Fantastic sarcastic bombastic wheel of time poems

[The Tenth Pancake]

Okay first off, I have just started on wheel of Time 5 (I think... It's fires of heaven) so please be nic e17 sharders and not spoil anything beyond that okay? Thanks. (And don't judge okay. If I say anything mean about a character, it's because I'm only at the 5th book and frustrated with them) Feel free to reply with your own dinky poems. Yeet

Roses are red,

Hair can get tangled,

Nyneave Al'Meara 

Deserves to be strangled

 

Roses are red,

I like to eat bacon

Morgase's lover

Is a flipping forsaken

 

Roses are red,

Perrin has Faile,

Avienda's confusing

And so are the Aiel

 

Roses are red

Cheese is for grating

I have no idea

Why the heck I'm berating,

But hey let's be prudential

We all have that person

Who has obvious potential

And who seems to always worsen

Before you can see them get better

And that person is flipping Nyneave Al'freaking Meara

The end

 

[Lidolas he/him]

I'm sorry.  I made a stupid mistake.

Edited December 10, 2018 by Lidolas

[Seon Are he/him]

1 hour ago, Lidolas said:

Roses are red

And so is my spleen

The worst character ever

Is Amyrlin Egwene

They literally asked for no spoilers.

[The Tenth Pancake]

Roses are red

So is my spleen

You freaking spoiled it

How dare you, you're mean

 

Roses are red,

Violets are average

Egwene in Dreamland

Is a flipping savage

 

 

Edited December 8, 2018 by The Tenth Pancake
Adding another verse

[Just a Lifetime he/him]

On 12/8/2018 at 0:21 AM, Lidolas said:

[Redacted]

"Egwene" rhymes with "pain"... a missed opportunity?

Roses are red
Spoiling's a sin
But I have to mention
I can't stand Gawyn

That there's the limits of my poetical capabilities.

Edited December 10, 2018 by Just a Lifetime
Redact now-retracted poem

[Lidolas he/him]

On 12/7/2018 at 5:03 PM, Ookla the Seon Are said:

They literally asked for no spoilers.

Shoot!  I am the worst.....I'm sorry.  I'll edit that

[The Tenth Pancake]

Roses are red

Barley is milled

Siuan Sanche

Is a way better character now that she's stilled

 

Roses are red

The waste is filled with rubble

Gareth Bryne tracked down the ladies

And OOOF they're in TROUBLE!!!

 

 

[Wyndlerunner he/him]

Roses are red,

But I've got a feelin'

That old Thom Merrilon 

Is more than a gleeman

[The Tenth Pancake]

Roses are red,

My favorite word is catalyst,

Who would have known

That Mat is a master strategist

 

Roses are red

The dark one's a threat

I think I'm starting to like

The character Birgette

 

[The Tenth Pancake]

Ayt well I finished book 5 earlier and I forgot to make poems so here we go. (Book 5 climax spoilers)

Roses are red,

Morgase is dEaD

Rand needs some sense

Smacked into his head

 

Roses are red,

Melhindra was eViL

I want to pat

Poor mat on the back

That didn't rhyme whatever

 

Roses are red

There's no hecking way

Moraine is actually dead

I say nay

 

Roses are red

A leg has a calf

I think Moraine

Will pull a Gandalf

 

Roses are red

A sheep has a lamb

HOLY COW

MOGHEDIEN IS IN A'DAM

 

Roses are red

I want to relax

That was one 

Heck of a climax

 

[Just a Lifetime he/him]

Roses are red
Violets are fine
Should we help Asmodean
Find some decent wine?

 

[The Tenth Pancake]

Roses are red

Perrin has Faile

I just think it's so cute 

How Egwene is sort of an Aiel

 

Roses are red

Holy freaking rain

Nyneave Al'Meara 

Just HEALED LOGAIN

(AAAAAAAH WHAAAAAT?!?!)

 

[The Tenth Pancake]

Since I've giv'n it a look

I can't put it down

This fantastic book

That has gained world renown

Has gotten another

To call Egwene Mother

I have fretted and worried

For the dragon reborn

And hastened and hurried

Till the pages were worn

I have hated Berlain 

With an undying loathing

And found it a pain

To deal with Perrin's moaning

I have swooned and shipped Gawyn

Totally with Egwene

And found it hard to rhyme

Those two names in these poems

And holy heck what a climax

Book six has supplied 

I hope Jordan doesn't slack

On making book seven a heck of a ride

 

Thank you, I am done.

*Mic drop* 

Sorry you had to read all that cuz the meter is wonky. Hehe...he...

 

[Wyndlerunner he/him]

On 2/23/2019 at 10:33 AM, The Tenth Pancake said:

Since I've giv'n it a look

I can't put it down

This fantastic book

That has gained world renown

Has gotten another

To call Egwene Mother

I have fretted and worried

For the dragon reborn

And hastened and hurried

Till the pages were worn

I have hated Berlain 

With an undying loathing

And found it a pain

To deal with Perrin's moaning

I have swooned and shipped Gawyn

Totally with Egwene

And found it hard to rhyme

Those two names in these poems

And holy heck what a climax

Book six has supplied 

I hope Jordan doesn't slack

On making book seven a heck of a ride

 

Thank you, I am done.

*Mic drop* 

Sorry you had to read all that cuz the meter is wonky. Hehe...he...

 

Well depending on your preference, book 7 is either wonderful, or the beginning of the slog.

[The Tenth Pancake]

Roses are red,

Fairy tales usually have happily ever afters,

Is it bad,

That I kind of only want to skip to the mat chapters?

 

Roses are red,

Empanadas need filling,

What in the heck,

Is wrong with Queen Tylin?!

 

Roses are red,

Burning wood makes char,

I can't flipping wait

Till Lan gets to Ebou Dar (and finds Nyneave)

 

Also as a side note:

Roses are red,

I like blue cheese dip,

I just really really love

Mat and Birgette's friendship!

 

Edited March 25, 2019 by The Tenth Pancake
Adding more verses

[Wyndlerunner he/him]

Roses are red

Water spills out a sieve

I can't be the only one

Who freakin' loves Nynaeve

New Edit 5/11/19: 

Roses are Red,

Cadsuane says "Phaw!"

Rand is in love, with one Min Farshaw

Edited May 12, 2019 by Wyndlerunner

[The Tenth Pancake]

Hey guys sorry it's been a while! I kind of took a break for a while. Well I'm reading book 8 now, so wooo more shoddy poetry. 

 

Roses are Red, 

Taverns are seedy,

Where the heck is Mat, 

How could Robert Jordan do this to me

 

Roses are red,

Cats have whiskers,

Rand's sanity is worrisome,

Someone get this kid a snickers

 

[Truthwatch3r she/her]

Oh man this turned out to be a really great way to get some latent frustrations off my chest:

Roses are red
Please just give it a rest
Why does every character think
They always know best

Roses are red
Suian's speech I do not like
If I hear about one more fish
You're off to the silver pike

Roses are red
He's not actually slow...
Aiel have weird customs they think
That Rand should already know

Roses are red
Luc's evil fo' sho'
Gotta say I saw it coming
Many long chapters ago

Roses are red
Gender relations here suck
Women aren't all idiots;
Wait- neither are men, wtf??

(Written at the end of TSR)