.

Why, yes, indeed it is. If you think he can pull it off without blowing his cover, go right ahead. I'd like to see this Protector.

Just did. Funtimes and Nathan will introduce themselves in a moment. She's a little….distracted.

With all his flattery, Purple Phoenix seemed a mere step or two away from literally kissing Funtimes' feet. In most Epics, that was a sign of fear. Deciding to press it a bit, Nathan rolled his eyes. "Flattery will get you nowhere." At least, I hope not. She giggled at the second repetition of my lady. "I'm not your lady. I'm his lady, silly!" After planting a quick kiss on Nathan's cheek, she stood on tiptoe and tapped Purple Phoenix's nose. "Your explosions are pretty. Like your hat." Nathan relaxed. He wasn't being dumped, and if one of the two more powerful Epics in their little band of nutjobs decided the newcomer was welcome, he would defer to her. "I suppose that's your cue to stay, then." She giggled again, still staring in open admiration at his purple bowler hat. Speaking of hats, Lightwards seemed taken with his. The thing had so many contrasting elements all meshed together that Nathan wondered why his eyes didn't start bleeding on sight. But if Lightwards liked it, he would have to learn to live with it. Stone and plaster scraped against each other as a nearby pile of rubble shifted, and a woman in a bright Indian-style headdress got to her feet. Funtimes giggled, Nathan looked for a suitable weapon, and— "Kill her." Vincenzo gobbled her up in a single bite. "No, no, no!" Lightwards stamped his foot like a three-year-old denied cake for breakfast. "I said kill her, not completely devour her!" The Epic was spat on the floor in a pile of blood and dinosaur saliva. Nathan gave the mess a look of open distaste—some Epics disdained the sight of gore, calling it uncouth and inelegant—and turned away. Lightwards, too, seemed to accept Purple Phoenix, turning another skeleton into a small, quick-looking raptor. "A token of goodwill," he said. And that settled it. If the second more powerful Epic was willing to give Purple Phoenix a dinosaur, Nathan would learn to get along. He watched Lightwards send the dinosaur toward the newcomer. He looked so ridiculous in his bowler hat, yet that somehow made him look more sinister. Perhaps it was the blood still staining his clothes, perhaps the deaths that had put it there. There were so many things he wanted to tell the necromancer—he didn't have to kill that last Epic, why not have the stupid dinosaur eat her if he was going to go to the trouble of killing her, this was wrong, so wrong, his hat made him look like an idiot…. But Nathan tamped all those things down. Lightwards wouldn't hear a single one of them. More likely than not, his mind would rewrite each and every sentence to sound like, "I'm weak. Kill me now. I'd make a good zombie!" So he rolled his eyes. "You're a weird Epic, Lightwards." But Lightwards was whispering something in Funtimes' ear. Something that made her nod and say "Mmhmm. Mmhmm. Yeah—oh!" Her face lit up, and she clapped her hands. "That is the most amazing idea in the history of amazing amazingness!" She darted forward, caught Nathan's hand in hers, and with a breathless "Entrance, please!" teleported there with one last giggle. "What are we doing?" She laughed and jumped in place, then knelt on the floor. She began to crawl, tapping her hands against the dusty tile. The building creaked and groaned as something down below cracked and changed shape.

Lightwards seemed to like his hat just fine.

The history and speculation on the dinosaurs is all well and good, but the more important question is: What color of bowler hat would our little Rocco Blaze look best in?

Does it look more like a Dragos or a Lorcan? I can't decide.

Agh! How did I down vote you, Voidus? I wasn't even trying to upvote you! Stupid phone.

Are you proposing the Empire of Light have an economy based on terrible beards, Kobold? None whatsoever.

She is actually very interested in the economy. Every time it's mentioned, she pictures "the economy" as a giant rampaging through the countryside.

Phteven could threaten him every time he tries to take it away. Phteven loves his hats.

Haha, it's okay. I've done that before.

He was a part of my childhood, that's for sure. I don't remember a single Robin Williams film that didn't make me laugh, or inspire me in some way. His Genie is the only Genie I acknowledge. He was a brilliant actor, and a comedic genius. Depressing thoughts below the spoiler.

I second this request. I've been trying to find them (being unable to afford Comic Con tickets or the time off work to visit San Diego) but they don't seem to be anywhere reachable.

Reporter: This is Sally Jennings, here at the Oregon-Idaho border. As you can see, I dare not enter because of the recent Epic turf wars—although some former residents are calling it the apocalypse. I have with me a Mr. George Sanders, a survivor of this so-called apocalypse. Tell me what you saw, Mr. Sanders. Sanders: Dinosaurs. And…bouncy castles. A—a guy who killed just by looking—and the beards! The beards! Reporter: It's okay, Mr. Sanders. Just calm down— Sanders: No amount of brain bleach can wash the stain of those terrible beards from my memory! *breaks down sobbing*

Be careful what you wish for, Voidus…. Be very careful indeed.

He is when Funtimes is around.