Kobold King

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my goat. Prepare to die."

"Szeth son-son Vallano, Truthless of Shinovar, wore white on the day he was to kill a goat." "Prince Raoden of Arelon awoke early that morning, completely unaware that he had been goat for all eternity." "Goat fell from the sky."

This makes me wonder whether WHIO could scrape by with a PG-13 rating, or whether we'd immediately be rated R for the ATTD list. What can I do to assuage your disgruntled feelings, Twi?

Though we should probably hint at Nighthound's presence in the movie somehow, or else people will sue us for springing him on them unawares. Well, unless he hit himself hard enough to draw blood he'd feel just as much pain as anyone else. Does that help?

If WHIO were a movie, no trailer would be necessary. Just a poster of that image and directions to the nearest movie theater. Um... Hypno would keep saying "Stop hitting yourself" over and over again? More seriously, his healing factor can repair self-inflicted wounds, though obviously there's no damage reflection. It's pretty much the same as when he crashes through buildings and heals himself.

They released the first trailer for DC's Suicide Squad today, but there's a shot that appears for just a split second that makes me think they accidentally released a frame from the What Happened in Oregon trailer.

McKeedee and I actually talked about that. I said he should be shot in the head halfway through his "Five seconds and I--" speech, but McKeedee was understandably reluctant to allow that to take place. Instead we simply worked it so one of the Guards recognized him as a non-threat. Good point about him being brought to Vondra. There will definitely be reprimand and possibly some discipline.

McKeedee and I are still talking over how it will go. True, Vondra does lean a little on the totalitarian side sometimes. To be fair, every other city in North America is an Epic-run hell hole, so I think we can all see where he's coming from at least.

Yeah. At least Deathwish is capable of recognizing his own limits and acting accordingly. Shiny Sparkle was not only 100% certain that a random woman had fallen in love with her after five minutes in the same room, but she also seems to believe she could single-handedly take on the entire Dalles City Guard. I mean, she could blow up Vondra and his gun, but she's deluded if she thinks she'll spot and explode every single gun that's pointed at her afterwards. Eventually, she'd miss one... On the other hand, at least she's actually hurt to find that Autumn doesn't like her, unlike a certain sleazy biker Epic, who only finds women more appealing that way.

The parallelism here is killing me. Excellent post! I suspected that Shiny would be too dim-witted to take any of the threats seriously, but it seems the news about Autumn actually hit her rather hard.

Apparently so. By the way, for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, Chouta Connoisseur was kind enough to ask a Reckonerverse question at a signing!

CURSE YOU CHOUTA THE CONNOISSEUR!! ...Oh. Thanks for asking! This is fascinating, fascinating stuff.

If it's any consolation...

Do you still have them? Have you tried uploading them to Dumpyourphoto?

Time to introduce Sam's hitherto unknown little sister! It just so happens to be her 13th birthday today! ...I mean, uh, cool. I can't wait to see the backstory behind this.

Thanks! As for the clinic: I'll have to take inventory of all the characters there again and what I need to have Arsenal do, but I'll try to get that done soon. I simply figured it would be better to post a Vondra scene now rather than postpone both characters until I figure out what I'm supposed to be doing in the clinic.

New Vondra post up!

A lot of folks responded well to metaphor. Shiny Sparkle was not 'a lot of folks.' No sooner had Vondra finished than the woman had excused herself from the table, exploding in a flash of sparkles. She was gone for about a minute--a minute in which Vondra felt his blood pressure spiking dangerously. Just when he was about to send a directive to the Guard to be on the lookout for a sparkly sociopath who might be targeting Autumn Glass, the signature sparklesplosion struck again. Ms. Sparkle appeared once more in the room, a smirk in the face and a bowl of sweet cherries under one arm. She leaned against the table, pushing her feminine assets far enough out that he worried she'd pop out of her blouse. “I hope I didn’t make you wait too long," the Epic said smoothly. "Now, I Shiny Sparkle swear that I will pour my entire passion and love into this city, even if that means risking my life again by fighting even more Epics for you or other sacrifices I may have to make.” She finished by popping a cherry into her mouth, chewing slowly as she stared at him with an almost sultry expression. Vondra blinked, torn between anger and bemusement. Seduction? That's a first. Whatever was going through the sparkly Epic's head, it wasn't acceptance of her new role in life. She was saying what she felt would get her out of this office and back into her infatuation's arms as quickly as possible. Unless drastic action was taken, it was clear that her behavior wouldn't change in the slightest. Vondra met the Epic's eyes through those opaque glasses of hers, and then spoke softly but firmly. "Rhonda," he said to the woman beside him, "Shall we make our position clear?" "Clear as day," the secretary replied, a half-smile on her face. With an evident amount of satisfaction, the woman raised one hand towards the other Epic, and showed why she was called Redlight. Shiny froze perfectly, unnaturally still, a second cherry halfway to her wide-open mouth. She didn't sway, budge, or fidget, not even to breathe. Like a film character paused in a single frame, she was as still as stone. "I do not believe," Vondra said, voice stern, "That I made my intent quite clear with that metaphor. Let me start over." There was a creaking sound as he pulled open a drawer, pulling an old revolver out from beside a notebook and a Bible. "This evening, this town's finest counselor came to me nearly in tears," he informed Shiny, casually loading bullets into the revolver one by one. "She told me that you, an Epic who could kill her in a heartbeat, took advantage of her fear and dragged her around town, lavishing unwanted attention upon her. If you don't believe me, ask her yourself tomorrow when you're both on equal footing. You'll find an angry, violated woman who wants nothing to do with you." He loaded the last bullet into the revolver, and flipped the cylinder back into the gun with a clicking sound that echoed through the silent room. "The rest of the world gives you whatever you want, whenever you want it, whenever you ask for it. Not so here. If you stay in this town, you'll not be a free woman. You'll be my soldier. If I tell you to stay at least six feet away from Autumn Glass at all times--which I am--then you'll follow that command or take a bullet to the back. If I order you to refrain from using your powers unless the situation expressly warrants it--which I am--then you will follow that command or take a bullet to the back." Gingerly, he pulled the cherry out from Shiny's frozen fingers and pointed the revolver's barrel directly into her open mouth. "In this town," Vondra told her with cold calm, "Humans lead and Epics serve. You can accept that and act accordingly, or you can spend every waking hour with guns and daggers pointed at your back." His point made, Vondra took the revolver and placed it flatly on the table. If Shiny acquiesced, he wouldn't have any need of it. If she decided to kill him the second she was released... well, he still wouldn't need it. Fortunately, this town's future didn't depend on his survival. "Kill me and half the Guard if you think you must. But if you don't accept your lot in this town, this city will chew you up and spit you back out again. Now is your answer still the same, or would you like to find a town more conducive to your whims?" With that he snapped his fingers, and Rhonda unfroze the Epic.

Shiny Sparkle seems like she won't be happy until she's hooked up with half the world's population and blown up the other half.

A battle between Shiny and Funtimes over Nathan would probably level half of Portland.

Quick, we've got to get Glamour in here ASAP!

Time to exchange cherry trees for bullets, then. Hope you get over your cold soon, Voidus. I know this doesn't mean much to you, but you're in my prayers.

Thanks! I hoped it would, but deep down inside I knew Shiny wouldn't tolerate it. Now it's time to skip the metaphor and flat-out inform her that if she comes within six feet of Autumn again, she'll have every gun in town pointed at her back.