TwiLyghtSansSparkles

"Why do I like labs? I like labs, especially the chocolate coloured ones because I always wanted one as a child, but was never allowed. You could say I am one of those people who treats her pets like children, and I why shouldn't I? The Fates decided it was not for me to..." Saccharine's wistful smile became a slightly embarrassed one, as though she had said too much and hoped Funtimes hadn't noticed. Before Funtimes could figure out why, or even invite her to go find a lab to adopt as a pet, her new maybe-friend continued. "I like Laboratories because I have spent my working life in them. And my early life as well I suppose, as my father was a chemist. But growing up, I became more interested in how people work in a literal sense and then I got married to another biochemist and I realised that through studying humans and how they live, I could also learn all the possible ways they can die. It's all a fascinating business I assure you, not least when you think about how close the medieval herbalists came to writing full textbooks on poisons and tinctures. After Calamity, the excess of epics for study was something we could never have dreamed of. And just like Culpeper and his medieval contemporaries, we found that the human body is easily manipulated, and information regarding powers could be gleamed from it as easily as from a cookbook." Poison. Saccharine liked poison. She liked poison and she studied poison and she used poison. Doctor Funtimes stared down at her tea with a grin to cover her misgivings. As Saccharine poured her own tea—which was probably not poisoned, unless Saccharine was a creepy weirdieface like one of her old boyfriends. He liked to sit in front of the fire and sip poisoned tea until he died, then resurrect and talk about how it felt. After the second cup, Funtimes had left him with a teakettle full of cement. He had seemed so much more fun at the tea party full of meaniefaces. "Should you get married, or as I suspect, even now you will find that protection of your lover is first and foremost in your life. My knowledge allowed this for me and with a laboratory of your creation, it can provide the same for you." Saccharine took two lumps of sugar from the bowl and stirred them through. Funtimes took eight, turned them to poison-free maple syrup, and added it to her tea, which she also transformed. She took a small sip, trying to taste poison—her old boyfriend had said he could taste it, that every poison tasted different—but he liked poison. Funtimes did not. Would she even be able to taste it, if it was there? No, her transformation of the tea should have cleared it of any poison. What if Saccharine had poisoned the cup, too? Funtimes balanced her cup on her saucer, blinking at Saccharine for a long moment. She had said something. Something that wasn't about poison. Something about married, or a lover, or…. Protection? Yes. Protection of her lover. Nathan. Good, unless Saccharine wanted to poison her and steal Nathan and protect him herself. And Nathan would not be safe, being protected by a poisoner. Not safe at all. "And so, my knowledge could also be of benefit to you, and the empire." You, and the Empire. Funtimes sat up straight, replaying the words in her head. You, and the Empire. You and the Empire. Not the Empire and you, but you and the Empire. She was first. Not Lightwards. Not the meanieface who called her boyfriend a pet. Not even the Empire itself. Saccharine liked her. More than Lightwards. More than the Empire. People didn't poison people they liked. Except her old boyfriend, but Saccharine wasn't that creepy. Funtimes took a sip of tea, set her cup down, and giggled. ​"What kind of lab do you want first—chocolate or science?"

Posted by proxy for Mailliw. Darkest was walking down the road in the strange new city. He saw the buildings in the distance blow up and smoke clouds filled the air. Ahead of him, he saw two men, exactly alike, in fact, they were either twins or the same person. He saw the man create two illusions of a woman he talked to. A fellow light manipulator, how pleasant. Darkest walked toward the pair just as the man left. Darkest scanned the woman's mind. Her darkest moment had been when she had felt pure rage when her husband cheated on her. She had punched him in the face, very hard. She still loved the man, but in her rage, hurt him terribly. He left her and she hadn't been the same since. Her greatest fear was that her young daughter would be killed. Her daughter was also what she cared about most. Darkest smiled. These mothers were all the same. Too easy. He created an illusion of the woman's daughter. The illusion walked over to the woman. The woman, through her tears, saw her daughter. She cried out and wiped her eyes. Before she could hug the illusion and discover the lie, Darkest created another illusion, this time one of her ex-husband with a bent, broken nose and a knife in hand. The woman saw him and gasped. The man's illusion went to the girl and slit the illusion's throat. The man ran off and the girl fell to the ground. The woman screamed and began sobbing again. Darkest got rid of the illusions and the woman clutched her head in her hands and wept. The noise had caught the other illusionist's attention, just as he had wanted. Both men turned to him. "Why, hello, sir, my name is Darkest Hour. I see you are also a light illusionist. Mind if I walk with you?" Darkest asked, walking towards him, leaning on his cane ever so slightly. Empathy saw a man, whistling as he walked, strolling down the street towards the action as well. He had to be an Epic. There'd be no other explanation for his carefree attitude. Deciding to test him, Empathy caused pain in the Epic's knees. He fell to his knees on the street and turned to look at Empathy. Bring your worst, Empathy thought. We'll see if you can endure it as well.

Edit: Mailliw said to have Glamour meet Edgerunner whenever.

Be back in a minute, dying of laughter. Let me guess: Whole Foods?

In this case, the only government to depose is the existent human government in The Dalles. Allowing Koschei to tear down that one and install himself as dictator certainly would have brought a sort of stability to the region, but the price would be too high. Of course, there is the argument that allowing Koschei to take The Dalles without a fight could minimize the number of lives lost. But after The Dalles, it's the next town, and the next city, and so on until Koschei has as much land as he can rule under his thumb. And I don't exaggerate when I say he would have killed every single person who resisted, even in a small way like refusing to call him a god. Everyone who refused to renounce their religion, every person who shot back, would die as soon as he could arrange it. Stopping him there would lead to deaths. But the cost of appeasement would have been far higher.

Mailliw can't get to the site, so I'll be posting by proxy for Darkest and Empathy soon.

My big twist is that Remington is actually a barely-likable antihero. See, the heroic thing to do in that situation would have been to let Koschei set himself up as Oregon's Steelheart, eventually inflicting mortal wounds on every child statewide, rather than attempt to stop him early and let a few dozen die. (This will be addressed, don't worry.)

(Thanks again! I almost feel bad, using that badchull ensemble on someone so terrifying, but oh well. ) It's a definite possibility. Koschei would have been after Remington by that point, so Vondra offering a shot to the head as a distraction would have been very helpful and satisfying. Edit: Glad you like it, Seonid! Anything I should change? I still have the code.

Um....his real name was pretty badchull? And...uh....he had nice hair. And excellent villainous fashion sense. And....yeah, I got nothing. (Thanks! ) Oh, no. The adult son of the local National Guard Commander? That killing would have been extremely deliberate. Probably in front of Vondra, if Koschei could have managed it.

Cool. I'll give it some more thought, and come up with a few more scenarios. Basically, Koschei would have used Reader to go after the town's heavy-hitters (Vondra, the police chief, anyone with power or influence) by targeting who they loved most. Schools would have also been high on his list.

I'm excited to see more of these three. I'm also working on ponifying Guardian, because your default profile icon is really starting to bum me out. He has to consciously withdraw his power for their wounds to reopen. When he died for good, those he'd gifted remained healed. Each time he dies temporarily, those he gifted remain healed until he decides otherwise. They were extremely thorough. After they had killed all the adults, they went through and shot or slit the throats of all the children so Koschei could use them as blackmail. If an adult did survive, they would have been shot immediately. However, the police and National Guard swarmed the place shortly after, so someone could have survived that, or could have been a relative of someone who died in the massacre. There were also plenty of other opportunities for survivors—the church massacre was just the opening salvo. (I don't have a ton of things set in stone yet—I have the ending written out, and I know a few key events that happened, but not everything—so if you had an idea for another horrific event that someone could've survived, PM me.) Edit: Guardian Mark I, open for criticism.

Autumn tries to get along with everybody, Reader included, but his habit of trying to get under her skin (and sometimes succeeding, when he mentions how happy she was to finally leave home, guilty as she feels about thinking that way) drives her to avoid him when she can. "Kill 'em with kindness" only works until you want to kill them with sharp pointy things. Regardless, when she's around him, she makes an effort to treat him with the same friendly courtesy she'd show anyone else, and get out of there before he wears her down. Speaking of, I think I've finally gotten her properly ponified.

More like "What Happened to Backtrack's Sanity and Peace of Mind." I'm the F to the U to the big N Times I eat maple syrup as I'm making these rhymes And I like my vanillas cause they're nicer than you ​And—what, it was only supposed to be three lines? That's lame! Funtimes does what Funtimes wants!

You should be.

Oh, he's despicable enough.

Koschei would just go all stabby-stab on the guy. Random question: Has anyone ever asked Slaughterhouse to "lend them a hand" and received a terrifyingly literal answer?

The eggs for the McMuffins probably wouldn't hatch, since those eggs aren't fertilized. But ones that were…um…I'm going to put my money on "pure, unfiltered nightmare fuel." He could always interrupt Aldo and Nathan to either talk about how much he hates Whovians or ask Aldo why he grew such a stupid mustache.

The two-year-old is promoted to First Lieutenant for her excellent ideas like "nap time" and "potty."

His a Moral Event Horizon will be when a two-year-old hands him a toy phone...and he refuses to answer it.

Wow. If Koschei weren't dead, that could actually be canon.

The next flashback was going to be from Remington's perspective, narrating the aftermath of the church massacre. A likely survivor would either be one of the children (who Koschei left alive for blackmail purposes) or a police/National Guard officer sent to secure the area once the news came in.

Lying. If "And then Nighthound died" was a lie, it would not be an improvement.