Kobold King
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Wait--Nighthound's King Sombra, right? Therefore, we can conclusively say what happened in Oregon: Nighthound was turned into a shadow and imprisoned in a glacier for his crimes, but he enacted a curse that caused all of Oregon to disappear as his final act! In a thousand years he and Oregon will return. "But wait," you say, "Nighthound can't curse an entire state like that." To which I say, keep your logic out of this. We don't tolerate rational thought in the Question threads. Speaking of which, we're on Page 99.
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"This just keeps getting more and more interesting. Let's see what the Ku Klux Klan has to say about you... huh. Well look at that, Mr. Jager, you caused the KKK to disband. Apparently your existence singlehandedly undermined a century's worth of racial purity dogma. Good for you, Mr. Jager."
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"You wouldn't believe the number of organizations that have been lobbying for your death. The National Organization for Women's Rights, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals... huh. Even the Citizens Against the Death Penalty. Go figure."
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"Mr. Jager, we regret to inform you that you have been sentenced to death. Even though the court only convened to discuss the restraining order matter, once the jury found out precisely who you were, the decision to execute you was unanimous. And it doesn't help that your defense attorney spent all of her time complaining about her day instead of preparing a legal defense."
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I think the randomness of the Museum Epics may have assisted in developing Sam's snarkiness as opposed to Nathan's subservience. In Newcago every child's taught from an early age that beeing disrespectful to an Epic means death, but they're also raised in a somewhat stable, Epic-run society. Sam's lived in a place where the Epics are less like sociopathic warlords and more like forces of nature, striking swiftly, devastatingly, and with no prejudice for whom they hit. I think Sam's chronic disrespect is a way of coping with that. (He's a good dog. A bit hyperactive sometimes, and he barks at everything that moves, but he's a good dog. But somehow Sam-short-for-Samantha and Sam-short-for-Sam are two entirely different names in my mind. ) Funtimes' Army. Legions of pink Daleks and Rainbow Dash mechs clashing against dinosaurs and hordes of the undead. ... Can we hurry up and get that war started?
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I've got a rough idea in my head for what Sam's part of Portland has been like; in my head at least, I've envisioned the Museum Quartet as being the dominant Epics in this part of town. They would have been more reclusive Epics than Lightwards or Fortuity; instead of demanding constant service and engaging in systematic atrocities, their brutal acts would have been more random. Headshot would use random passerby for "target practice," despite the fact that his power kept his skills perpetually sharp; Hotwire would arrange impromptu demolition derbies on busy streets; Quickslide started off by simply making people fall on their faces and laughing at them, but eventually escalated towards carrying a pistol around and murdering anyone who called him "Butterfingers." Sam barely escaped with her life. (Dog!Sam is an Australian Shepherd. A male Australian Shepherd.) It's unclear who would win; Funtimes is greater in terms of raw power, but I'd bet Lightwards is wily and cautious enough to hold his own. Funtimes would also be spread more thinly than he, since she'd be forced to constantly protect her vanillas from harm's way while he'd have no one but himself to worry about. And if Lightwards succeeded in striking up a permanent alliance with Lucentia... well, let's just say that however the fight turns out, the state of Oregon will lose.
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It'd be a very Sam-like thing to do. And yes, she'll probably say something anti-Funtimes next time she has a private conversation with Nathan. It wouldn't take much to convince her that things could be worse; just saying "At least she doesn't put us in dog collars" would probably be enough. (Which reminds me that I have a dog named Sam. Somehow I never made the mental connection between the dog and the character before today. ) Lightwards' actions are all part of a single agenda in his plan for the world; Funtimes generally doesn't have any plans for her life aside from short-term desires. Lightwards views romance with a vehement bitterness; Funtimes has enough exes to fill an entire villainous League. They make for an entertaining couple as allies; they could be even more interesting as enemies.
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And as we all know, Dark!Funtimes is Scary!Funtimes. At this point I think Sam's the most likely to actually antagonize Funtimes or push her towards a Moral Event Horizon. Not deliberately, of course, but she still sees Funtimes as just another Epic to mock and evade; if she felt she could get away with it, she'd start making snarky comments that would show the Doctor just how she feels. (I imagine one of the other vanillas referring to Funtimes as his/her friend, with Sam covering the phrase "Stockholm Syndrome" with a cough in the background.) Nathan should probably warn her not to say anything to hurt Funtimes' feelings. On another note, it really is interesting how well Lightwards and Funtimes compliment one another. They foil each other in every way; Lightwards is driven by intellect, Funtimes by whim; Lightwards invariably makes those around him into his mindless servants, while Funtimes chooses her associates based on their individuality; Lightwards is a sane, composed individual with fringes of lunacy, while Funtimes is a frenzied cuckoo with a deeply suppressed layer of sanity. I'm sure the list could go on, but that's all I could think of at first thought. Besides "Lightwards eats spam out of a can, Funtimes likes sweets."
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That's the interesting thing about Funtimes. She's not a hero in any sense, and some of her actions have been apathetic at best, morally reprehensible at worst. But she does seem to have her heart in the right place, most of the time at least, and by and large she does more good than harm. As I've said before, she's one of the more interesting Epics in Portland, as she shows equal inclinations towards future heroism and future supervillainy. Sam and Revolution would probably have left the speech area alive. While snarky, they both would have known better than to verbally heckle an Epic despot in the middle of a speech. Sam would have slunk back to her house to snark about it in the privacy of her home, and Revolution would likely have been out of town by the next day. Remington, however, is confirmed to have been carrying a rifle during the speech. Lightwards at the time was still fleshing out his Warrior entourage, and a muscular, glaring man with his own rifle would have been too irresistible to pass up. As for the Unicyclist... Well, his chances of survival would have been directly attached to how loudly he started playing the bagpipes during Lightwards' speech. And whether or not Lightwards glanced in his direction.
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You sly GM you. The part that really struck me was the chorus: That fits her initial relationship with the vanillas alarmingly well.
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Lightwards had a brilliant plan to reanimate Jack Churchill as his chief lieutenant, but the comic is so horrifying he decided to launch himself into space so he could drink only water from comets. He wanted you to know that. I was listening to steampunk music earlier, and I came across an only mildly disturbing song that sounds like Funtimes if she had Lightwards' power. It's called "Annabel has a Doll."
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I'm not crazy. I'm just compartmentalized!
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I know what you're talking about. It always made me crack a smile. I've read Ender's Game and the first two sequels, but I haven't read the Shadow series.
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Does he eat Honey Nut Steelios? I don't read a lot of modern sci-fi, regrettably. Most of the sci-fi I've read is 60s pulp fiction by the likes of Robert Heinlein and James White. I think I need to write a Sam/Lightwards post in Portland, and then a brief Arsenal reply in The Dalles.
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Now I wonder how Funtimes stumbled across his weakness in the first place. When you say "League of Evil Exes," you're implying that they'll all team up right? Because I want to imagine all of them teaming up.
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"Hello, people of New New England. A pleasure to speak to you, as usual. I'm here to express the regrettable news that my former lover Doctor Funtimes has officially made herself an enemy of New New England. She is responsible for the heinous act of hijacking the royal water supply, and even spreading our aqueous treasure to unauthorized personnel! No need to panic, my good chaps, I have the matter under control. The recipients of the stolen water have been rounded up and tied to stakes in the middle of the desert. Anyone with information related to the good Doctor's location is requested to bring said information to myself at their earliest opportunity, or else have their blood slowly mutated into liquid cement. "I am confident enough in my people's blind devotion to the laws of New New England to not inflict door-to-door searches and random executions throughout the town. Pray do not make me regret my good manners. "Tally ho and pip pip. Obey or die."
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Sharkbait hoo ha ha! Ahem. Sorry, I meant to say, yes, yes he is. I'm picturing them irritably changing it back and forth from oil to water, with a thirsty and oppressed populace watching on in fear and confusion.
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He has a mental connection to his sharks, causing him to feel their urges and emotions. When the sharks are in a normal, non-feeding mode of thought, Sharkbait is apathetic and immoral, feeling no qualms about murdering or torturing those in his path. He does not actively seek out bloodshed, however. When his sharks are in a feeding frenzy, though... in that situation he shares their predatory bloodlust. He becomes savage and berserk, killing and maiming anyone in his path, unrestrained by thought or inhibitions. I imagine Blackwave probably keeps him away from the vanilla crewmen when he's in a frenzy. Because he's an Epic and is therefore a terrible excuse for a human being, Sharkbait greatly enjoys his frenzies and has become mildly addicted to them. Liquid transmutation it is, then. Ooh, maybe that's how he governs his territory in Nevada? Perhaps he changed the only water source for miles around into a pool of oil, and redistributes it as water to those who are loyal to him.
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You know, I've never quite decided what Earl Greyback's precise powerset is. I'm considering giving him the power to transmutate liquids; that way he could change poisons in his bloodstream into harmless chemicals, transfigure his guest's beverages into lethal toxins, and brew the perfect mug of tea at will. Maybe I'll give him a healing factor as well, to explain his love of experiencing poisons and documenting what their effects feel like.
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Men like Heracles tend to remove themselves from the gene pool. I wonder whether Greyback could best Heracles in a round of old-fashioned fisticuffs.
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There are other fish in the sea, Funtimes. They just don't swim quite as much like a sir as he does.
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"Aaaaaaaauuuugh no! No! No no no no no no no!"--Backtrack, upon being informed of this idea. Also, I made a comic depicting one of Funtimes' failed relationships.
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It's worth a try. Is Backtrack weaselly enough to set off his weakness?
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How do you know that Funtimes wasn't the dumpee of the relationship? Darn it Calamity. If it weren't for you Steelheart would have been a romantic comedy, and this RP could have been a sitcom about librarians and Oregon landscape developers.
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"What would you do for a Klondike bar?" "Wait ten heartbeats." "...You know what, just take it."
