Kobold King

The Way of Kings 11 Words of Radiance 10 The Final Empire 11 The Well of Ascension 10 The Hero of Ages 10 The Alloy of Law 10 Elantris 10 Warbreaker 8 The Emperor's Soul 10 Alcatraz vs The Evil Librarians 10 Alcatraz vs The Shattered Lenses 10 Alcatraz vs The Knights of Crystallia 10 Alcatraz vs The Scriveners Bones 10 The Rithmatist 10 Legion 10 Steelheart 11 Firstborn/Defending Elysium 8 Infinity Blade Awakening 10 Infinity Blade Redemption 10 The Gathering Storm 6 Towers of Midnight 10 A Memory of Light 10 Sixth of the Dusk 8

Those are some very interesting ideas for this whole thing--as one might expect, Brandon Sanderson has better ideas for how the RP should progress than we do. I fully expect a major challenge to the Empire's reign to come soon. Then again, Thoughttown has been standing all this time without significantly difficult struggles for existence. We might need more manufactured crises to actually threaten the larger factions. The idea of a reformed Nighthound is... strange, to say the least. If he went from sadistic, psychopathic troll face to sympathetic defender of justice in just one turn, I would be inclined to doubt any true character development had occurred. I'd assume it was an act. But I could definitely see it being a slow process lasting several pages. Any chance of getting a glimpse at pre-Calamity Nighthound and Lucentia? Finally, Nathan. I suspect TwiLyght already has a Master Plan for him. Me, I thoroughly expect his secret to be discovered (possibly by Lightwards or Nighthound) and for him to end up strapped to a table in a white robe again, probably when Funtimes is unable to come to his immediate aid.

I'd say sell. It seems likely that he'll come back to sanity with a crash, a bang, and a wallop. Lift will never have a romantic interest. Gawx, however, will.

Purple Phoenix's fall was no accident. Falcon the Coelophysis deliberately pushed him off hoping to inherit the hat after his death. The plot thickens.

"Oh no! We have to save that beard and the strange little man attached to it! We're coming, beard!" --Taken from "What Happened in Oregon," page 20.

Good to know. I was worried that this was your bizarre way of quitting the game.

I guess Funtimes could set up a giant trampoline for you? Or of course, Lightwards could always just resurrect you if you have an accident...

Oh, you're never alone. Let's just say Lightwards has some paranoia issues himself.

Sparks, I actually planned on setting up PP a litter before I left. I forgot to put it in though.

Heck, I might even be convinced to vote for it. All other political ideologies pale in comparison... well, to put it bluntly, "we have dinosaurs, pancakes, and a Darth Vader on a unicycle playing the bagpipes. Your argument is invalid."

I think attempting to eat a Pewterarm green bean would be one of the most annoying, slightly painful experiences in your life.

Suddenly all the awesome insanity the Wacko Brigade has been causing seems to fit right in with an established mold.

U mad Panda?

At first I thought this was some sort of recurring joke I'd somehow missed... but then I entered the strangest Google search term of my life... I... I don't know what to say. I'm just going to lie down and nurse my fractured perception of reality.

Awesome, I love it. Just as soon as my upvote quota refills, I swear... Just a quick question, was the bagpipe-playing Darth Vader on a unicycle a bagpipe-playing Darth Vader on a unicycle by choice or was that Funtimes working her magic?

The travesty that was "QuiteLeftinch" no longer exists on the forum, but I do not believe the terror it inspired will soon be forgotten by the denizens of the 17th Shard.

Please tell me you intend to make a thread about the Scadrian jazz. It would be awesome and thought-provoking. Sadly, I do not believe there is much information on the OP's subject. The Steel Ministry was a despicable religion, and very little of its dogma was recorded over the course of the books.

I estimate that the forum will explode approximately 5.4 seconds after the first person views the updated reputation list. We really need to look into making a "Let Fly Thy Red Arrows" topic. I don't suppose such a thing would be against forum policy?

An enormous pair of Acrocanthosaurus slowly shook themselves, growling softly as the last mottled green and brown skin grew over their skeletons. The predators took a few nervous steps before the ground began to shake, causing the dinosaurs to roar in alarm and Lightwards to let out a cry of shock. That cry quickly gave way for a laugh as he peered out the window. The museum was rising. It climbed higher and higher, splitting free from the pavement below with a loud crack. A low hum began to permeate the facility, and there was a cool breeze that began to drift through open and shattered window panes. Lightwards looked down out the window--he could already see the city of Portland shrinking, larger and larger parts of the city opened to view. He estimated that they had already risen five hundred feet... make that a thousand... two thousand, three thousand... was this thing going to stop? He was starting to worry about altitude sickness when the museum's rise came to a slow peak. The hum equalized completely and faded to the background. Lightwards let out a sigh of satisfaction, grinning downwards. From here he could see a hefty portion of the city. He looked it over and compared it to a slightly blood-stained map he kept in his pocket. Portland was built around a forked river--the Columbia and the Williamette. The museum floated over the southeastern part of the city, flanked by the Willamette river on one side and city limits on the other. A vast downtown area filled the space between the two boundaries. From this high vantage point, he could make out a very large crowd of people gathered underneath him, undoubtedly where Nighthound had herded them. A sudden idea flitted through Lightwards' brain. I should make a speech. But how was he to get down? He supposed he could ask Traveler for a quick teleport, but that idea lacked flare or independence. He should find his own way down. He turned from the window, pacing across the dust-covered, gore-splattered floor. He peered into a room filled with archaeological trinkets. His eyes lit up as they settled upon a huge litter that had once been carried by servants to transport some ancient Indian sultan. Perfect. --------------------------------------- Pete Hedge couldn't stop himself from trembling. He stood in what may have once been a small public park, now re-purposed into a public forum by that insane Epic. It was only abject terror that kept him from running past the rusted swing set beside him and fleeing this terrible place. Abject terror, in this case, was an enormous grey dinosaur that stood beside him, its head far off the ground and fixed intently on the speaking Epic. Every now and then the impossibly large, real-live in-the-flesh dinosaur would shift its feet and shake its head, spreading droplets of an attempted escapee's blood over all nearby spectators. Pete Hedge tried to figure out some way to get away, any way he could. But the absolutely enormous, fang-baring dinosaurs stood as loyal sentries on both sides of the crowd. And that murderous, off-the-wall crazy Epic was poised to pounce and murder anyone who ran. My house will take weeks to repair, Pete whimpered within the privacy of his own mind. He destroyed people's homes just to make a speech? Calamity, who are these Epics? What are they going to do with us? He was shaken from his thoughts by the mad Epic's chuckling, as if he had made some kind of hilarious joke while he wasn't listening. Judging by the expressions of everyone around him, Pete doubted it had been particularly funny. “The bad news on the other hand is that the town is now more or less under the control of my associates, which are all rusting insane," the mad Epic continued. "Sparks, I wouldn´t even work with them if not for the dinosaurs but whatever, none of your concern. Just start to worship Lightwards, the self-proclaimed emperor of Light, and hope he doesn´t want to stock up on his zombies.” There was a halfhearted cheer of "Lightwards, Emperor of Light," but it quickly died down. Something far more attention-gripping started happening. In the distance, a trembling cracking sound split the air. For a wild moment, Pete and a few other people began mumbling about an earthquake. But then they saw it. The Museum of Natural History had torn free from the rest of the city and was ascending into the sky, unmistakable with its monumental pillars and enormous bronze dinosaur skeleton. It rose with a deep humming sound, floating gently up among the grey clouds. Pete's jaw dropped. Everybody knew to avoid the museum--that was where those four Epics lived. Everyone knew Hotwire, Quickslide, Blindside and Headshot. They raided the neighborhood for supplies every now and then, and had been considered the most powerful Epics in the area ever since CorpseMaker moved out. This dinosaur-riding man in a bowler hat and the self-proclaimed "Emperor of Light" were quite clearly new to this part of town--and potentially far more powerful and dangerous. There were further gasps and screams from the crowd after the museum reached its peak height. Flying out of the museum at high speed were two enormous pterodactyls, each nearly the size of small planes. Between them they carried the supports for a large, finely decorated litter. The pterodactyls landed with a grace unbecoming of any animal their size, their wings kicking up dust and leaves and spreading them out onto the crowd. They set down their litter, and the curtains swung open dramatically. An average-sized man stood in the park facing them now. He looked like a deranged cross between a professor, a homeless bum, and the villain of a pre-Calamity slasher film. His signature items of clothing appeared to be an expensive tweed coat that was now splattered with blood and covered in dust, and a bright green bowler hat that appeared to be brand new. On either side of him, feathered monstrosities walked slowly with their heads held high, as if they were servants waiting on an aristocrat. The professor from hell examined the crowd with a disturbingly warm smile before turning to the man on the horned dinosaur. "Very nice work, Nighthound," said the professor loudly. "Very nice work. There's a Dimetrodon upstairs with your name on it." The man with his velociraptor servants stepped onto a tall merry-go-round, one that was pale and rusted from its time spent without upkeep. The professor used it as a platform, standing above everyone else both figuratively and literally. "Hello, people of Portland," the professor cried out with apparent glee. "I do hope that my associate here was kind enough to introduce me. I am called Lightwards." There was a frantic cacophony of voices, saying such things as "Hail Lightwards" or "Worship Lightwards" without much commitment besides a fear of being devoured by dinosaurs. Pete Hedge began to worry about whether or not he should be bowing. Lightwards chuckled. "There's no need for that. Not yet, at least. I'd much rather you listen to my words than give hollow, not-yet-earned praise." His eyes scanned the spectators, and a second pair of raptors entered the crowd. "People," Lightwards continued. "You have been subjected to the cruelest form of tyranny." The raptors had apparently found a worthy victim in the crowd. There was a scream that cut through the air as an old man had both of his arms firmly chomped by a raptor. The man began to kick and scream as the raptors dragged him to the front of the crowd. The unfortunate man was dragged nearby to Pete, who began to retch upon seeing the savage mauling his arm sockets were going through. It was a wonder the arms hadn't come off. Lightwards continued his speech over the screams of the dying old man. "I am not speaking of the tyrant CorpseMaker. I am not speaking of the four fools who previously occupied the Museum of Natural History. I speak of that cruel overlord that has mercilessly ravaged life on Earth since the first bacteria swam in our seas. I speak not of men or Epics, but of Death Itself." The raptors dragged the hapless old man right beside Lightwards himself. The man by this point was weeping with the pain in his arms, looking up at the blood-soaked Epic and pleading in soft terms. Lightwards snapped his fingers, and the raptors kicked into the man's torso with lethally curved claws. Pete Hedge closed his eyes from the horror as the old man howled in pain, undergoing slash after slash from the dinosaurs until his body lay in too many tatters for continued life. He had been completely shredded. "Death," shouted Lightwards over retching spectators and crying children mixed in with the crowd. "Death is your enemy! Death is what each of you fears right now! Death is what this pathetic geriatric feared with his final breath! You fear for your lives, worried so about transient dangers when it is death itself you should fear." The mad Epic in the professor's coat gave a mirthless laugh. "Well no more. Observe." His bent over from his merry-go-round, laying a finger on the bloodied scalp of the horrifically butchered man. The man opened his eyes with a ragged gasp that somehow carried over the crowd. He pulled himself to his feet, parts of his body that had been completely torn off somehow regenerating at Lightwards' touch. Once the healing was complete, the old man took a place standing behind Lightwards, his face staring vacantly into the crowd. "I am the master of death," growled Lightwards, standing upright once again. "I defeat it with a mere touch. If you you fear death, then fear me doubly so. I am the man who will rescue you from Death's tyranny. But if you are to know my grace, you will do exactly as I say. This city is to become the capital of a brand new empire. An Empire of Light, sprawling across this planet and others and populated by a renewed human race. You will receive glory untold for your role as its earliest citizens, but first you must earn the privilege. If you have a skill, you will offer it to the Empire of Light. If you have knowledge, you will offer it to the Empire of Light. If you have a life, you will pledge it to the Empire of Light." He smiled once again, his face taking on an alarmingly warm expression. "I'm here to help you. But you will help us far more at first. "Now is the beginning of a new age. You are to meet your new masters. Where four lesser Epics once held this land without a care, now five of the most powerful Epics to watch this planet deign to rule over you. You will listen to each of their words, then you will return to your frail and delicate lives until you are required. Am I understood?" Overcoming shock, Pete Hedge joined in with others with a cry of "Yes." The massive dinosaurs roared, their sounds carrying over the crowd and nearly popping eardrums. "I asked if I was understood," Lightwards said harshly. "Understood, Emperor," a louder cry declared. "Marvelous," said Lightwards with a smile. "In years to come, each and every one of you will thank us for this..."

I certainly hope so. (minus the part where they blow it up. ) Use the force, Altermind...

This, while unofficial, is oddly relevant to the discussion.

I'll try to whip something up here in a few minutes then.

I am really looking forward to it. I'd say either me or Voidus.

I'm sure Lightwards and Funtimes would make an excellent good Epic/bad Epic routine.

More NPCs then? Maybe this time we can actually get ourselves some minion Epics. Seems like a good idea. Maybe everyone should get to make a speech to the crowd while we're at it?