Kobold King

I most definitely look forward to seeing Saccharine in action. Mrs. Voidus, have you seen this thread? It gives summaries of all the currently active characters in Oregon. I'm still trying to piece together Sam and Revolution ponies, so I won't dispute your claims on this one. On a detached, planning note, I just watched the latest episode of Doctor Who, Into the Dalek. Without giving any spoilers, it filled me with the zealous desire to EXTERMINATE CORPSEMAKER. CORPSE-MAKER WILL BE DESTROYED. Ahem. Anyway, Lightwards and Altermind will probably need another meeting in order to discuss a proper strategy for eliminating CM. I have been putting together a little something I like to call "Project Amber" which should nullify the CM threat once and for all, leaving the Empire-Thoughttown coalition with no enemies but each other. Of course, we'll need to cooperate with Joe to some extent--the fact that we can't kill off people's characters without permission means that any attack on CorpseMaker would likely end either in retreat or stalemate, neither of which will get Oregon properly reduced to rubble. Not unless mutual chaotic cooperation is employed, in any case. None of these thoughts are important right now, but I thought I'd put them out there. Back to the matter at hand, welcome to our insane and mildly dysfunctional family, Mrs. Voidus and Saccharine!

Well sparks. There goes my ingenious plan to fry all their sophisticated electronics with an EMP. A yard is about equivalent to three feet. I hope you similarly have no qualms about your characters being ponified--because make no mistake, it will happen.

I love it! The more gleefully insane Epics the better. I'm a little confused about Toymaker. Are his constructs organic or mechanical?

I am once again rendered speechless by the shipping magic TwiLyght works.

Oh, who am I kidding. We all know I'll be refreshing this page until I see it.

Pictured: me while writing the average Oregon post.

No worries, Aldo already knows that the "professor from hell" is the necromancer and that the crazy lady is the matter manipulator. So here's my understanding of the CorpseMaker situation: CM has set up in the Armory in Kliever's Land and has staked out a large stretch of turf, which is now being regularly patrolled by the Toymaker's robots. Correct?

Posted. Lightwards is now in the clearing with them, and I may have gotten a bit carried away with the Lightwards-Aldo dialogue. Nighthound can still butt in and participate in the conversation now, though.

Aldo the Enigmatic took in the jungle scenery, stopping to sniff an occasional patch of orchids or examining the rises and inclines of the landscape. His mind was in overdrive, taking in small details and deciphering everything he could about this place. He'd always been a sharp man. You simply couldn't become a stage magician without some degree of observational skills, and Calamity had inflated his considerable talent by far. He looked at inclines in the landscape and figured out precisely where stairs and exhibits used to be; he looked at logs where once there would have been railings. Though the jungle looked wild, its structure still carried the characteristic order of a man-made facility. Looking past the moss and natural flare, it was obvious that this was the work of a skilled matter manipulator. Aldo clapped his hands together, anxious to meet the showman responsible. From further ahead on the path, another pair of people appeared. There was a tall man in his thirties, his black hair pulled into a long ponytail that flowed along his back. He wore a black coat over a green shirt that was apparently sewn from jungle leaves. He carried himself with pride and delight, not showing any of the caution Epics usually showed when meeting with others of their kind. The other person was a young woman with short red hair, wearing a T-shirt, blue jeans... and a dog collar. Noticing this as well, Cricket turned to Aldo and mouthed "Don't get any ideas." Aldo chuckled and gave her a little wink. The jungle man took a step forward, greeting the magician and his assistant with a wide smile that showed every tooth the man had. “Truly magnificent," the Epic drawled. "Pre-breakfast burglars, my favorite kind, I especially like the way the bones crunch. What do you think Ray?” The woman in the dog collar sniffed. “They appear more likable than you are.” The man wagged his finger reproachfully. "Please, my dear, no reason to insult these two, we at least have to mock them fairly.” Aldo took a step forward of his own and tipped his top hat, casting the couple a charming smile. Already facts and deductions were swimming through his head. The woman is clearly an Epic, even if she doesn't look the part at first. The way she holds her hands gives it away--she should be swinging them casually or putting them in her pockets, but instead she holds them slightly in front of her as if they were weapons. Most likely an energy Epic, or some other individual capable of launching projectiles through the hands. "Greetings, lady and gentleman," Aldo said grandly, taking a deep bow. "Burglars we be, but as Miss Ray has deduced, we are very likable burglars. We came to see the man in charge, if there is one." A voice came from behind a tree. "That would be me." Lightwards woke up in a cold sweat. Eleven bullets. A brutish man laughing, deriding his meager abilities. Shakily he rose from the cot and got himself dressed. Sleeping in his killer's old room was perhaps not his finest idea. He had enough nightmares as it was. He left the small enclosed space and stepped into the Museum. It was the first time he'd seen the jungle in daylight--whatever his opinions on Funtimes might be, he had to admit that she had done a magnificent job. The air was moist, the trees were sturdy, and the ground was solid enough to walk upon but soft like fine soil. He walked past a pair of raptors, still standing with the twins mounted on their backs. "I meant to send you to sleep last night," Lightwards told them irritably. The Warriors didn't respond, instead merely gazing at him with their vacant eyes. "No matter. I have other Warriors. Go to sleep." The Warrior's eyes closed in unison, their breathing becoming regular at once. Lightwards smiled and walked past them. After a few minutes strolling through the forest, he heard the distant sound of one of Ray's energy lances being produced. Obviously Nighthound had decided to get an early start on his schedule--his schedule, apparently, consisting entirely of tormenting anyone he had in his power. What a waste of time, Lightwards thought with disdain. If you don't like someone, kill them and move on. No point in tormenting them for such a while. Clearly it was time for him to start his day of killing those he disliked. He'd need to immediately begin preparations for an assault on CorpseMaker. He walked towards the front of the Museum, hearing Nighthound's voice through the hot air. Surprisingly, an unfamiliar male voice responded to him. Lightwards speeded up his pace and came to the edge of their clearing. Nighthound and Ray were speaking to another pair of Epics in the jungle. One of them was wearing a simple cyan shirt and shorts, while the other was dressed with all the flare of a Vegas stage magician. In fact, that appeared to be just the look the man was aiming to inspire. As Lightwards drew nearer, he heard the man's finishing remark. "We came to see the man in charge, if there is one," the man said affably. "That would be me," Lightwards said cautiously, stepping out from behind the tree. He saw the magician's eyes glance over him. He had a twinkling eyes that seemed to thoroughly scan whatever he was looking at. "I am Lightwards," the necromancer proclaimed, meeting the magician's stare. "I am the Emperor of this Museum and all that lies below it. I see you have already met my associates Nighthound and Ray." "It's an honor," replied the magician, bowing low with a wide smile. "Allow me to introduce myself and my assistant to you and yours. I am Aldo the Enigmatic, the mystifying matter manipulator. This charming young lady is called Cricket after her cracking skills." The woman named Cricket gave a wide smile that looked forced. A bright green grasshopper tattoo was visible on her leg; she was wearing short shorts that Lightwards would never have approved of in his old class. "Pleased to be of your acquaintance," Lightwards said, making himself smile in turn. Where did you come from? he wanted to demand. How did you get up here? Did Altermind send you? "What is your reason for visiting?" Lightwards asked instead. "Why, you're the reason for our visit," Aldo answered, beaming ear to ear in what was probably meant as a charming smile. "We have been lowly spectators to the magnificent act your Empire has been putting on. We saw you raise a building to the sky and just knew we had to become part of the act." Lightwards stared for a moment before it clicked. "You're here to join the Empire?" "Bingo," replied Cricket. "Absolutely!" Aldo exclaimed. "Your work thus far has been spiffy, but we think you could use our special touch." "We would be honored to have you with us," Lightwards said, relieved. "We're looking for all the recruits we can get." Someone had actually joined the Empire without being forced into a dog collar first. Though the day ahead was likely to be long and tireless, Lightwards allowed himself an earnest smile.

Nighthound and Ray meeting Aldo and Cricket? This must happen at the earliest opportunity. Maybe Nighthound could greet them first, and Lightwards could follow after a minute? You'll be missed for sure, but we'll see you when you have more time.

Heh, I just realized why Nathan "was still getting used to the sunrise." At first I thought that it was simply because Oregon sunrises were different, but then I remembered that Nathan is a Newcagoan... where the sun don't shine. Nice touch, TwiLyght.

"The sun rises over Portland, Oregon. The gentle grey cityscape is lit up by the glow, revealing a world red in tooth and claw. Competing warlords across the city rise from their beds, prepared for a long day of conflict and bloodshed. The rules that hold civilization together have dissolved. The only law now governing Portland is the law of the jungle." Cricket raised an eyebrow at the magician who walked alongside her. "Do you have to narrate everything you see or think of? You sound like the world's most melodramatic news host. You're like Aldo the Melodramatic." Aldo took her barbs in stride, as usual. "In the midst of this lawless town, the last remaining stage magician travels with his lovely yet unbearably sarcastic assistant--hey, no kicking!" The magician just barely a dodged a fast-flying foot, leaping and swirling in a way that showed his weird precognition thing must have taken effect. "I won't kick if you won't narrate," said Cricket. "Deal," grumbled Aldo, eyeing her legs cautiously. Cricket smiled. Before long they were standing at the front of a colossal square of torn up pavement, a stretch which looked as if someone had pulled up a building by the roots and left only a torn mess behind. This was apparently exactly what had happened, as high among the clouds a rustic museum could be seen floating with a gentle bob. Cricket eyed the floating building appraisingly. "I could probably jump up there, if you showed me where to start the leap from. I don't know how we'd get you up there, though." They'd long ago established that carrying the tall magician on her leaps was not an option. Aldo smiled and began pulling a long series of handkerchiefs out of his sleeve. "I'll magnify this magnificently long series of handkerchiefs and have you tie one end to something secure in the Museum. Then I can just climb up, and we'll find whoever's in charge." "Are you kidding? There's no way that thing will hold for however long it takes you to climb up," Cricket said skeptically. "It's a blend of spider silk and Space Age polymers," Aldo said mysteriously. "I could haul a dinosaur with these hankies. Which is good, because I might have to." Aldo walked to a stretch of pavement that ended in an upturned chunk of concrete. "Now, my dear, by my best calculations a running leap here ending in a double jump here should take you straight to the Museum. And don't worry, I'll be running around down here with a trampoline if you miss." "I don't miss," Cricket said sharpy. She took one end of the handkerchiefs in her hand, took a deep breath, and jumped where Aldo had indicated. It felt wonderful leaping through the air. She left a deep crater in the pavement below her, and what seemed to be a small shockwave caused Aldo to barrel over onto his back. The moron never did learn to step away before she jumped. Air whooshed past on either side of her, and the floating museum grew larger and larger in her view. Eventually she got close enough to aim her body towards it, angling her jump to land her on the edge of the building. She landed with a crash, sending bits of shattered concrete flying in all directions. She was of course completely unharmed by the landing; her Calamity-blessed legs absorbed all the shock. She would need new sneakers soon, though. She made a mental note to nag Aldo about it later. There was a sturdy-looking bronze dinosaur skeleton at the entrance, staring out over the edge and its massive drop. Cricket tied the end of the magnified handkerchief trail to one of its legs. She saw the hankies grow taut, and assumed that Aldo must have started climbing. Since his climb would likely take him a few minutes, Cricket decided to take a look around without him. She entered through the glass doors, and was surprised to find herself at the edge of a steaming tropical rainforest. The trees were thick and tangled, and the fanned ferns and cycads cast a primordial light to the strange place. They really know how to stick with a theme, Cricket thought, giving a low whistle in spite of herself. The moment the sound escaped her lips, a low growl emanated from the foliage nearby. She was uncomfortably reminded of all the terrified vanillas who raved about dinosaurs rampaging through the streets and ripping people to shreds. She took a step back, and bumped into another body. "Aaugh--Aldo!" The magician laughed. "Thought I was the world's most dashing dinosaur, did you? I can hardly blame you. I have long been noted to have an air of primal attractiveness--hey, we agreed no kicking!" Aldo avoided being kicked off the building, and after a moment of glaring the couple headed deeper into the rainforest. "We'll lounge around in this tourist getaway for a while, and then surprise the Emperor and his gang," Aldo said cheerfully. "Sounds like a plan," Cricket replied, still glaring. "Are we going to do the routine?" "The routine? I suppose we might. Depends on whether we have a fun-loving audience or not." "Makes sense. The pair traveled on, and passed a dead elephant lying in the bushes. It looked as if something had been feeding on the carcass, and clawed, three-toed footprints crisscrossed the area. Cricket shuddered at the size of them. "Something on your mind, Cricket?" Aldo asked amiably. "Nothing," she responded. "Just--don't do the alphabet trick. It just ticks people off, and I really don't think we should be ticking these people off." "What do you take me for, some kind of pompous idiot?" Aldo laughed. "Don't worry, I'll be at my best behavior." They walked a moment more before Aldo gave her a sly wink. "Unless I want to tick someone off, of course." Revolution, surprisingly enough, had gotten a good night's sleep. A part of her expected that the furniture might come to life and try to eat her in the middle of the night. It seemed like the sort of whimsical violence Funtimes might engage in. But instead, their pleasant evening had passed into an uneventful night's sleep. She and Sam--who by the look of things wasn't a morning person--headed into the kitchen, where Funtimes was magically causing breakfast to appear on the most colorful dishes Revolution had ever seen. She took a seat between Sam and the Unicyclist and reached for a box of cereal. Actually... Revolution cast a long look at the platters of bacon sitting beside Remington. She was a vegetarian, but Funtimes didn't actually kill anything to produce the food. She'd never actually tasted bacon, and now seemed like a great time to test it out without breaking her lifelong vegetarianism. Her fingers had almost touched a piece when Funtimes let out a low gasp and turned all the meat on the table into stacks of waffles. Well, fate's had its say, Revolution thought with an internal sigh. Remington Springfield sighed outwardly, and actually addressed his Epic hostess. “Look, Doc, we know you ain’t a cannibal," he said. Revolution and Sam stared at him, as did everyone else. Remington up till now had been the most paranoid of them all. “If you were, you’d have shown off when you had an audience," the hunter continued, pausing for a moment. "Can I get the bacon back now?” Funtimes grinned and the bacon all reappeared. The table resumed activity, with Funtimes procuring herself the most sugary meal Revolution had ever seen. "Besides," Remington added thoughtfully. "people don’t have near enough sugar in ‘em.” As Sam pulled a plate of cinnamon rolls closer to herself, Revolution decide to launch another attempt at the bacon. Before her hand could reach the platter, however, Traveler walked into the dining room and put his hands in his pockets, staring at Remington. “I have a favor to ask of you," the Epic said awkwardly. The table stared at Traveler, figuratively speaking. Remington, recovering from the initial surprise, fell back to his regularly stubborn stance. The two argued back and forth for a minute, Remington refusing to accompany Traveler to the kitchen. Finally, Funtimes' boyfriend seemed to give up. “I want you to teach me to shoot," Traveler said weakly. The room was silent for a moment, Traveler's face turning as red as Lightwards the Leprechaun. Finally, Remington stood up with a chuckle and followed the Epic into the kitchen. "An Epic who can't shoot?" Sam asked quizically. "That's a new one." Revolution nodded, puzzled. Even most regular humans in Oregon could shoot--not only were there hordes of minor Epics crawling all over the place, but there were vanilla criminals who would rob and murder you if you seemed weak. Revolution herself couldn't shoot, but she'd taken it for granted that everyone else at the table could. After a few moments, the sounds of breaking kitchenware emanated from the other room, followed by pounding sounds and Remington's voice yelling “That all you got?” "It sounds like the plates are much less effective than a gun would be," Sam observed, cracking a weak smile. The smile wasn't wide. She and Revolution shared a look--Funtimes and Traveler, while strange, were still Epics. Still potentially dangerous. There was nothing they could do about it, though. Their best chance was to simply enjoy the ride and hope for the best. With that thought, Revolution reached for the bacon, deciding to give the forces of fate one last chance to stop her. “None of you happened to have been in Portland lately, did you?" Revolution looked up in shock. Standing in the doorway was a tall and majestic woman. She was lean yet well-muscled, flowing dark hair behind her shoulders. She was dressed in a fine gown embroidered with enormous diamonds. One of her arms was constructed of pure crystal, the wound that according to legend had been caused by her brother in an epic duel. Lucentia, the Diamond Queen of Astoria, was standing in the dining room entry way. ​Revolution slowly put the piece of bacon back on her plate. Okay forces of fate, she thought, still eyeing the legendary Epic. You win this time.

We should launch an entire spin-off RP called Shadow Revolution. The awesomeness would cause the forum to implode. Also, Quota my old foe. We meet again.

I'm writing up a long post featuring Cricket and Revolution viewpoints right now. Halfway done.

He's a model we should all aspire to, really. Edgedancer, the way I have things planned at the moment, Revolution has been to Astoria. What would you say the odds of her recognizing Lucentia on sight would be?

By making all of your friends feel good about themselves. They can say "I'm not perfect, but at least I'm not that guy."

Oh no! The plan won't work without the Element of Creepiness.

I think Lightwards, Funtimes, Nathan, and Nighthound, and the assistants should all hold hands and use the power of friendship to turn Penumbra into a good person. The Elements of Harmony can't be too hard to find, right?

I'm on my Kindle and about to go to bed, my laptop powered down and the ponies therein inaccessible. First thing tomorrow I can put together a few options and send them to you, though.

Maybe CorpseMaker's gang could be called the Eye of the Basilisk? Just the Eye, for short? I don't know much about Electro, but we used a puzzle piece for Altermind's cutie mark. I could definitely see it being his icon in the RP as well.

Makes sense--breakfast cereal is the door into madness, after all. Funtimes is definitely one of those characters who needs an everyman to narrate her actions. And thanks. There might be more like it eventually. On a side note, I can think of no better karmic death than for Lightwards' weakness to be set off, allowing the raptors to break free of his control and bring him down.

A talking raccoon? This is either the best or the worst thing to have happened yet. Those are awesome! I can imagine how difficult a Funtimes point of view would be. Writing from the perspective of undead raptors is probably waaaaaay easier.

That is my understanding of the situation, yes. I think Altermind was going to retroactively write a scene that takes place at night, but he said we could transition to day without him.

Not songs, dear Voidus-- Something else. What you see here Aren't songs but haikus.

Singing? Forgive me if this sounds really stupid, but who exactly is singing?