TwiLyghtSansSparkles

Sausage McMuffins for everybody! Also, off-topic, but you know the song that goes "catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day"? That got stuck in my head, but my brain decided "car" sounded better than "star."

"Joe of Chicago is the subject of many strange, often contradictory legends. One myth claims his devotion to a substance called 'whiskey' surpassed even his devotion to his wife. However, another legend insists he was of such powerful magic that every woman in a city he visited, if she was of age, would be unable to resist his charms. Consequently, some murals depict him with his ever-present whiskey bottle, while others portray him surrounded by a veritable army of beautiful women."

"Despite many writings from the time period, our ancestors seem to have placed little value on literacy. There are multiple references to 'Reading' as a punishment of some sort, and a 'Reader' is spoken of with derision."

(He can't very well make topiaries out of everyone if he joins a faction, now can he? And yes, this is totally an excuse for him to make topiaries out of CorpseMaker, Altermind, and Lightwards and Funtimes. )

"You wanna piece of me, Firefight? Well, check out this FLAMING TOPIARY! Looks just like you! Even more so because….because….it's on fire….and…you're on fire….I'm just gonna walk away now." (I was thinking he uses the saw to get the basic outline, then molds the finer details with his hands.)

Koschei/Trimmer ("Think you're all big and bad? Well take a look at this FLAMING TOPIARY! Yeah, not so tough now, are ya? You're going—hey, don't just walk away from me! We ain't finished, pal!") Koschei/Mommy ("DIE DIE DIE!!!!!!")

It's one meeting I would actually want to see. Additional Koschei headcanon meetings include.... Koschei/Sam ("Nice tiara. Doth Mother knowest thou wearest her drapes?") Koschei/Saccharine ("You'll enjoy my tea parties. And unlike my last guest, you'll keep coming back for more.") Koschei/PP ("It's okay if you're jealous of my beard. Everyone is.") Koschei/Funtimes ("You look like you need a hug.")

This post. This post is one of the greatest things I have ever read.

Nathan knew by his widening smile that Aldo liked the story. He heard himself adding more and more detail as he went along, describing the way even Mister Hamsterface had looked relieved to be caught by Doctor Funtimes, how ridiculous the hot dog car had looked parked between sleek black and red convertibles. By the time Aldo burst into quiet applause, Nathan had given his share of laughter to his memories. "Bravo. Now that's a story worth visiting for. What I wouldn't give to see Fortuity struggling to explain the matter to his superiors..." "You and me both," Nathan said sincerely. To that point, he hadn't considered how Steelheart might take the news that Fortuity had been beaten by an Epic with glitter in her hair and his own hat, but the thought lifted his spirits. Had he dashed outside, cape and suit in tatters with his hat gnawing at his ankles, just in time to see what she had done to his car? Had he been called to the palace, forced to answer whether or not he really lost to an Epic who thought Calamity was the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Nathan was still smiling at the thought of Fortuity forced to drive his newly modified car around Newcago when a voice at his side made him jump. "You, magician. I need a word." The demand came from an older gentleman in suit and top hat. He had to be an Epic. No ordinary man would demand things that way. Why can I never be accosted by one Epic at a time? "Absolutely, my good man," Aldo said, pulling another chair from his sleeve. "Feel free to join us--Traveler was just telling a hilarious tale about his life in Newcago, and I'm sure a fine fellow like yourself has a few rib-ticklers to share." The newcomer remained standing. "I want to be brought up to speed. I want to know a brief history of this so called empire, as well as a sketch of the epics and humans, including powers. I want a reason to stay. The boy may be entranced by the dinosaurs, but I need facts and figures. Your eyes don't miss much, so I know you've got a good grasp of the situation. Convince me to stay, and I might tell you something interesting." Aldo glanced, ever so briefly, at Nathan, smiling encouragement. At least, it seemed like encouragement. ​What does he—oh, right. He just got here, I've been here all along…but really, one more Epic here? Is that really what we need? He cleared his throat and laid out the bare basics. "It's fairly new, this Empire, I mean. Just established a few days ago. I can't tell you everyone's power, since I haven't met everyone, but I could introduce you to the leaders, Lightwards and Doctor Funtimes." The thought of looking into Lightwards' face again sharpened the pain in his side. "My girlfriend—Funtimes, that is—is certainly powerful enough to convince anyone to stay. You might recall a storm of pancakes? That was her. And she's the reason this jungle is floating, and why it's a jungle rather than a dusty old museum." And if you hit me, she'll try to kill you, so there's that. ------------------------------------------- At the outskirts of Portland, there was a young man. A young man with dirt beneath his fingernails and leaves in his hair. The young man with dirt beneath his fingernails and leaves in his hair was hard at work. He raised a buzz saw to a half-formed topiary, driving it into the branches with a shower of leaves. He sang to himself as he worked, though it could not be heard above the roar of the buzz saw. ​"CorpseMaker, CorpseMaker, Corpsey Corpsey CorpseMaker…." He broke off with a chuckle. "Just wait 'till nightfall, Corpsey CorpseMaker!"

Yeah, 21 is the minimum age in the US. Although, with Epics around, that might not be so important….

I am so doing that.

Sure. I can get that posted soon.

Casting my vote for "Hooked on a Feeling."

I like! There's no set number, really. Two, maybe three? Until your characters reach The Dalles, I don't think the number really matters so long as you don't double post.

Does he prefer to scare people off, or would he rather harm them? Does he have any qualms about hurting children? Basically: does he miss Koschei, or did he serve him out of fear?

I went to Whole Foods today but didn't see it. I didn't look very long, though, so it could have been hiding. I did find several varieties called "Epic IPA" and one called "Epic Zombie Hops." I think we all know whose THAT is. Headcanon accepted.

I did. Wearing basically what he wears now, which is very dapper. What would his specialty have been? What does he like using his powers for most?

It's only vanillas he sees as unworthy of basic courtesy, but that's because he sees them as far beneath him, in need of a strong hand to lead. Someone like Möbius would deserve to be treated well, and provided she either agreed to rule together or let him down easy, he would treat her very well. 1) o.O 2) O.O ....and the shipping takes a turn for the nightmarish.....

If Koschei doesn't want to date you, you know you've done something right. To answer that question, here's how I envision a romance between him and Mobius. The first thing Koschei would admire about Mobius is her power, and how she used it to maintain control over her kingdom. He would admire her creativity in creating the pocket universes, her resourcefulness in recruiting Slaughterhouse, and the orderliness with which Calamityville operated. Here, he would think, here is a woman who knows what she is. Her manner of dress—hiking boots and flannel work shirt—would put him off, but only briefly. Once he saw her in action, saw her use her powers to keep someone in line, he would come to accept her style as another way of proclaiming her power. The rugged clothes she wore would say, to him, I dress how I like and no one may disagree. Her refusal to dress like the goddess he saw her as would just be further evidence of her divinity, as she would need no one to tell her how to dress or how to rule. He would approach her, strike up a conversation about Calamityville, praise her leadership and allow her to do most of the talking. Once she asked him about himself, he would tell her about how he came to power and how he maintained control. After courting her for as long as Mobius wanted, he would suggest combining their kingdoms and ruling together as equals.

The tea, though. The tea creeped her out. And Koschei would have never stooped to date Funtimes. Epics, in his eyes, should act like the gods and demigods they are, and Funtimes….well, the hugging kind of destroys the whole "goddess" image.

They would have made a terrible couple. Just imagine her, in her rainbow dress and light-up socks, standing next to a man who does everything like a sir. The publicity photos alone would have been disastrous.

I hadn't pictured Koschei, but even if it was him, he only lasted two cups of tea. That was when Funtimes decided he was too creepy and turned his tea into cement. So….they're higher than you thought they were, I guess.

The connection is there if you want it to be.