Kobold King

Thanks, guys! Or try to, at least.

My brother and I played chess. While waiting for him to set up his turn I started to get board. I tried and failed to pull off a risky castling move. It was a rookie mistake. He started to get mad at all the chess puns I was making, so I had to pull myself in check. Bad puns are how I cope with losing terribly.

Sounds good to me. Which Epics are among these eligible arrivals?

Deathwish and Vondra posts up. It's hard to compete with Lord Dupin becoming official Oregon canon, but I've been wanting to do a scene like this with Arsenal for a long time now. Hopefully I managed to pull it off at least passably well.

Explosions shook the city. Missiles flung through the sky. Quicksilver was stark against the cityscape, tossing aside everything sent against him and overflowing the command center with liquid metal. The mad High Epic was waging destruction across The Dalles, towering over the city on his tower of steel with no meaningful opposition. It was long past time for someone to rise up, stand up, and fight against his monster. Deathwish turned his back on the sight. "Please," the pretty female Guard whimpered, completely beside herself with panic. "I.. I don't know what to do." "Shhh," Deathwish crooned, stepping closer to the woman and tilting her chin. "No worries. I've got everything under control." Another missile hurled overhead, spinning out of control as if it had been thrown by a giant tentacle. There was a great opportunity to fly into its path and get knocked into a thousand pieces, finishing Quicksilver's rampage in a heartbeat, but Deathwish had more important things to do. His free hand, feeling left out, went to the pretty Guard's waist. "I'm just about to bring all this pointless fighting to a close," he promised with a smile. "Why don't I fly you a little closer and give you a front-row seat? It's gonna be spectacular." Nothing impressed the chicks like stabbing a murderous demigod to death in a thrilling high-octane sky duel, right? The meeting with Shiny Sparkle--or rather, Liz Tanner--was forced to a close. First came the sound of explosions, nearly shaking the building they were so close. Then the only window in the office went dark, a thick layer of fluid metal settling over it. This had just become a crisis. The cause was obvious, but within a minute a harsh voice began booming over every radio in the office. "People of the Dalles, HEAR ME!" Vondra gritted his teeth. So that's what Quicksilver's voice sounded like. The arrogant, gravelly tone was unsurprising. The boldness in making an announcement to the entire city was. "I ask you to look at your city, at this haven for humanity amidst a world ruled by Epics," Quicksilver began. "This city, where those sworn to protect you rain missiles down on your heads even as the one branded as an outlaw fights to stop it. Your protectors allow wild animals to roam the streets and sanctioned epics to destroy your homes." Dewhickey was authorized to deploy missiles, but by the sound of things he wasn't taking much care in said deployment. " And still Vondra claims he can protect you!" the Epic went on, his voice growing more passionate and almost patronizing. "He maintains that Arsenal is under his control, that Deathwish follows his strict orders, that he is still in charge. But even as he says these things Deathwish and his ilk continues to molest the city while Arsenal's totalitarian hold grows tighter and tighter. "I have been here for years! Not once have I gone on rampages through your homes, or one by one stolen your freedoms. I fought the invaders when they came just yesterday and even now I stave off missiles aimed at your children in hopes that I might preserve what remains of this city. Ask yourself who is the true villain in the Dalles. Because I guarantee you Stephen Vondra knows." Vondra gritted his teeth at the speech and the mention of his name. The gall... "Don't you Stephen?" With that the announcement ended. Vondra's fist clenched as he turned to his secretary, just in time to see Liz Tanner disappear in her signature flash of sparkles. No matter. She could be found and dealt with later, if she stayed in The Dalles. "Follow me, Rhonda," he ordered, packing an extra pistol onto his belt and making a beeline for the hallway. "Be alert and stay away from windows." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dewhickey was to be found in a darkened command room, vacant of all souls save himself and a couple of terrified technicians panicking over computer screens. The rest of the usual staff had fled the room in horror when their commander had begun hurling missiles practically out the window, and those who remained did so only out of fear for their jobs. Perhaps their lives too, if the frenzied voices of the technicians who'd left were to be believed. Vondra stepped into the room with Rhonda close behind him, eyes fixing on the Epic chaplain's back. 'Arsenal' was tense, head bowed and his fists clenched as if lost in his own rage. "Daniel." Vondra's voice was clear in the room, but Dewhickey neither moved nor responded. Vondra felt a wave of trepidation pass over him. Dewhickey had been exerting his powers more than he had in years. That had a terrible effect on his kind. Abruptly, Dewhickey raised a fist towards the metal-glossed window and opened his hand. The window frames were instantly destroyed as a pile of porcelain bathtubs appeared in them, tearing a hole in the building that disrupted the sheet of metal covering. Wall fragments and a very large number of bathtubs went crashing through the hole to the street below, over and over until the metal on the building's outside stopped rushing to cover the gap. Sunlight streamed in and revealed the outside, in particular the towering pile of liquid metal looming ominously not far from the command center. Quicksilver. With no time wasted Dewhickey began conjuring new missile rigs outside, some sort of controller appearing in his own hand to allow him to trigger the artillery himself. The missiles began roaring outwards towards Quicksilver, exploding in fiery blasts the instant any of them were stuck by a metal tendril. The barrage was immediate and fierce, driving Quicksilver nearly a block backwards as the metal in his control was blasted into shrapnel, but already a few were being knocked off course and hurtling blindly into the city. If this battle continued, it would leave piles of corpses and burnt infrastructure in its wake. "Daniel!" Vondra repeated, more harshly than before. "Stand down!" The missile strikes continued, new rigs continuing to appear as speedily as Quicksilver could suck out their metal. The explosions wouldn't stop... Vondra began striding forward angrily. "Storm it, Dewhickey! I gave you a direct or--" He was barely halfway through the room before Dewhickey had swiveled around to face him. The man's face was wild, completely distorted in anger and an inhuman snarl across his mouth. There was sweat dotted between his wrinkles, and though he was beginning to slump in exhaustion there was fire in his eys. "I do not," he hissed sharply, "accept that order." Not much human was showing. Right now he was the Epic Arsenal through and through--in his glory, as the newer generation said. Vondra's hand moved to his belt, gripping his pistol. Rhonda tensed behind him, poised to freeze the Epic the moment things went sour. "You take orders from me," Vondra said, quietly but sternly, "for the well being of this city. You don't want to destroy it." Arsenal breathed raggedly, glaring at his commander with a look of pure hatred. "If that's what it takes to eliminate this threat..." "There's no point to eliminating this threat if the people we protect are blasted out of their homes." "Not to you, perhaps. I have to defeat him." "No, you don't," Vondra stated firmly. "We have other Epics. We'll bring Quicksilver down without excessive casualties. Hawk and Runes--" "Are scum and an idiot!" Arsenal snapped. "And they're nowhere to be seen. I am here. I have the power. And I will stop him." There was a moment of silence. Quicksilver's tower of shimmering metal was still visible out the window, creeping cautiously in the distance as if waiting to see what the moments of respite would bring. Vondra took a breath and slid his pistol slightly out of its holster, in clear sight of Arsenal. "Right now, you are the bigger threat to this city." Arsenal's eyes flashed. For a moment he seemed torn in an internal struggle, leaning dangerously close to creating a weapon and attacking with everything he was worth... but, slowly, miraculously, his eyelids drooped and he let out a long, frustrated breath. "What are my orders?" he growled softly. Vondra breathed an internal sigh of relief, though didn't yet relinquish the hold on his pistol. "Go to your office. Close yourself in. Do not use your powers. I'll be by in a few hours to discuss this incident. At length." The other man seemed about to raise an argument, but in the end kept his mouth shut. Stiffly, he put one foot in front of the other and headed down the hallways in the direction of his office. Keeping his eyes on him until he disappeared, Vondra finally backed out of the room himself, away from that window and the sight of Quicksilver towering over the streets. The Dalles was in a state of extreme crisis now, but at least one major threat had been neutralized. Now it was up to any City Guard Epics still capable of doing their jobs to neutralize the one that remained.

Is there anyone else involved in Rowena, or is it pretty much open for Panda to steamroll over?

It was not me at my most subtle. Should we maybe add a link to the spreadsheet on one of the pinned threads? For easy access?

Lightwards and Backtrack posts up. Very minor reactions from the Unicyclist and Saccharine included for accentuation; will remove them if requested to.

The zoo that Chimera called home was all the way on the western edge of Portland, well out of the territory of any of the other major Epics. It was a long walk. It was an annoying walk to be guided on by a bumbling, useless wreck of an Epic with a hangover. Apparently, as the hobo rambled on, Chimera had determinedly stayed neutral from the territory wars that waged across the rest of Portland. He apparently sold his animals to the highest bidder, but kept the best for himself and outright refused to join any other faction. Lightwards concluded the man was either lazy, uncommitted to a cause, or both. He hated him already. Chicago Joe finally led them down another street corner and to the gate that proudly advertised the Portland zoo. Beyond the brick wall that surrounded the place were the tops of determinedly tropical-looking trees; it appeared that the aesthetic of the zoo, at least, had been kept for the most part intact. Now if only he could be sure the animals were similarly preserved... "This is the place," Joe grunted. "Never been in there, myself. Don't really know what to expect." "You have done well," Lightwards said distractedly, looking at the iron gate that led into the place. "I will accept your service." Chicago Joe did not look as ecstatic at the statement as he should have been, but Lightwards let it slide. He had a Warrior run a hand over the gate to ensure it was not electrified somehow, then turned to Aldo. "Now, if you have a way to remove this petty obstacle..." The Epic magician smiled, striding forward and laying a hand on the bars. There was a loud wrenching sound, followed by the entire gate bursting from its connections to the wall as it shrank to the size of a playground gate, and then nearly to the scale of a dollhouse. Lightwards motioned a pair of Warriors into the lair as forerunners in case of traps, and the group of Epics followed behind them. Entrance is easy. But it won't do to enter like thieves. Responding to a mental command, Vincenzo the Allosaurus bound forward into the zoo with a series of loud footsteps. He paused by a stand of palm trees, stomping firmly forward and opening his jaws to their maximum extent. The roar shook the zoo, nearly rupturing the eardrums of those standing by the dinosaur and eliciting the frantic barking of dogs from the center of the zoo. A couple of raptors added their own screeches to the mix, and the Unicyclist punctuated the proclamation with a few notes of his flaming bagpipe as he rolled around the biggest dinosaur's legs. It was a cacophony couldn't be mistaken for anything but the Empire of Light. And it would be the sound that marked the end of Chimera's pretentious neutrality. Backtrack had many questions. Right now only one really took precedence. What the sparks kind of researchers are these people? He recognized them both from the throng of Epics that had joined Lightwards the day before, but didn't know either of them by name. But they definitely didn't look like regular scientists. One was tall with an all-purple suit and a beard that was certainly upper tier of Epic facial hair. Way better than the pointy goatees a lot of male Epics boasted, at any rate. The other one was even taller and dressed in a thick and extraordinarily lacy dress, eyeing the Epics in front of her with an almost hawk-like gaze. And she was asking for blood samples. This wasn't your normal everyday suspicious. This was advanced suspicious. This was 'Congratulations one millionth visitor' suspicious. This was white-van-with-a-free-candy-sign suspicious. This was creepy-guy-in-a-dark-alley-wanting-to-sell-you-cookies suspicious. "Uh... we'd love to," Backtrack squeaked uneasily. He felt a sharp look from MV, but swallowed and continued. "We'd definitely love to help with your, uh, science," he continued, stammering and feeling his legs shake beneath him. "But, uh, we can't give blood." The lady in the dress raised an eyebrow. Backtrack felt drops of sweat line his forehead at the Epic's stare of suspicion. He racked his mind, trying to come up with something resembling a decent explanation for why they in no way could let that woman near them with a needle... "We can't give blood because we're... uh... Mormon." He gave a hesitant smile, nudging MV and hoping she'd play along. Nailed it.

I think Oregon's one-and-only black market squid dealer should be more than a cameo. He should be the new main character.

My name pops up on that spreadsheet even more times than I expected... I'll have to get caught up this week. Sorry, guys.

The problem here is that different people are going to have different opinions on what makes the story better. The essence of a forum RP is that these different people with their different opinions are going to be crafting a collaborative story through the avatars of their characters. If User X decides to "better" the story by taking control of other people's characters, the story is no longer a collaborative effort. It becomes User X's story.

The insane delusional death god has a preference for cheap processed food?

My totally unique and original idea was for a hive-race of insectoid creatures that could shift between castes. There were different "forms"--and I called them "forms"--representing laborer, warrior, leader, and reproductive castes. Then came the Parshendi.

Knowing them... "The humor and storyline are spot on, but this vaguely Mesoamerican influence in the background aesthetic of this one scene would inspire our kids to be demon-worshipers. Shame, this could have been a great movie if it didn't make concessions to Satan."

Chamber of Secrets:

I think that's a good idea.

The siblings are watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets in the other room. Random HP Thought 94821: Imagine if someone saw polyjuice potion brewed with a piece of their hair and it was as disgusting as Crabbe and Goyle's. Imagine the permanent blow to their self-esteem.

My headcanon has always been that this wish wouldn't work because rules-lawyering genies aren't actually bound by any sort of external laws. Their rules are entirely self-imposed as a way of keeping eons' worth of omnipotent power from getting stale; therefore at best they'd completely ignore a wish that robs them of their fun, and at worst they'd be irritated that a puny mortal is silly enough to think they have any power over their games and would condemn said mortal to an eternity of suffering at the heart of a star, constantly burning to death and regenerating without end.

When I say ugly in conjunction with an animal, cute can be inferred. It was pretty cute. And quite a pitfiful sight when it was clinging to the wall trying to avoid the cats lining up on the floor with keen eyes.

There was a BAT in our cabin. A small ugly mammal with WINGS. It kept fluttering around the house trying and failing to go through an open window. It nearly hit my HEAD. This was really cool, don't get me wrong. And we got it out in the end. But still. BATS SHOULD NOT BE IN HOUSES.

He's seen into the minds of people in the past on several occasions; notably on the first page of The Dalles thread, where he actually starts retching from retrocognitively sensing the mind of Koschei the Deathless. The fact that he could essentially use his powers to gain flawless telepathy with a split-second lag is one of many facts that goes unexploited because Backtrack is an idiot.